jeff1973

My wife's GBM started in Aug. 2010 and she is the few, like 3% that live over 3 years after it's found. She lived 3 yrs. and 2 weeks passing away at home. Her last day here she made funeral arrangements, made a very nice meal and passed the next day. She was positive that she would beat it until leukemia showed up in Mar. 2013. Then positive attitude because we had a good bone marrow donor. But she turned acute, brain cancer was coming back and Monday after Fathers Day we called it good and let it run it's course. Avastin was fantastic and bought us another year but eventually the end will come. Be supportive of your friend, allow him to say and ask anything, be sincere in offering any help you can take care of. Please encourage him to have ALL paperwork in order, even funeral arrangements " Just in Case ". It was soooo helpful to the survivors of both my wife and her Dad that I then became his full time caretaker also. About 3 months before Pam passed away she wanted to see our financial adviser and tax man because she wanted to know the life insurance, other papers and her Dads Trust was the way she wanted. Please encourage your friend to make sure his wife knows where papers are and has it as he wants, " just in case ". It's a true showing of his Love for his family to do so. Once they pass then the real crap raises it's ugly head. Thankfully my wife did it on her own and I saw the blessing and value of Pam getting everything in order. Fallow the others wise suggestions from here too. Sorry about your friend, Jeff

Awwww, What a nice memory. It put a smile on my face when I really needed to hear something good. Thank You so much,, Jeff

Ummmm, I have to agree with Taurus on this one. Love conquers and overpowers all fears. Love conquers distance. Love conquers handicaps. Love conquers everything. Love will not allow anything to stand in between two people "meant" to be together. Maybe it's time to move onto someone physically and emotionally available. Good Luck to you,, Jeff1973

Yup, I have missed you too. Last I knew you were counting down for that special day. It should be soon or did I miss it? I hope I didn't miss it. :-[ Hope you are doing well. Keep the Faith Jeff1973

Thank You for making us aware April. You may have saved someones life. Have a wonderful day,,Jeff1973

Missing Squish, I hope the guys can chime in because we have tons of fun too. I just finished giving the 3 schnauzers their hair cuts. Yeaaaa, it's done Chickens are put to bed ready to lay eggs tomorrow. Showered up and ready for Deadliest Catch. Hmmmmm Sort of lacking someone to watch a chick flick with. :-[ Oh well, maybe next Saturday Night? Maybe? Jeff1973

Yeah, at 1 year out, Thanks Mom. I'm so sorry blue. They just don't get it. You're not replacing a car. Happy Mothers to you and all the Widow Moms out there. Jeff1973

I'm sorry Fern for the hardships that you are going through. Bad enough to lose our spouses but then most of the time life feels like it has to drive the point home that we are alone and hurting. In 2010 Pam and I had our Trust and FIL had his Trust. There was just Pam and her brother left. Her brother died unexpectedly in June 2010, exactly 2 months later Pam's brain cancer started. After surgery we all went to the Trust lawyer to see if her dads Trust needed to be updated. Yup, it did. We would have thought that if brother wasn't around to collect his inheritance then Pam would get it all. Nope, not at all. In this state what would have gone to Pam's brother would then be given to his 2 kids. So Pam would get half the farm and her brothers 2 kids would get the other half. What a mess. Legally his wife is not entitle to anything unless the Trust says so. Since she blew what she inherited from her mom by going to Vegas, FIL was not interested in giving her anything. Oh wait a minute, FIL had previously paid off their house that was being foreclosed on. Hmmmm, FIL never had to bail us out for anything. It was then amended that Pam and or I would get the farm and her brothers 2 kids each received X amount of dollars. My 2 kids are to receive whatever cash is left over, if there is any. Pam nor I and a bunch of others never received anything from Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles or friends but things are different today. The one thing Pam didn't get done was set up college funds before she passed. She was concerned of how to set it up so DD wasn't dipping into it and what if they didn't go to college. I told her a few days before she passed I would take care of it and I will, to the amount she said. Another promise to keep. To me, I think the money in most cases should go to the spouse of the deceased, but in my Sil case, she would have spent it at the nearest Casino. Her son has received his inheritance early for a down payment on a house. There is something to show for it which pleased FIL. Maybe things are different in your state but that is what happened in my little world. I hope things work out for you, Jeff1973

donswife, I'm sorry for the loss of your Mom so soon after losing Don. Re-grief, I'm not sure that there is such a thing, kind of hard to say, who knows about this crappy road. Probably the biggest loss in our life is our spouse fallowed by a parent or child. Sometimes we are not allowed to grieve the loss of our spouse as we should. Did you have much time to grieve before finding out your Mom was sick? Maybe the issue is the grieving of losing Don was interrupted by learning your Mom was very sick and that is what you had to focus on. Now that your Mom has passed the grieving of Don starts back up. Probably now you're going through a double whammy of grieving over both Don and your Mom. 7 months after losing Pam I find her Dad taken down by a stroke and I had to move to his home to care for him. I'm not done grieving over losing Pam at all. Grieving has been on hold for over 2 years now. Grieving slips out now and then but is always interrupted by being a caretaker 24-7. Before too long I will be grieving the loss of Pam and the loss of her whole family. I knew all 5 members of this farm and they will be gone. No longer will this place be in her family's name. It also looks like my Mom is about to pass, so my parents will be gone. I think we will be in the same boat soon, continuing the grieving of losing our spouses. My hope is that it won't be as bad as the first few months. I can only hope, but it may be worse. Too many people dying. Do I have any advice? Nope, this is all new to me too. Sorry My best to you,,Jeff1973

