I think it broke me

[beth_krkswidow]

"Oddly, I take comfort in my pain for it reminds me of how great was my love.  If you choose to live life with love then you also have given the power to those you love to shatter you . . . to break you.  Lately my mind has twisted the echo to hear "I love you", instead of "I broke you".  I think my love chose those words wisely, so many meanings behind them.

 

You do not get over grief, around it, through it, under it  . . . you learn to carry your loved one's water, as you each did for one another when they were alive.  The weight never changes only your strength to carry it does."

 

So true.  So profound.  I will try to remember this. 

 

[kimclerner]

I think it broke me.  I really do.  I don't think I can come back.  It's over 5 months and it is no better.  I don't know how to go on.  I certainly don't want to go on.  I'm just broken.

 

Beth, I feel exactly as you do. Tomorrow will be four months since my husband, Matthew, died and my grief has intensified over the last month.  My heart and soul are broken - I still can't truly comprehend that I'll never see his sweet face again. I see no end to the pain..

 

Kim

[beth_krkswidow]

Kim, no words, just hugs.just hugs.

[Lolligagger1983]

I'm approaching the six month mark. I feel so lost and broken too. At some points I've felt like giving up. I don't want to be here w out him. However I don't have a choice and it's horrible. I have a dog and really he's what keeps me going he needs me to take care of him. He needs me to walk him feed him and bathe him and my husband loved our pup more than anything. On my worst days this dog keeps me going. But I do have those days when I don't want to do anything I don't want to work or shower but no matter what I take care of my pup. I don't know if you have kids or pets but maybe you can turn to them to help you on your worst days. If I didn't have this dog I would be a really sad mess. I guess thank goodness for animals.

 

And I'm in no way preaching but before my husbands passkng I never went to church and had little to no faith in god. However for some reason after his passing I started praying at night. Thanking god for what I have and asking him to let my Husband know how much I love and miss him. I have very bad anxiety most days but for some reason praying helps. It eases my mind. I don't know but it works.

 

I don't know if this will help you but maybe it will? Thanks for reading and I'm glad I was able to share my experience with you.

 

#hugs

[beth_krkswidow]

Thank you.

Funny, we're the same and we're opposite.

 

Pets. YEes, I have 2 huge dogs, a cat who barged in on our  no cats household... and a blind horse. YEs, they help

 

I was a big prayer warrior before.  But now I find it difficult to pray?

 

Thanks so much... and hugs to you

[georgina114]

My answer in those terrible early days was that I had to care for our dog. Stupid, huh?  It wasn't some high minded thought like "life is a gift" or the cliched "she would want you to be happy".  It was the fact my dog needed to walked in the morning.  Got me moving, even though I didn't care anymore.

 

This doesn't sound too different from me... I've lost my husband 8 days ago and all I desire is to be where my husband is... the only thing that makes me stay is the fact that my doggie still needs me... He is like my son (we never had children) and is where I draw strength... 😭

[beth_krkswidow]

Exactly.

8 days, wow. I was catatonic and barely taking care of the dogs at 8 days

 

Hugs, Georgina. So sorry you had to join us here