Imaginary Movie Dates

[Quixote]

Been a moody couple of weeks, figured I'd treat self to a movie.  Except I still feel weird about going to movies alone.  So, in a fit of possible maladaptive behavior, I just pretended my wife was with me.  Put the popcorn over on "her" side in an empty seat and stole it, like I always used to.  Left my hand on the armrest and imagined she would absently pat it from time to time.  Quietly commented on parts of it.

 

It was oddly comforting, at least until the lights came on.  Not really sure if this is the best thing to do, though.  I hear this Vincent Price like voice in my head saying "You should be aware, that path leads to madness..."  But it's not like I believe she's really there, so maybe I should roll with it and do what makes me feel better.

[klim]

Hey if it works it works. I think a lot of people ( ok maybe just me but I swear some one else said it)put a pile of pillows beside them in bed cause it allows them to relax...what's the diff?!?

[SemperFidelis]

Do what you have to do. I have full conversations (well, orations) with my dead guy every once in a while.

[Quixote]

Thanks, guys.  Guess that's one of the reasons I frequent this board, for that feeling of "I'm not the only one who does this". 

[Guest TooSoon]

For what it is worth, I just got back from a vacation with my partner, another widowed person I met on the old iteration of this board.  We took our daughters out west to go hiking.  The first trip I ever took with my late husband was out west.  This year we stayed, as we did 13 years ago, in Flagstaff.  We took the kids out for ice cream and I saw the neon sign of the hotel where I'd stayed 13 years ago with Scott.  I was magnetically drawn to this place.  I needed to go into that hotel and feel those feelings.  The pull was so strong it made my knees weak but it was good.  Really good.  It felt like a full circle sort of thing.  The next day we went hiking in the Grand Canyon and I realized I could see the spot out to which I'd hiked with Scott so long ago from the overlook where we stopped.  It was profoundly moving but in a good way.  I hadn't realized how much I needed to go back to places that were happy, not to relive them so much as validate that they actually happened - that it was all real.  I had forgotten all of the good after so much illness and grief.  I don't know if this makes any sense at all and it all took me by complete surprise but it was good.  I've been going to the movies alone since I was a teenager so going to movies alone doesn't hit me that way (though other things do) but I guess what I want to say is that I think it is healthy to find those places where you can just be in touch with something familiar from "then."  To get back in touch with yourself in a sense, ground yourself as it were.  Again, this might make no sense to anyone but me but I think you should always do what makes you feel better and embrace it even if it doesn't entirely make sense at the time.  There is something to be learned and gained in each of these forays we take.  And from the queen of moody, it is ok and entirely normal to be moody sometimes too. 

[SemperFidelis]

TooSoon, that makes perfect sense. I am so glad to hear of your nourishing experience. Thank you for sharing.

[Taurus]

..So, in a fit of possible maladaptive behavior, I just pretended my wife was with me.  ..

 

A very close friend of mine lost his wife about 5 years ago: I lost mine 17 months ago. My friend kept calling me to check on me just after the funeral, and has been a very big help having someone who's been through the same wringer I was being put through. He would tell me that when he heads up north to their holiday home on the coast, he always talked to Barbara as if she was there in the passenger seat. And he said he does the same when he's home some days, and whenever he's driving somewhere on a job. And he says it helped a lot.