I don't want to!

[fuchsiasky]

I'm 4 months out at this point.  I lost Rob last October.  I'm struggling hard right now.  I've left the fog.  I had to return to work. ...and life apparently.  My daughter to school.  I'm slowly putting the pieces of life back together and it's so f-ing hard.  It's something that I have to do by sheer force of will - build a life for my daughter and I.  But I'm the one standing in the way of myself....Cause I don't want to do it!  I have absolutely zero desire to build a life without Rob in it.  Every step I take on this path of supposed healing feels like I'm moving farther away from him.  Closer to the life that I really don't want.  I love my daughter.  She is my reason to do all of this.  And she loves me.  But we both just want our family back. 

 

[Amor]

I many times do not want to as well but at the moment we have no other choice that would make everything better. Give yourself the time you need to hurt, heal, and grieve. I liked an article posted on here that talked about still being their wife long after her love died.  I feel I am still my loves wife.  Death did not take that away as it took so many more things. This option I can still live.

Hoping you have peace and comfort.

Amor

[Mr C]

Welcome fuchsiasky. I am so sorry that you have reason to join us, but glad that you have found this place. It is full of people who have been through it and understand. It will be two years next Monday since I lost my lovely wife. Fortunately, a lot of that first year is a blur to me now. But I do remember how painful it was when the fog lifted. This forum has been a lifeline for getting through what at times felt unbearable. Sending you (((hugs))).

[fuchsiasky]

So much of the last 4 months is just a blur.  I fully lost nearly 3 months of memories.  Its easier to remember since I got back to work.  But still.  The truth is that I don't want to remember so much of it.  But that makes me sad too.  Cause I do want to remember him.  The last 3 years of his life are such a blur.  I am actively trying to recover them.  I don't want to lose the last years we had together. 

 

I miss him so much!

[Mr C]

The memories of him will come back. Sometimes a place, event or something your daughter does will bring back a memory. Writing them down in a journal will help them stick and give you a point of reference.

[Still Standing]

The first year usually is a blur,you feel your in a fog.The memories do come back at unexpected moments.It could be while your driving,a song comes on in the supermarket,a movie or those Hallmark commercials.As time goes by you'll remember more and more.