Holidays

[imissdow]

For whatever reason this year is feeling harder then the last few. I supect it's because of all the changes in the past year finally feeling more permeant. I moved, the girls changed schools, life feels really different. My sister, the only one who lives in state has a new boyfriend. She hadn't dated in 6-8 years. So she now been seeing this guy for about 6 months. Nice guy I really like him, however my biggest issue is he's seperated but still married. My parents don't know this if they did it would not go over well.  My sister is taking a trip to Belize with him for Christmas. Sounds like fun I really hope she has a good time. However that also means that I get to do Christmas alone with my parents. Just for some reference my parents came to my house for thanksgiving. My dad said hello, ate dinner with out talking to anyone then put his coat on and sat in the living room with the dog untill my mom was ready to go. My mom did talk some and played a game of apples to apples with my girls before heading home.  So if my sister isn't around I basically have no one to talk to. My sister and I have become pretty close we text durning the week and generally spend a hour or two on the phone every week.

Life just feels really hard right now.  I can't really put my finger on anything specific but I'm feeling rather off balance. Yes I moved but I still have the same friends. I still go to the same job,church, and gym. I started dating yet again but that has resulted in nothing but some frustration. I did start boxing/kickboxing classes but that would hardly explain this growing off kilter feeling.

Anyways not sure why I'm posting this, maybe just so I can read it and figure out if I'm normal.

 

[Mrskro]

Imissdow;

 

All I can say is I understand, I think I've put my finger on my off balance feeling;  for me it's a lack of new direction, I don't like uncertainty and I feel like I'm just going through the motions without a plan.

Everything has changed and yet nothing has changed in the last two years, life marches on but to what end? 

 

I hope you find your center again.

 

Hugs

[InOverMyHead]

Oh the dreaded holidays.. for me I always feel like the 5th wheel because my parents are married and my sister is married and they all live in the same city and I'm four hours away so I come home and just feel like an outsider.  It doesn't help that my late husband's birthday is in December as well.  I just hate all the coupley things/family things when I feel like my family has been ripped apart even though it was just us and our pets.  I'm also still young enough where my newsfeed is being blown up with engagement/baby announcements. 

 

Thanksgiving through me for a loop because I have been out of it since I got back from out of town.  I think I'm going to skip Christmas with my family but I'm going to wait until the absolute last minute to tell my family so they can't come here.  I just want it to be a normal weekend for me.  Don't get me wrong, I love Christmas and I am going to decorate for it, but I love the atmosphere of it, especially the smells

[widowwithbaby]

Inovermyhead I wish I had the guts to skip family Christmas, although I feel like being home alone with a toddler might be worse. It's my first holidays and thanksgiving was awful. I applaud you doing what you need to do.

We will all survive this, right?

[Julester3]

One thing I learned from counseling is it's okay to declare what you can and cannot handle. You do not have to uphold your typical traditions after you lose a loved one unless you truly want to - you can alter anything to your wishes and it's absolutely fine! I had a hard time reconciling with that because I've always been a family-centric traditionalist trying to uphold ridiculous family expectations. I never necessarily do what I would naturally prefer to do but I have chosen to do what is expected of me.

 

This is also our first Christmas without my husband and I refuse to pander to anyone. It's more important we learn to cope and get through this, not pacify a load of relatives who are used to getting what they expect. Josh was a part of every day life for us and he's was ripped from our lives with no warning. These relatives, he'd see or interact with 2-3 times a year at best. I know they can get along with their lives just fine with him gone. I see it on Facebook everyday but we still struggle every single day. We have found changing things around and doing something else has been good for us so we decided to keep on doing things that way.

[Ursula]

Imissdow and fellow commentators, yes, the noncommnicating family... I am bracing myself to fly across the atlantic to meet up with my family who does talk a lot, mostly about things irrelevant...will meet up with friends who care too, to make it less depressing. Christmas smell, yes, love that too.