fuchsiasky Posted February 22, 2016 Share Posted February 22, 2016 I have been in a really rough spot lately. I just miss Rob so much it was unbearable. I was lucky...in a way...that I have a good friend that I connected with. I just kinda let my mind rest with him for a while cause it was a bit of an escape. I didn't really mean to. It just kinda happened. He is so like Rob. He made me remember how to smile. He knew and was just fine with it (Rob would have been too). All I ever thought of was cuddling, cause that is really all I want. To just curl up and feel safe. I thought that he was just a convenient person to think about and that it was just that I'm missing Rob. But it turns out that we connect too well. And I like him for him. Not just as an escape. So now I can't think about him. Cause I really don't want him. Not like that. But everything that I was escaping has flooded back. I miss Rob even more now. Cause I am remembering what it is that I miss so much. Leaving the comfy friend bubble means that I have to deal with this again and I just don't want to. I just want to curl up and hide and not hurt anymore. And I can't. And I can't even talk to anyone about it because they would be appalled that I would look to a friend for this kind of comfort. It hasn't been long enough according to some people. They think I should still be Rob's wife and just mourning for him. And I can't talk to my friend...even though he said I could...cause I don't want to tell him how I feel. It wouldn't be fair to do that to him. But really all I want is a hug. And I can't get one. I wish that I had just stayed in the painful place and hadn't escaped. Coming back is too hard. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
klim Posted February 22, 2016 Share Posted February 22, 2016 "And I like him for him. Not just as an escape. So now I can't think about him. Cause I really don't want him. Not like that." If you like him and it feels comfortable who's to say it's the wrong time. Is he available in that way?. If he's not married or with someone else, why not let him be your support and maybe more. Grieving can be done while finding comfort and even happiness that's connected to a new person. Only you are going to truly know when you are ready for what. Sometimes even we have difficulty knowing what we want. If you're honest in how you present your needs, wants and uncertainties maye you can still get the warm feeling he provides you. Wishing you peace as you navigate this tricky path Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carey Posted February 22, 2016 Share Posted February 22, 2016 I have no advice ... just want to say I did the same thing and am still in the bubble. TERRIFIED of breaking the connection. And for many reasons, it can never have a permanent outcome, so I guess I am delaying the inevitable and keeping myself from looking for something that could actually work......but I can't tear away from him, so I totally understand. I also understand the feeling of not being able to tell anyone because they'd be appalled. I'm here if you need to talk .... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fuchsiasky Posted February 23, 2016 Author Share Posted February 23, 2016 He is not someone who is ok for me to be with. Or I would. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jeff1973 Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 fuchslasky. I think I'll risk sticking my foot in my mouth and hopefully not offend you. I appreciate your honesty and thankful that we have this place to say how we feel. You needed someone to talk to and this was your only outlet I believe. I hope you are not let down. Surviving Widowhood is different for each and everyone of us. I don't believe there is any correct way to work our way through it. Every one of us had different issues thrown at us and for anyone to say how we should have muddled our way through the pain is just crazy and shallow thinking. I never had anyone chase after me or there to comfort me during the first most difficult year so I never faced those choices. I never had to make any choices or decisions that so many fresh Widows have had to make. I am so thankful that situations didn't present themselves to me so I never had the opportunity to make a tough decision. It's OK and I understand what you are saying. In my opinion it is not unreasonable for someone to comfort you through that painful part of your Widowhood but for whatever reason it can not continue. You are not the first or last person that was comforted by a compassionate person that cared. Please take comfort in that you did realize that the relationship can not continue. There is no road map or book on how to survive this pain. Peace to you, and thank you for sharing your pain. Jeff1973 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fuchsiasky Posted February 24, 2016 Author Share Posted February 24, 2016 thank you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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