I think I'm OK with this

[calimom]

This past week, I was informed that the man responsible for my husband's death was released from prison. He was almost 9 years into a 10 year sentence for manslaughter (the maximum penalty in our state for DUI). He actually was held in jail prior to his sentencing; he was indigent and a habitual DUI offender. The Victims' Advocate who was originally on our case contacted me. While I've never been completely comfortable being a victim, that's precisely what my family was. I've attended and endured court procedures and the original sentencing, and participated in two parole hearings that were denied, ensuring his continued residency in the California prison system. Due to overcrowding and his model behavior, he is finally out in society. From what I understand, he is living in a halfway house of some sort.

 

In my family, when one person has a piece of information, it spreads to the rest like an out of control wildfire. There have been lots of phone calls and messages from well meaning relatives checking in to see how I'm doing. My aunt brought over a pan of her famous lasagna. She shows love through food. It's been years since I've had a meal delivery of any sort, and no complaints, it was a night I didn't have to cook. I had a long phone chat with my eldest daughter who lives away from home now and sat my younger kids down to discuss what happened. My son, as is his way, was quiet and took in the information, but my youngest had lots of questions. She was just a baby when her father was killed, so I had to (again) go through all the bits and pieces of this to partially satisfy her curiosity. She most wanted to know if he would be reunited with his family, and I told her what I knew, that his wife divorced him while he was in prison and moved away with their son. Two families imploded that night. That made her sad, this whole preventable tragedy had such wide reaching consequences.

 

My MIL was told by my BIL. It opened a never-to-be-closed wound for her and she's having a tough time. She'll be arriving here in a week from the east coast for her Christmas visit. There will be some processing, there is no doubt.

 

And people keep asking "how are you doing", and I tell them I'm OK. I can choose to be angry and bitter about this - and trust me I have been, I had thoughts that quite frankly frightened me - but I'm choosing peace. I honestly wish this man no ill will. When I am a very old lady I will still have sorrow and regret over the loss of my beautiful husband and father of my children, but I think I just need to be OK with this. My life is so different now, and it is good in so many ways, it's a hard won victory of sorts, and I'm not willing to go backward.

[serpico]

I'm really happy to hear this.  I would never tell someone in your shoes that you NEED to forgive, but from an outsider's perspective all I can see are positives coming from this.  Good for you!

[Adley]

Calimom, great insight, and great handling of a very tough day. Keep going!

[Wheelerswife]

It has been awhile, Calimom, but hugs to you.  I am particularly touched by your daughter's compassion for the other family.  That speaks to how you have raised her, especially considering your circumstances.

 

Peace to you and all of your family,

 

Maureen

[Guest TooSoon]

What a beautiful post.  I believe peace does lie in forgiveness.  Thank you for sharing this with us.  Sending love to you and your kids. 

[beth_krkswidow]

Ditto  ditto  ditto, to every response written.

 

Bless you. WArm hugs.