KJS, Oh I have dealt with that one. My wife and I have spent thousands of hours helping her Dad on his farm through the years. 7 months after losing her to cancer I find her Dad taken down by a stroke. I moved from my farm to his farm to care for him in his home. For over 2 years I have cared for him by my self because he has no family alive anymore. I have spent thousands of dollars to care for him, plus place my grieving and life on hold to honor my promise to Pam. My very own kids have attempted to get his trust changed because I have, " Nothing Coming " as " I'm not Blood ". Grrrrrrrr. Not according to my Wife and FIL. No one but me has helped this 92 year old father of my wonderful Wife and WW 2 veteran. That's OK, Guess who's got , " Nothing Coming " when I pass away? Yup, I understand that stuff,, Jeff1973

Tybec, I guess I would have no problem with a lady checking me out to know that I'm legit and who I say I am. In fact I encourage it for their own peace of mind because I have nothing to hide. I'm not so comfortable of anyone saying they have or can learn everything about someone just to prove a point. Can that be an indication of control issues somewhere down the road? I don't know to be honest. My guess is if a lady doesn't want me to know who she is or where she is then that is her choice. If I want more then it's my choice to ask or to leave the relationship. I will never do anything that would make someone uncomfortable. It's not in me to do that. To me sharing information is a mutual trust issue and should be treated as such. Besides I'm too computer challenged to, " Know Stuff ". :-[ Love the Checklist Rob Jeff1973

Wow, at 22? This game playing stuff applies to all ages I think. So Sad that people do this. Honesty does matter Jeff1973

Same here Lewis.. At first I didn't like the black back ground but I came to like it. I'm typing till late at night and I think the black back ground is easier on my eyes. I think the black background makes it easier to go to sleep when I'm done typing too. Ya know, it's that Melatonin brain sleep thing. : Thanks for all you do, it's an excellent format all in all. :) jeff1973

Oh No Lewis, can everyone spell exceppt me? :-[ Maureen got her " Likes",, but no "Spell Checks" left in the bag? Ugggg, seriously, I have to get the Big Webster out in this computer age? : I know there is a fix somewhere. Thanks, Jeff1973

Spell check, OMG, gott to have a spell check on P.M.. :-[ :-[ :-[ Thanks for all you do. Jeff 1973

fuchslasky. I think I'll risk sticking my foot in my mouth and hopefully not offend you. I appreciate your honesty and thankful that we have this place to say how we feel. You needed someone to talk to and this was your only outlet I believe. I hope you are not let down. Surviving Widowhood is different for each and everyone of us. I don't believe there is any correct way to work our way through it. Every one of us had different issues thrown at us and for anyone to say how we should have muddled our way through the pain is just crazy and shallow thinking. I never had anyone chase after me or there to comfort me during the first most difficult year so I never faced those choices. I never had to make any choices or decisions that so many fresh Widows have had to make. I am so thankful that situations didn't present themselves to me so I never had the opportunity to make a tough decision. It's OK and I understand what you are saying. In my opinion it is not unreasonable for someone to comfort you through that painful part of your Widowhood but for whatever reason it can not continue. You are not the first or last person that was comforted by a compassionate person that cared. Please take comfort in that you did realize that the relationship can not continue. There is no road map or book on how to survive this pain. Peace to you, and thank you for sharing your pain. Jeff1973

Wow, Justin. You really hit the nail on the head.. Makes me wish I had someplace to move to. Maybe someday. Best of wishes for you too,, Jeff 1973

