Kid who is constantly worried

[Guest TooSoon]

So, my daughter has gone into this new phase of constantly being worried she's going to get into trouble or get yelled at or that she's hurt someone's feelings.  She used to be so brave but now she seems vulnerable and scared.  She has also become extremely clingy about friends.  As long as she is with friends, she's fine but the minute she is not, she defaults to this worrying thing.  She gets up at night worrying, needing validation.  ANd now I am worrying.  Is this about validation?  Is this the fear that more people are going to disappear?  Is this what little girls are like at 9?  I'm not sure what to do or how to allay whatever these fears are.  I've been warned time and again by school and child psychologists that her grief will manifest at times.  I haven't been very happy lately.  I've been trying to keep her busy so that she's not dragged down by me but this is all disconcerting. 

[daysofelijah]

My oldest is a worrier. He worries about everything. Some times are worse than others. I know if I am not doing well he worries more. Regular counseling appointments, and making sure he gets out and does things, has friends over helps. He is a talker and I am not, I hate talking. He is so much like his father, so I have to make sure he gets outlets to talk.

 

I agree with what you said about grief manifesting at times. This seems to be one of those times for your daughter. I am sorry you are both not doing well. I hope you can find an outlet to get through it. Maybe some counseling? Or with spring here, some activities to do together, or even some group activities she can be involved in? Maybe keeping active and busy will allow for less time to worry? I know it helps my son to keep busy and dwell less on sad things.

[sojourner]

You may want to consider the possibility of a biological disorder, as well. That's about the age one of my kids developed various symptoms (anxiety, perfectionism, various social fears, eating issues, difficulty with homework, etc.) that were later diagnosed as ADHD- inattentive subtype (difficulty with concentration, not really hyper-acting), "traveling with," as her doctor put it, anxiety disorder and a touch of OCD, for good measure. I was told that ADHD is frequently accompanied by other issues, all part of a brain chemistry imbalance. And this was way before grief became a factor (in her freshman year of college) which then triggered depression in addition to exacerbating the rest of it.  She ended up taking a year off school as we worked on ways of getting through, but did go back to college at a different school this past fall.

 

I don't know whether this is related to what she's experiencing, of course, but thought I'd mention it just in case.  Hoping you can get to the root of things and have a plan for easing her worries soon! It's so hard to see our kids struggle, and a person can feel so helpless sometimes.

 

[Sugarbell]

Little girls are a whole new ballgame. My 8 year old has gotten very clingy to me and just me. She's not that way at school or with friends...but she's very clingy, doesn't want me out her sight when I am home. I do lots of things with her...and lately honestly it's exhausting. She's a sweetheart but is going through I very high maintenance stage.

 

With her...I attribute it to me working longer hours out of town and to us moving. I have always been her security blanket. I think she's worried about everything but doesn't verbalize it directly. I know these changes are hard on her especially I just hope it time it smooths out.

 

In my case I don't attribute it to her grief...but more the fact that it's always been just me solo parent. She has no reference to anything different.

 

It's a tough emotional road on us as parents....hopefully it's a phase that she will phase out of (Usually when one kid gets out of a phase at my house another one decides to have major meltdown-it's cyclic )😂

[imissdow]

All of my kids went thru a phase were they became more aware of were they fit in the social circles they are a part of. Including if they will get in trouble, be included and such. My middle high anxiety/ very bright kid was the worse. Her therapist told me it was because she was smart enough to figure out all the possible problems that could happen. I remember having conversations about being yelled at was more about the person yelling and as long as she didn't get in "big trouble" or lose privileges it really wasn't a big deal.  Could it be part of grief sure. Might be making things worse, and exzabrating it. But as a mom of 3 kids sounds typical to me.  The good news is it gets better after middle school usually for us in 8th grade.

[Captains wife]

This could be a phase ? I highly doubt this just has to do with your recent behavior (as you mentioned recently not being happy).

 

My almost 5 year old son is suddenly going through a phase where he is worrying what everyone thinks of him. So if I get upset/mad about something he has done, the first thing out of his mouth is "do you still like me" ? He is a very self assured kid normally but when kids at the pool etc aren't interested in playing with him, he says "they don't like me?". He has also been much clingier to me than ever.

 

As a solo, first time parent who is still really finding her way - I enlisted a child therapist to help me navigate some of these behaviors + help deal with his grief (and associated issues with his early loss) as I honestly don't know how to.

[Guest TooSoon]

Its hard to tell, CW.  She's always been a sensitive kid but its been amplified lately.  I will say though that our three year relationship with her therapist is really paying off now.  There were times I wondered but she now sees her as someone she can trust and confide in.  Worth every penny I've spent on it.