Fall

[MrsDan]

It's coming. I can see it on the horizon, like a tsunami. I can feel it a bit today; it is cool, and being right before Labor day, the official end of summer and beginning of fall. It was a perfect fall day when he went into the hospital. It was fall when I buried him. Fall when it all imploded.

 

I am managing okay most of the time. Spring, which is typically hard because it's when we started dating, was better this year as I focused on my new relationship. I'm trying really hard to focus on the fact that my boyfriend and I met in the fall; it was just about this time when we started talking online, and we met in early November. But I can't imagine a time when all the markers of fall - the smell and crunch of the leaves, the pumpkin spice everything, the pulling out of sweaters, the cool crispness to the air will not send me spiraling back deep into that hell. I hate fall.

[Guest TooSoon]

For me it is the first signs of spring.  Muted now but still there on some primeval level.  Sending love. 

[TornApart]

(((MrsDan)))

[momtokam]

I'm sorry MrsDan....

 

I feel it too.

My wedding anniversary is in a few days, and his accident was a few days after that.

 

Add to that moving my oldest away to university on Monday and....well.......sigh.....

[CJF]

Mrs. Dan - I get the same feeling in fall. What would have been our 25th anniversary is approaching and his 50th birthday is right after that.  Funny how just the feel of a certain time of year can trigger us. ((HUGS))

[MissingSquish]

Hugs. I don't have more words than this.

[MrsDan]

Thanks all. After I posted this I closed my office door and cried. I got off of work early and my boyfriend came by. I told him I'd had a hard time that day, that I was feeling very low. He thanked me for telling him. WE were chatting for a bit and he mentioned that we have a pretty big milestone coming up, almost a year. I asked if he meant when we started talking or when he met. He said, he was thinking when we met. But then he said, "I just wanted you to know that at this time of year, you're not alone." I don't think he could have said anything more perfect right at that moment.

[Guest TooSoon]

That thumbs up is really a giant "love that!"

[Virgo]

I love fall. Phil and I got married October 22. We love the crisp, cool air. Ironically on our wedding day it was unseasonably warm, 83 degrees! Lol

 

Every fall we made our annual trip to the Apple Orchard for apples and pumpkins. In October we always had a Halloween party for our daughters. I haven't done either since he died, but I'm going to this year. My girls have been talking about it a lot lately. I think we're ready.

[MauiMermaid]

I was just about to post something about the season and read your post. Interesting how a certain time of year can carry this visceral emptiness. I can feel it. It is coming. The last few months he would live on this Earth (little did we know what was lurking just a handful of weeks ahead). Our anniversary in early November. My birthday, his birthday. The last Thanksgiving. The last Christmas. So many "lasts" leading up to him dying so suddenly. I don't think the last few months of the year will ever feel the same to me. It feels like a clock ticking to when he suddenly left me in those early days of 2013. 

[rooshy]

I sympathize with you Mrs Dan.  DH's birthday was this past Friday, October 21st.  We got married on December 12, 1998, he died on January 3rd, 2011 and of course the holidays.  (((hugs)))