still_lost Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 I have lost a few friends over the years, and I can honestly say that I am much better off. I was never a person who had lots of friends, but I had a few that I could count on. After my husband died, it was almost like people thought I was contagious. All of a sudden, dates got cancelled, phone calls went unreturned etc.. After a while, I left people alone since I'm not in the habit of chasing people or begging anyone to be my friend. It is lonely sometimes not having anyone to talk to, but I would rather have people around me who are sincere. I've found that I have an almost zero tolerance for BS and lies. I know that I have changed in the past six years, and I've had to leave some people behind. My husband was my best friend, and the only person that I could confide in and feel comfortable about it. I've accepted that I might not get to be that close with another person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest TalksToAngels Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 I considered it like getting the plague. The friends you thought were friends, really weren't friends, at all. A friend is someone who'll be there, through the worst of times. Most scatter like bugs, when someone passes. I think it's very common. People dissapearing, when faced with something, they can't understand. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoVerySad Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 It hurts, especially when you need people the most. I remember wracking my brains wondering what I might have done to turn people away. All I can think of is that I was really sad and probably kind of depressing to be around. Given that I really couldn't change that at the time as I was trying my best to wear my mask, etc, I've reached the conclusion that it is what it is. I can't spare any energy for worrying about that and like you I have no tolerance for playing games. I will say that while I have only a few people I can really talk to now, they are very special to me. Hugs to you... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swilson Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 Sorry you're dealing this. Someone mentioned it as being avoided so as not to share our "widow cooties". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Needytoo Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 I am in the cootie club as well. The abandonment of family and friends was a huge issue with me. Then I was able to accept it and guess forgive them and wow that was a huge turn for the good. Slowly I am gaining new friends, and they are the best!! How have you changed still_lost? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captains wife Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 This was one thing that REALLY pissed me off at first. I was alone with a 9-mth old baby in a new community after my husband suddenly died 4 years ago and many people I considered my friends "disappeared". Well - I moved on and have a new set of friends and am very thankful for the great people I have met along the way since becoming a widow. Those who didn't support me, well...I cut them out of my life and have no regrets. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrokenHeart2 Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 I can relate to Needytoo. I felt totally abandoned by my 5 siblings and the rest of the fam. Forgiveness for my siblings has made a huge difference. I realized they really just dont get it. How could they, they haven't gone through it. As for my pre-widowhood superficial "friends", they are long gone and I have the genuine good old friends while making new ones too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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