just dealing with people...

[markb74]

today is my 2 year sadiversary, and this week has been busy for me enough to have forgotten about it except for...

 

Seeing a text from my sister with the hug and kisses emoji... I didn't even think about it, I responded with thanks!...

 

then my dads wife calls me, I start to freak out, why is she calling me, is my dad ok, is my half brother ok? then I hear her voice in a happy tone, wishing me a good day, and sending me good thoughts on the anniversary of my wifes death, blah blah, I am showing pity to you, blah blah im trying to be a good person and think of you, blah blah, but I want to remind you about today, blah blah.......... I get three words in "OK", "OK", "BYE". then hang up....

 

up until that call I was oblivious to what today was, I was fine... perfectly fine! and that one call ruined the day... That's when the light bulb went on regarding my sisters text and it made me appreciate how simple it was to reach out to me, no words, no reminders...

 

then the fucking facebook memories started to pop in... for fuck sake facebook is great for keeping in touch with people, but I don't want bad memories to jump back to the forefront. my mother even was over today to pick up my son to take him to the museum today and she didn't say a word about it.

 

its been a busy as fuck week just by chance and ive been mentally occupied.

Tuesday had a contractor come move the a/c unit outside, Tuesday night picked up a new to me fridge and oven (brother moving, appliances were like 5 years old, my fridge and oven have to be 19+. wow) Wednesday had dinner out at red robin with GF and we each had our kids, Thursday I had golf and went out after and had some good food and saw live music with the golf buddies... oh Monday I started a blog too. a little late to the game but its a way to vent. I haven't told any friends or family because sometimes I just like to vent and not get feedback, or when I tinker with my car, after work is a golf lesson then tonight is dinner out with GF, and tomorrow is a small trip with my friend to pickup a car and a bunch of parts, sunday is a golf tournament that im looking forward to.

 

so, the universe (or subconsciously myself) had setup a nice busy week for my body and mind to forget today, but one person just had to make sure they made themselves feel better by wishing me good thoughts on in their words "the anniversary of your wifes death" I want to throat punch her and run her over with a bulldozer, then back up and hear the BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-BEEP then run her over again...

[Trying]

Oh Mark I am very sorry that your day was ruined.  We each handle these dates in our own unique way and your way of staying busy and preoccupied was working for you.  So many of us feel hurt when no one calls or remembers so I would say that her intentions were probably good and based on what she thinks she would need in your situation.  Sometimes with us Wids it's damned if you do, damned if you don't.

 

I hope your busy weekend gets your mood back on track.  And I agree, fuck the damn FB memories!

[Needytoo]

I use to block out the day my Mom passed away, totally would forget it and then the next day feel horrible that I did that.

 

Best wishes to you hope today is better.

[Out_of_the_Blue]

I am sorry that so many memories were dredged up for you just when you were feeling some peace.

 

Even though it's painful, I am one who is glad when people remember the date and say something to me about it. It makes me feel like my husband hasn't been forgotten. I feel more hurt by the people who say nothing even though they know.

 

Keeping busy is a great way to cope. Glad you made it through ok.

[trying2breathe]

I've been caught off guard by well meaning people with their texts or phone calls - it was embarrassing that I completely forgot DH's birthday the second year.  I appreciate that some remember my DH and the special days, but it still hurts so much. 

 

 

There's nothing good about this journey.  As Trying says - Damned if you do, damned if you don't.