is it possible to re-grief (not sure what else to call it )

[donswife]

soon after myDon died , my mom got sick

a year in and out of hospice but had some really good moments with her

she passed away a few weeks ago

what is worrying me is that I have noticed I have restarted the first months of losing don

I started to leave a note for him the other day ...few seconds later ..yup

I was at a friends and was about to stay longer because "don would be there to let the dog out " ..then..

I am waking up in the morning and thinking he's at work ..then it hits

I am scared that this whole process or whatever we call it has restarted

and was wondering if anyone has any advise

the only positive I have is for a few seconds He's here

 

 

[BrokenHeart2]

DW I am sorry to hear about your Mother.  Re-grief, I've never heard of it.  It must be awful to go through again.  I hope it is short lived for you.

Hugs

[PhotoJunkie]

I think we not only grieve the loss of the person, but what that person represented to us as well.  We grieve the loss of the actual person, their laugh, smile, silly jokes etc.  But we also grieve that connection.  The loss of the person we turn to in high stress situations.  So here you have a very sick mom who has now passed away and instead of turning and leaning on him, you are grieving the loss of that outlet.  You are also grieving the loss of your mom, which while completely different, is still grief. 

 

I am so very sorry for the loss of your mom.  Big big hugs

[Trying]

I think it's not surprising that losing your mom would bring up a new wave of grief.  My best, non professional advice would be to give time and space for whatever you are feeling.  I'm sure caring for your mom gave you a purpose and a distraction which you have now lost in addition to losing her.  Add to to that the fact that your Don should be here to comfort you while you grieve your mom. 

 

Sending you the tightest hugs.

[jeff1973]

 

 

donswife,

 

I'm sorry for the loss of your Mom so soon after losing Don.

 

Re-grief, I'm not sure that there is such a thing, kind of hard to say, who knows about this crappy road.

 

Probably the biggest loss in our life is our spouse fallowed by a parent or child.

 

Sometimes we are not allowed to grieve the loss of our spouse as we should.  Did you have much time to grieve before finding out your Mom was sick?  Maybe the issue is the grieving of losing Don was interrupted by learning your Mom was very sick and that is what you had to focus on.  Now that your Mom has passed the grieving of Don starts back up. Probably now you're going through a double whammy of grieving over both Don and your Mom.

 

7 months after losing Pam I find her Dad taken down by a stroke and I had to move to his home to care for him.  I'm not done grieving over losing Pam at all.  Grieving has been on hold for over 2 years now.  Grieving slips out now and then but is always interrupted by being a caretaker 24-7.  Before too long I will be grieving the loss of Pam and the loss of her whole family.  I knew all 5 members of this farm and they will be gone.  No longer will this place be in her family's name.  It also looks like my Mom is about to pass, so my parents will be gone.

 

I think we will be in the same boat soon, continuing the grieving of losing our spouses.  My hope is that it won't be as bad as the first few months.  I can only hope, but it may be worse.  Too many people dying.

 

Do I have any advice?  Nope, this is all new to me too.  Sorry

 

My best to you,,Jeff1973       

 

 

[JeanGenie]

DW, I unfortunately have no advise to offer. Just know I'm sending you virtual hugs until I can give you a big hug in a couple weeks.  Keep reaching out to us here and feel free to PM me if you want.

{{Hugs}}

[donswife]

thank you all .

Everything you guys have said has helped

I do think missing Don at these times makes it harder

I am going to try and put a positive spin on this

and think of it as don showing up in my head and heart ,even if just for a second, to let me know he's here

well I ll give that a try anyway

again thank you all for the support

--jeff1973 feel free to pm me , you sound like you are going through the same timeline and caretaking

--JeanGenie    so looking forward to the bago

[sojourner]

My sympathies on the loss of your mother, donswife.

 

I'm fast approaching my 2 yr mark. In the first 20 months after my LH's death, I also lost an uncle, then two aunts, and then my father. My oldest sister was also diagnosed with cancer, with a poor prognosis. I'm just numb half the time, and feel frozen. I can't afford to be like that, as I'm in the middle of buying/selling houses and moving. But I have to keep pushing on despite often feeling near that way I did when LH died.  And I bury my grief around my family, with my sister's situation. Still, sometimes I get some of that original extreme grief leak through.

 

Once this move is done, I want to line up grief counseling. In my case, I feel like I've had too many grief triggers, combined with needing to hide the cummulative grief behind a mask. It's just not a good thing.