Hurts like hell

[JP]

It's been 3 weeks since I woke up next to him dead, I can still see his lifeless eyes. I tried to resuscitate him to no avail, as did the paramedics. We are still waiting for the medical examiner report (I am in Canada so everything medical is slower, public healthcare). I am 36 and he was 37, we had just started planning our lives together. I manage to somehow get through the days but every night is the same. Crying for hours and aching with miss and desperation. Nobody knows what to say to me, my mother is doing her best but all she can do is hold me while I sob uncontrollably. People have told me it 'softens over time' or 'in time you will meet someone new', those concepts are just alien to me because all I want to do is be with him. I guess you are the only ones who truly know how I am feeling. I hate life, it's so unfair. How are we supposed to go on???

I wanted to add that we had to put our dog down literally the day before this happened. Diesel had been my dog/best friend for 11 years, I have no children, he was my baby. I haven't even grieved his loss yet.

 

Jess

[Wheelerswife]

JP,

 

I am so sorry you had to join our club.  It is really quite early for you and although the pain does soften in time, that isn't anything you can wrap your head around right now.  My second husband died in his sleep, but I happened to be half a continent away visiting friends.  Had I been home, I would have had an experience more like yours.

 

I have way more experience at this than I would ever want...but honestly, right now all you can do is get through the next day or even hour.  Take deep breaths.  Sleep when you can and eat when you can and drink lots of water just to keep yourself hydrated.  If you want to do something, go ahead and do it.  If you change your mind, that's okay, too.  The next week or 2 are going to be difficult.  Leave yourself a way out wherever you are. 

 

Hang in there and keep coming here to read and vent where people understand.

 

Hugs,

 

Maureen

[Mrskro]

Jess;

 

I am so sorry you've joined our club no one wants to be in.  At 3 weeks everything is still so fresh.  Be easy on yourself.

 

Maureen covered most of the advice I'd give so well, eat when you can, sleep when you can. Drink lots of water. 

 

My story is fairly similar, my DH went into sudden cardiac arrest while showering, getting ready for work.  I performed CPR until the paramedics came too.  We later found out even if he had been in a hospital when it happened they wouldn't have been able to revive him. 

 

Unfortunately, the medical report wont be available for around 8 months.  I'm in Canada too, Toronto area, and learned that our coroners are actually volunteers and can't release the reports until everything is done.  The coroner, at least mine, did tell us the cause of death and filled out insurance and other papers for me without the final reports.  You also have to actually request the reports, they don't automatically give them to you.

 

People want to make things better for us and unfortunately sometimes say the wrong thing.  Even going into year 3, I hate hearing that I'll meet someone new.  It doesn't seem like it now, but it will soften, you will smile again, and then maybe cry because you realized you were smiling.  Be gentle with yourself.

 

Hugs

[Julester3]

We understand all your feelings and what you are going through. I'm sorry you have to join us here but glad you will have virtual support any time of the day as you need it. Hugs for you today.

[Indira]

JP,

 

I am going through something similar. My husband was also 37, its been 2 weeks for us. The difference there was that we were separated and so I was not in the house when he died. We have 2 kids, 11 and 7, they found their father Tuesday December 6th. I hurt so much for them that had to go through that, I just feel like I should have been there.

 

I cry just like you do, so I know exactly what you are going through. Cry as much as you want, people never know what to say, especially if they have not bee through something like this before. Its ok. We will make it.