I can't stand to be around them...

[still_lost]

I was never close to my in-laws when my husband was alive, and things are still somewhat awkward now that he is gone. There were a few years where I didn't have any contact with them due to ongoing issues that we were having, so for my own sanity and mental health, I had to keep my distance. Now that we have gotten back in contact with each other, I'm finding that not much has really changed with them. His parents are still the selfish people that they always were, and his siblings are exactly the same. I visit occasionally with my son since I want him to know my husband's family, and he has cousins close in age. I am usually spot on when it comes to people, and I was right about that family from the beginning. All I heard about was their new this, or new that, and this vacation or that one, what new things they were planning to buy, the gossip going around in their church, their rude neighbors, blah, blah, blah, not ONCE did anyone ask how I was doing or managing things after six years of being without my husband. My eyes have been completely opened this time, and I honestly do not want to open myself up to these people, I never did. I wonder how a man so sweet, loving, and unmaterialistic like my husband could have come from that family. I will do my part to bring my son for a visit, but I will not go any further than that. I've seen all that I need to see. I don't have the patience for superficial people, or those who are so self-absorbed that they can't take a moment to show concern for someone else. Has anyone else experienced this?

[klim]

In a way yes but I think I know why. one of my BIL avoids all personal conversations with me. BUt he was very close with DH and I've always just read into it that actually being around me is difficult for him because it is a huge reminder of who is missing. He is not highly materialistic but I could see him going on about what he's bought or where he's vacationed just tp avoid being real and feeling.

[WifeLess]

still_lost,

 

My former inlaws are extremely dysfunctional on many different levels, and for nearly all of the 28 years that I was with my wife, I found them difficult to be around. Even my wife herself, for many years before her death, often avoided interacting with them. So it is not surprising that now, nearly 7 years later, I have virtually no contact with her family members even though most live only a few miles away. I haven't seen or spoken to any of them in more than 4 years and I don't expect to ever again. I think this is best for all concerned.

 

--- WifeLess

[Guest nonesuch]

My in-laws are fine, but distant.  In fact, even when LH was alive, the majority of times they had conversations was because LH called them himself. If he'd left it up to them, he'd maybe hear from his brother once a year, and his sister, never.

 

 

[Lmsmdm]

I haven't spoken to my mil since the memorial service. Best decision I ever made.

[Jess]

I haven't spoken to my mil since the memorial service. Best decision I ever made.

 

Ditto.

[Bunny]

I haven't spoken to my mil since the memorial service. Best decision I ever made.

 

Ditto.

 

Yep.