Losing friends...

[still_lost]

I have lost a few friends over the years, and I can honestly say that I am much better off. I was never a person who had lots of friends, but I had a few that I could count on. After my husband died, it was almost like people thought I was contagious. All of a sudden, dates got cancelled, phone calls went unreturned etc.. After a while, I left people alone since I'm not in the habit of chasing people or begging anyone to be my friend. It is lonely sometimes not having anyone to talk to, but I would rather have people around me who are sincere. I've found that I have an almost zero tolerance for BS and lies. I know that I have changed in the past six years, and I've had to leave some people behind. My husband was my best friend, and the only person that I could confide in and feel comfortable about it. I've accepted that I might not get to be that close with another person.

[Guest TalksToAngels]

I considered it like getting the plague. The friends you thought were friends, really weren't friends, at all.

A friend is someone who'll be there, through the worst of times. Most scatter like bugs, when someone passes.

I think it's very common. People dissapearing, when faced with something, they can't understand.

[SoVerySad]

It hurts, especially when you need people the most. I remember wracking my brains wondering what I might have done to turn people away. All I can think of is that I was really sad and probably kind of depressing to be around. Given that I really couldn't change that at the time as I was trying my best to wear my mask, etc, I've reached the conclusion that it is what it is. I can't spare any energy for worrying about that and like you I have no tolerance for playing games.

 

I will say that while I have only a few people I can really talk to now, they are very special to me. 

 

Hugs to you...

[swilson]

Sorry you're dealing this. Someone mentioned it as being avoided so as not to share our "widow cooties".

[Needytoo]

I am in the cootie club as well.  The abandonment of family and friends was a huge issue with me.  Then I was able to accept it and guess forgive them and wow that was a huge turn for the good.  Slowly I am gaining new friends, and they are the best!! 

How have you changed still_lost?

[Captains wife]

This was one thing that REALLY pissed me off at first. I was alone with a 9-mth old baby in a new community after my husband suddenly died 4 years ago and many people I considered my friends "disappeared". Well - I moved on and have a new set of friends and am very thankful for the great people I have met along the way since becoming a widow. Those who didn't support me, well...I cut them out of my life and have no regrets.

[BrokenHeart2]

I can relate to Needytoo.  I felt totally abandoned by my 5 siblings and the rest of the fam.  Forgiveness for my siblings has made a huge difference.  I realized they really just dont get it.  How could they, they haven't gone through it.  As for my pre-widowhood superficial "friends", they are long gone  and I have the genuine good old friends while making new ones too.