3 weeks in and seriously angry

[greeneyedshannon82]

So today we had a celebration of life service for my husband. He was 37 years old, beautiful, talented, sweet,  everything I needed and nothing I didn't.  Three weeks ago his mother came to visit him. She'd just gotten a new car after spending a year and a half without one because she nearly killed herself in a car accident Christmas day 2014. She decided to take him to the state line to buy him some beer as a gift. He was watching my kids while I worked. They got in the car and drove 8 miles to the state line to get it. Right after they pulled out of the parking lot my DH started messing with the radio, looking for the CD button. His mother was driving. She started looking for the button too instead of watching the road. She ran off the road, over corrected,  rolled the car three times. My DH was thrown over 50 yards from the vehicle.  My children were in the car. Thank god...thank god they were not hurt. But my husband was. My 9 year old daughter got out of the car and flagged down a car for help. They called 911 and then me. I work 20 miles from the accident site and I beat the ambulances there by 20 minutes.  DH was alive when I reached the scene.  He was badly broken but I thought he would make it. But it took SO long for help to arrive. The life flight helicopter arrived and was transporting him to a trauma center 80 miles away.... they lost him. He died before I ever made it to the hospital. Massive internal trauma. Cardiac arrest due to internal bleeding. My sweet wonderful husband dead at 37. His mother... alive. His mother who nearly killed herself 2 years prior and learned nothing... still wasn't careful. Still drove like a moron. Could have killed my babies. Did kill her son and the love of my life. And she has been nothing but awful since it happened. She has fought me on handling death benefits through her car insurance. She told other family members it was not her fault. I hate her. I was able to forgive her for having the accident.  She did not intend for him to die. But her actions since the accident are absolutely intolerable. It should have been her life. Not my sweet husband's.  I cannot forgive her attitude.  I miss him every single day. I cry every single day... and she has the nerve to say it isn't her fault. ... to be angry with ME. ...... Grief is bad enough without a toxic sorry horrible person walking the earth who caused it all.

[SemperFidelis]

I am so sorry. What a mess for you to be amidst. Sitting here with you.

 

There is some possibility that she will start to feel responsible at some point. Generally, it is pretty normal for a person in her situation to feel some serious survival guilt.... Sometimes it is immediate and sometimes there is a delay of any length.

[SoVerySad]

I am so very sorry for the loss of your sweet husband. The circumstances of his death certainly make things more challenging for you. It could be that his mother keeps saying it wasn't her fault, because she is trying to convince herself of it as the alternative would be too much for her right now. Regardless, this is making all you are going through feel even worse. I wish I knew a way to lessen your pain. I want you to know that I recognize why you feel angry. It is common for the widowed to feel angry and look for someone to direct that anger towards - generally those we feel hold responsibility for our spouses' death, even if the result of an accident. The pain is very deep.

 

Sending you a tight hug...

[Portside]

Please accept my sympathies on the loss of your dear husband.

 

Deep down, a mother whose actions directly lead to the death of her son, cannot forgive herself and as a result, will lash out at anyone close to them. She may never lose her bad behavior as her self-imposed "life sentence" cannot be pardoned.

 

Best wishes - Mike

[mo]

I feel that anger and I have no one to be angry at. My husband died three weeks ago too.

[Guest jonesandjenn19781979]

My heart hurts so badly for you. What an awful experience and traumatizing for your children and yourself as well. Your mother-in-law is in denial. If she denies it then it didn't happen the way it happened. I'm so sorry you have to live without your soul mate. I too lost mine 6 days ago in a place where I thought he would be taken care of, the hospital, but was let down. I'm so glad that your babies are safe. I don't have words of wisdom. I'm barely making it day by day myself. Being around people that have experienced something so tragic makes me not feel, like I am now. Your hurt is felt and understood.