OMG Mel, I can't stand it anymore. Do you know how to spell NARCISSIST because that is exactly what you are dealing with. I have watched this guy play you right from the beginning. He knew exactly what to say and do to make you fall in love with him. Your in love with being in love and he took advantage of you. He played on your soft heart and your need to find someone to be in love with. Everything was fed to you piecemeal so you wouldn't run and to make you feel sorry for him. I don't think for a minute that you have had anything to do with that freshly divorced guy if he told you up front that he was a swinger and having "sex parties" at his house. He was having sex parties to try and save his marriage? Oh please, it was probably his idea all along just like how his kids were made aware. All those women chasing after him that were nothing but trouble. Yeah right. Wake Up Mel, every single thing he has done has NARCISSIST written all over it. From the first date, first brake up, entwining into your family, engagement, sudden break up, now he keeps his hooks in you even more. I knew he would be back and you haven't heard the last of him. Now he is in total control of you and you prove it by wanting him back no matter what. Just what are you willing to do to be in his arms again? I will bet that he has been cheating on you all along, are you OK with that? He convinced you that there is no sense in trying to hide what is going on from your DD. He played his cards right and made it into your home, your family, and finally your bedroom. Seems like there was no more challenges for the narcissist to conquer so it's off to the next victim. I'm sorry Mel, I'm not going to coddle you. Everybody tried to warn you but you wouldn't listen, remember the thread, remember that the Space Station can see the red flags? You didn't listen then and probably still won't, but everyone was/is right. Run Mel, You deserve better, Get a book on Narcissist and open your eyes to what is happening to you. There is nothing but heartbreak in your future with this guy. Get away while you can. I'm sorry to be so blunt, but I hate seeing your heart broken, ieff1973

WOW Tracey, I mean just WOW.. You got this girl, I'm so very proud of you.. May the Judge bless you this day. Jeff 1973

I am so sorry Mel, even our pets that bring memories of our past loved one is so hard to lose.. Everything is so hard now.. Please know that you did the best you could and it had to of broke your heart to make the decision once again all alone. Life sucks sometimes, and awesome other times. Good luck to you, Jeff

Oh Tracey, What a blessing Mark Shultz has brought us... So very true, someday our tears will be wiped away and what a day of great joy that will be.. Thank you so much for sharing this with us.. I absolutely Love that picture. That picture says it all doesn't it? Leaving the terrible heart breaking past and walking into the new and wonderful future WITH you special son... I'm so proud of you and your positive attitude,, Your going to do great things and laugh once again Easy to see that you have a great son to LOOK up to....LOL : The very best to you two,,,, Jeff 1973

Simired Tracey, I don't believe that you said too much.. Just the opposite as you spent a lot of time to show a horrible heartache that could occur after the worst heartache of losing a loving spouse.. I don't know if it will help me in the end but I am a firm believer in waiting at least a year before marrying someone.. I wouldn't think that they could hide their character defects for that long but apparently in your case he was able to.. Leaves me at a loss of what to do because as careful as you were he was able to deceive you until it was too late.. I did stumble onto a website that told guys what to say and do to trick women into thinking that they are the perfect guy.. I felt that it is disgusting to take advantage of women's feelings, finances and life but it does happen.. All I can think is that hopefully there is a special place for those that take advantage and abuse the vulnerable, especially Widows... Thank you for having the courage to share your story and hopefully your honesty will save another from this heartbreak.. May the Widow Bus pick You and your Son up soon.... Jeff1973

I really think I would prefere to skip the dating game if it's just the same to the world.. I'm certain I would like to wake up one day and find that I am married to a beautiful, confident, talented, loving, "normal", outgoing, schnauzer loveing, Lady!! Wait a minute, I had that once,,, It was not a dream.. She is gone now.. But this NIGHTMARE continues,, It never seems to end.... Jeff1973 Typo

Cancer Widower here too, Glio blastoma multiforme,, GBM and 2.5 yrs. later Leukemia,,AML... About a year before diagnosis Pam threw up a couple of times with no idea why and was having vision problems.. Fri. at work she became nausious and was seeing grey stars, Pam never worked again..Aug 30-2010 they removed a marble size tumor by her left ear about an inch inside the skull..Did chemo and radiation until Christmas 2010.. I retired April 2011 to care for her, we knew she would not live long but was hoping for a miracle..June 2011 her brain was speckled with cancer so we used Avastin which for a year and a half cleared it up and gave us hope. 8 months after stopping the Avastin, March 2013 brain cancer came back and leukemia showed up.. We had an excellent match for doing a Bone Marrow Transplant but Pam had turned acute so 7 days before our 35th we had to call it good and just enjoy life the best we could.....3 months later Pam would be gone. We bought our farm Sept.18-1995, 18 years later the farm is paid for and Sept.18-2013 will be the last full day that Pam will live.. She picked out her casket and funeral arangments and made a big dish of chicken divone on her last full day. We knew the end was near but thought we had a few weeks left. We didn't know..11:28am the next morning I was with her in the E.R. as she took her last breath..Pam was 58,, she took care of the previous housewife of our farm that died from brain cancer and leukemia at 56.. Wives are too precious and I will tear down that house before I sell the place.. I'm not going to gamble with the life of wife #3. I very much count my blessings in that I never had to watch my wife deteriorate and be in severe pain as many of the other caretakers experianced.. Pam made it into the 3% that live longer than 3 yrs. after diagnosing a GBM.. Too many loved ones die of cancer, I hate it,,,Jeff1973

Hey AC, I agree with you, how bout that, kind a scary. I'm not real big on the applaud system either. Couldn't we applaud each other and feel good??Yeah Jeff1973