lizerlfunk Posted September 7, 2016 Share Posted September 7, 2016 Hi. This is my first post. My husband died on August 19, 2016. It was sudden but it was after a long bout of illness and injury. He had Marfan syndrome, a genetic connective tissue disorder that causes problems with numerous body systems, including the eyes, lungs, skeletal system, and heart. In December 2015 he underwent planned surgery to repair an abdominal aortic aneurysm. This surgery left him paralyzed from the chest down. The surgery and the recovery caused him to have tremendous digestive issues, including a perforated stomach in January 2016, and an inability to eat without intense nausea that was never successfully diagnosed before he died. He also ended up with multiple pressure ulcers that became infected. On the day he died, I called 911 because he'd been vomiting for 6 hours straight (10 hours after being discharged from the hospital) and he had become very short of breath. They admitted him to the hospital suspecting sepsis (infection of the bloodstream). They did a CT scan and found air in the wall of his abdomen, and took him in for emergency surgery. That was when they discovered that his entire intestinal system was necrotic, a condition that was not compatible with life, in the surgeon's words. I miss him so much. I feel so guilty that there are things I couldn't do when I was his caregiver, and now I can do them, and I want to, but I don't want the reason I can do them to be that he's gone. I can't believe he's gone. I keep noticing things I want to tell him. I'm angry at the doctors, at the hospital, at everyone. I know that he was suffering so much for the last 8 months, and we did the right thing taking him off life support, but that doesn't make it any easier. Literally until the day he died, I continued to believe that he would eventually get better. He was 32, and I'm 31. We were together from the time I was 18, and married for the past 8 years. I don't even know what to do with myself. We were in the adoption process when he had his surgery--we were matched with an expectant mom and she was due in January. A few weeks before she had the baby, she decided to parent. Ultimately, that was probably for the best, because I was so busy caring for Bryan that I was in no way capable of also caring for a newborn. We put the process on hold, waiting until his health improved. So much for that. So he never got to be a dad, and he would have been a great dad. When I say stuff like "my husband died" or "my husband passed away" or when I talk about that horrible day, I can't believe that I'm actually saying it about my life. It feels like someone is going to say "ha ha! just kidding." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoVerySad Posted September 7, 2016 Share Posted September 7, 2016 I am so sorry for the loss of your husband and all you both went through with his medical issues. I remember also hoping against hope that my husband hadn't really died and it was all just a nightmare I would wake up from. I also was with my husband from a young age (16 in my case). I understand feeling as if you don't know what to do as your entire adulthood you've been part of a couple. I'm sorry you have reason to join us, but hope you will find the support here that I found. It helped me so much. Right now for you it is about the very basics. Getting yourself through each day, eating when you can, sleeping when you can, and being sure to drink lots of water to offset what you lose in tears. It may not feel like it now, but you will find your way through this devastation. We are here to support you as we've been where you are. Sending you tight hugs... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trying Posted September 7, 2016 Share Posted September 7, 2016 I'd like to say Welcome to our group but I am so sorry for the reason you need to be here. I hope you find the support here that I have from this wonderful group of people, we understand the range of emotions and the struggles you face. SVS gives very good advice, focus on the very basics of caring for yourself and try not to look too far ahead right now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
geminigirl Posted September 7, 2016 Share Posted September 7, 2016 I just wanted to say that I'm so sorry for the loss of your husband and that we're all here to listen anytime you need to vent. I'm only at 15 weeks and I've found that this is a good place to let it all out when I'm feeling depressed and crazy. (((HUGS))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SK Posted September 8, 2016 Share Posted September 8, 2016 I am so very sorry that you have to suffer this great loss. While there are no words or deeds that can help lessen the pain you feel and will continue to feel, I hope you can find a little support here from us all who have been where you are now. It's such a horrible shock to your entire being, enduring the loss that we all here have experienced. I have found great comfort in this community of loving people, and I hope it is a help for you as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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