First night alone

[Laurat679]

So tonight is the first night I have been alone since Randy collapsed and never regained consciousness. I felt like I just wanted alone time to freely yell and cry and whatever else without people hearing me.  It's awful, I miss him so much and it's so quieting lonely.  We had such a routine that it is so off.  On the positive side, I'm finally just seeing images of him instead of just picturing him in the hospital. 

[AubreeAnn]

Let it out. As much as you need and as long as you need. Keep an eye on those good things that you are starting to notice. He is close in your heart, always remember that. Giving you big big hugs.

[Jess]

I remember my first night alone. I think I was about 3 weeks out. It was hard and there were a lot of tears, but I made it. You can do it, too. I kept the TV on all night long and the noise helped me feel less afraid. Truthfully, I think the TV stayed on for 8 or 9 months straight.

[SoVerySad]

I remember how difficult the first night without my T there was. Sending you tight hugs for strength...

[donswife]

I am glad you are seeing images of him

 

I remember the first night , like Jess said I had the tv on and all the lights

it was a release for me to just be at our home and just cry and yell

I slept on his side of the bed and still do

take care

 

[MrsT85]

You are a braver woman than I was and am.  I never spent another night in our apartment (or now that I think about it, any time in it alone at all) after my Tim's car accident.  I moved back into my high school bedroom that day. 

 

And count me in as another who had to keep the TV on all the time to keep the terrible thoughts and voices in my head at bay.  I had to sleep with it on for well over a year...

 

Huge huge hugs....this is so hard  :'(

[sandrine2279]

Hi

five weeks out and I'm still at my parents.

not able to go back home without him...

hugs

 

 

[MrsT85]

Hi

five weeks out and I'm still at my parents.

not able to go back home without him...

hugs

 

 

 

I was there for almost a year.  Then at another relative's house for almost another additional year.  Our apartment wasn't home without him, so I never went back...

[Kater]

I too remember my first night alone.  My parents live an 8 hour drive away from me.  They stayed with me for a couple of weeks, and it was a tearful day for all of us when they left.  But I was also a bit relieved to have the house to myself to do just as you said - to cry, to sob, to do whatever I wanted and needed to do without worry about anyone else around.  In the days that followed, I had numerous friends and family come to stay with me.  After a couple of days of company, I wanted my time alone again.  I thought the ideal might have been to have someone there 1 night, and alone time the next. 

 

We just had moved into a new house in 2013.  It took us 6 months of looking to find what we wanted.  It was meant to be our forever home.  While that didn't work out as planned, I love the house.  I feel very comfortable and secure there.  I would not have said the same about our previous house.  I might have felt entirely different about where I wanted to spend my nights had we still been in the other house.

 

We rarely watched TV in the bedroom, but my ritual now is to head to bed (after a glass of wine or two), journal if I am not too tired, put the tv on until I fall asleep.  I still sleep on my side of the bed and say good night to him as I did for 20 years.

[Laurat679]

Thanks all....I did sleep ok.  And I too left the lights on and tv as well.  I have my dad coming back tomorrow and my sister later in the week.  I thought I wanted to be alone but I miss him too much.  I'm moving in with my dad in a couple months when our lease is up.  For now, I've started packing stuff up.