May 17, 1997

[Bunny]

Today is my wedding anniversary. I really don't know what to say about it. I feel...I don't know how I feel.

 

It's raining outside. I'm trying to get ready for a big yard sale, which has required going through a lot of our things. My boyfriend sorted through the outbuildings for me. He makes me incredibly happy and is so very good to me. I am filled with gratitude that he came back into my life.

 

So...I guess I'm gonna have myself a good little cry. Starting right now. And call my husband's grandma. Then try to keep busy. I wish I could spend the day weeding the gardens, but it's just too wet out there.

 

We had such a beautiful wedding. I never for one second had any doubts about marrying him. He was my world, my joy. He was my true love. And so is my boyfriend. Falling in love after widowhood has been...a complicated and amazing and confusing and oh so lovely experience. It is strange to feel such happiness and sorrow at the same time, to be able to hold both these things in my heart simultaneously and be okay with it all...I am having such a hard time putting these things into words, so I'm just gonna stop right here.

 

Thanks for 'listening'.

 

 

[MrsDan]

. He was my true love. And so is my boyfriend. Falling in love after widowhood has been...a complicated and amazing and confusing and oh so lovely experience. It is strange to feel such happiness and sorrow at the same time, to be able to hold both these things in my heart simultaneously and be okay with it all...I am having such a hard time putting these things into words, so I'm just gonna stop right here.

 

 

 

Well, if you're trying to express what I'm feeling, you're doing a pretty good job. I think it's completely surreal. I often find myself in the strange position of finding it odd that Dan and N never met.  Although they are very different in many ways, they share a lot of the same interests and qualities and I think they would have made great friends. It's weird; I have to stop myself from trying to dissect it, because I just can't.

[Lisa]

Thinking of you today. Joys and sorrows live side by side

[Bunny]

I often find myself in the strange position of finding it odd that Dan and N never met.  Although they are very different in many ways, they share a lot of the same interests and qualities and I think they would have made great friends. It's weird; I have to stop myself from trying to dissect it, because I just can't.

 

Yup.

 

What makes it even more surreal is that they ran around in some of the same circles as young men, have some of the same friends (maybe even dated some of the same girls!) My husband's best friend remembers seeing my bf at parties and shows. My bf remembers his best friend, but can't for the life of him remember ever seeing my husband. Knowing they were sometimes at the same places, breathing the same air, sharing the same experiences...it's bizarre when I stop to think about it. We were just this week invited to a birthday party for an old roommate of my husband's, who is also an old friend of my boyfriend.

[Bunny]

Joys and sorrows live side by side

 

Certainly gives new depths of meaning to Khalil Gibran's 'On Joy and Sorrow'...

[Trying]

I can so relate to your post and my anniversary will be on the 22nd. Hugs to you today.

[Guest April]

"Falling in love after widowhood has been...a complicated and amazing and confusing and oh so lovely experience. It is strange to feel such happiness and sorrow at the same time, to be able to hold both these things in my heart simultaneously and be okay with it all...I am having such a hard time putting these things into words"

 

How beautiful.. I am no where near ready to even talk to anyone yet.. but for me it's only been a year.. I just can't fathom anyone else.. but yet I don't want to be alone forever.. this gives me some hope that maybe.. just maybe I will be open to love again.

[Bunny]

Those from my early days can tell you I was very adamant about having zero interest in dating. I didn't even like reading about other wids doing it! Whenever men expressed interest in me I'd blow them off with a breezy 'yeah, I'm not looking for another project'- their attention was upsetting, made me feel uncomfortably vulnerable. I just wasn't ready those first two years. Plus- falling in love after being widowed sounded terrifying and insane. I told my bf early on that I would never give another man that kind of power to hurt me ever again. The thought of enduring the pain of widowhood more than once was unimaginable.

 

And now, here I am writing about him in a thread about my wedding anniversary. As has been said many times here- widowhood can be quite the mindfuck. And here's the thing: it can feel just as giddy and intense and magical as it did the first time. I found the happiness, after so much intense grief, to pretty much feel like the best drug that ever existed (Which, of course, can also lead to very poor decision making for many wids. It's something to try to be mindful of).