Walking away from a good thing (ie. security of career or security of a family)

[RobFTC]

TooSoon, you know I'm rooting for you.  In a way, it wasn't until Michelle and I cleaved from our friends and moved to a new place that our relationship really gelled into the great partnership-on-all-levels we were known for.  Being in new life we were building together, with only each other to lean on, was a lot of work, but for a great result.  There are other ways, but it's fun to look back on.  I hope you get your position as desired!

 

Take care,

Rob T

[canadiangirl]

Sending added support.  I read your original post and had a long response worked out but then others weighed in saying pretty much what was in my head (only articulating it way better).  Love Mizpah's snail analogy. I agree with Rob, it might be exactly what is needed. And I come from the opposite situation- my DH moved across the country to be with me but it was incredibly difficult because we were in my context, in my identity, and he never felt at ease.  Starting fresh somewhere new to both seems perfect.  I am so glad you are dealing with this (potential income disparity, loss of security etc.) with such clarity as this of course is the type of situation that can lead to resentment.  Totally agree to trust your instincts!  Not surprised at all that the search is still ongoing and is into Feb. -having once been involved in a Canadian university search committee, it took many months, like a lot of public sector hiring here!  I hope you get the job or something you can work with--and what I was going to say is that having a partner with some measure of job/income stability still can open doors so you can pursue your passions WITHOUT the fetter of being the sole provider, planning for the future notwithstanding.  I don't think that compromises one's feminist credibility or values, and in fact I long for this measure of economic security (which I do not have) to change careers (which I therefore cannot do).  Reading these boards I feel like I am not alone in experiencing loss of spouse at the same time as mid-life crisis (oh joy).  Wishing you all the very best, so glad to read these updates.  ETA -and glad you are leaving that institution that has consistently undervalued your contribution.

[trying2breathe]

Best wishes to you on getting the new position and moving forward!

[Sugarbell]

Moving to the West Coast??? Gooooooooooooooo!!!!!

 

Glad it's all coming together for you guys. I mean if you were moving someplace in Appalachia I would tell you to think long and hard about it (that's why I said it was dependent on where it was)--

 

Happy for you!!

[imissdow]

I'm excited for all of you. My dad was a college prof and I remenber his job searches and such. We moved several times. It's tough but I think it will be good for all of you! 

I sold my house almost a year ago now. It was horridly hard to leave the place I had met ,married, raised my youngest and then lost my LH.  However looking back it was also one of the best things I could have done. My memory's came with me but I no longer look around and visualize him in every room.  It took quite awhile for me to feel at home in my new place and there are still days I miss my old house. However my heart feels lighter and I've made some new friends along the way.

You ,Andy and the kids will have a great new start! Happy for everyone!

[Guest TooSoon]

Moving to the West Coast??? Gooooooooooooooo!!!!!

 

Glad it's all coming together for you guys. I mean if you were moving someplace in Appalachia I would tell you to think long and hard about it (that's why I said it was dependent on where it was)--

 

Happy for you!!

 

Who said anything about the west coast?  Lol. Let's just say, SB, we're going to be neighbors....xx