3 years

[Trying]

In 5 hours it will be 3 years since I last held Tim and said my final goodbye to him.  3 years that at times feels like yesterday but mostly now feels like a life time ago.  My life has changed in so many ways both big and small.  2 of our boys have graduated high school, our little boy will soon be a teen, we moved, I went back to school and changed careers, I fell in love. 

 

The lead up to this sadiversary is so different than the last two.  The good memories are out numbering the awful memories of his last 4 months, I don't find myself reliving that time like I did the first two years.  While I'm still dealing with some difficulties with my oldest son, he seems to be embracing a new opportunity and for the first time I feel cautiously optimistic that he is on a good path. I am more at peace with myself and the decisions I have made, both the good and the questionable ones.

 

I am honoring him in a way that is very meaningful to me by attending a conference all week on Oncology Massage.  We were able to write the name of a loved one affected by cancer on a board in the front of the room without having to tell a story or share any details.  So all day I could look up and see his name while I learned about how I can improve the quality of life for others suffering from cancer and cancer treatment.  I was glad to be able to acknowledge him without having to share my story and get emotional in front of a roomful of strangers. 

 

I can't control cancer, it stole my Dad, it stole my husband, it stole my mom's breast.  I'm not smart enough to find a cure.  But with my touch and my compassion I can help to ease some of the pain and side effects of this awful disease and the havoc that treatment causes on the body and spirit and hopefully help a few people feel less alone in their battle.  This is how I am choosing, at 3 years out, to manage my grief.  It won't bring Tim back but it is helping me to keep living.

[Wheelerswife]

Hugs, D. 

 

I hope you can have some peace this week while remembering Tim.  Your post brought me back to the years we worked together and I remember you pregnant with your oldest son.  (We were so young back then!)  I hope your course can keep you focused away from the harder memories of Tim's last moments.

 

This is my week, too...7 years for Barry on Thursday.

 

Hugs,

 

Maureen

 

 

[Needytoo]

Hugs to you. 

 

Trying you should be very proud of yourself you have been and still are huge positive influence.  It is finding the peace and then keeping the peace. 

 

Hope you enjoy the conference. 

[TornApart]

That is a very beautiful way of honoring Tim amd your Dad, and facing cancer through gentleness and compassion. They would be so proud of you.

[canadiangirl]

Sending belated virtual hugs, such a great way to honour his memory.  I hope you and your family got through the sadiversary okay. 

[RobFTC]

Trying, hugs, and props for finding such a meaningful way to honor your husband.

 

Take care,

Rob T