To those of you having a tough holiday....

[Wheelerswife]

...keep breathing. 

 

I spent the first Christmas after my first husband died completely alone at home.  He died three months before the holidays.  My family had no idea what to do with me and his family was too distraught and depressed to celebrate anything.  I had traveled to be with my sister's family for Thanksgiving, hoping that I could at least find some distraction, but I was completely engulfed by my own grief and nobody else would even mention my husband.  I was miserable.

 

I have had good holidays since my first husband died.  My second husband, who was a widower, understood that we still carried our losses with us, but we found meaning in being together, sharing memories from our pasts, and creating new memories together.  After I lost my second husband, I again found the holidays difficult.  Somehow, my family has grown in understanding of my pain and it has been less difficult to spend holidays with them.

 

This Christmas, I chose to stay home alone.  I traveled to spend Thanksgiving with my extended family and to celebrate my father's 90th birthday.  My family is all scattered this Christmas, and I live half a continent away from them.  I will spend some time today with the family of a local friend.  Most people don't really know how alone I am, and I think I prefer to keep that from them.

 

No matter what way you spend the holidays, I hope you all can find some level of peace, whether that be in the people that surround you and try to help you cope during this emotional time, or in enjoying the smiles of children, or in just laughing a little at family stories and jokes.  It is perfectly okay to escape from the grasp of grief for even a little while.  It is bound to be an emotional roller coaster for those newly widowed, and for many of us that are further out, there may always be a wisp of sadness as we remember the past and wonder what things would have been like if we had not lived the loss of our spouses.

 

If you can't express what is on your mind to the people around you during the holidays, feel free to express your heart here.  We will listen.

 

Hugs to all,

 

Maureen

[Dannette]

 

Beautifully said, thank you for sharing.

 

I am finding comfort in knowing we can keep our lost ones memories alive while developing new relationships.it gives me some hope for a future.

 

Dannette

[sikeuritgadeun]

Thank You for this.  I am alone today.  It's been hard but I am trying my best to remember the good times with my husband and family gatherings of the past.  It will never be the same for me but I can remember the love we all had for one another.  That at least keeps me going.

[ladybug]

Thank you for sharing.......you are so right, no one really knows how alone we really are.....I hide my loneliness, because no one would really understand.

 

This is my 8TH Christmas without my sweet husband.  I have not told anyone that I still miss him so very much.  I still love him with all my heart.

 

They would just say something is wrong with me to still miss him......no one gets it unless they are a widow.

 

Thank you for sharing. 

[sikeuritgadeun]

ladybug, It's been seven years for me and I miss him so much.  I think yesterday and today have been a real low for me.  You are right, no one would understand.  This is something that will stay with me forever.  I have never felt so alone in my life.   

[mbanyard]

Thanks for this Maureen. I am also alone, and people think I am so strong that I don't bother to disillusion them about how very lonely I am.

 

This was my first Christmas without my wonderful husband. Christmas eve I sang two services at a local church and was surrounded by supportive, kind people (they were all told in advance what my situation was and they were all so very kind).

 

Yesterday was completely awful from start to finish. People don't understand, and I get that, but don't bubble on about everything wonderful you're doing on Christmas with your family and spouse. I had that done by about 16 people yesterday and it completely undid me.

 

I went to bed last night vowing that today would be a better day, a productive day, and I made it so. I am hoping that, though sheer will, I will be able to make it through the next week before starting to work again and having enough to occupy my thoughts for many of the hours of the day.

 

It's nice, well not nice exactly, to know others are feeling this way and understand though, so thank you.

 

MB