Fear is dictating my action (or inaction)

[MissingSquish]

I am grade A STUCK. Many of you know that I hate my job, and that the work there isn't sustainable for me. I have attempted to work with my manager to make changes so that I can stay, but it really isn't working out.  I was able to negotiate work from home one day every other week during my most recent performance review, but it was rescinded temporarily the past 3 weeks because of "coverage issues". 

 

A junior member on our team calls "out sick" at least once a month during extremely busy times, or when him and I are on our weekly conference call.  I have expressed to our manager how this negatively impacts my work and the team. There has been no discipline of this employee and the frequency of the absences have not changed. 

 

He details his excuses in an email to the whole team, and they are bullshit most of the time. "I dropped a couch on my toe", "My kitchen sink is leaking", "My bathtub won't drain", etc. Said team member is married, lives in a condo where there is a maintenance person on call and has no pets. Seriously, dude doesn't have to stay home an entire day to wait for a maintenance person that already has a key to his condo.

 

So when he's out, I have to come into the office. He's been doing this for the entire 2 years I've been there. It isn't changing. Ever.

 

I feel paralyzed to move forward and make a few changes on my resume and send to a contact someone gave me over a month ago. I have applied to other jobs with my older resume, and I've gotten a few bites, but nothing has panned out yet.

 

I've identified some of the things holding me back:

 

Money. I'm making relatively good money where I am currently. A new job would be unknown as far as compensation.  I'm the only one that keeps my household afloat. I don't have much as far as an emergency fund right now. I have been committing to saving as much as I can.

 

The commute. The commute that I have now is pretty good (about 30 minutes). Better paying jobs would likely increase my commute. I'm not willing to increase my commute.  I have shitty work/life balance as it is, and revel in my downtime at home.

 

Health care. This is a big one.  I have good healthcare now through my employer. I'm 6 months into weekly allergy shots with an allergist near my employer. I have at least another year to commit to weekly shots before my immunity is built up enough. I'm concerned I would not be able to continue getting these shots if I were to change jobs. They have helped my overall health SO much.

 

Help me to get out of my funk and to just do it already!

[jgib]

Sorry this is happening.  It does sound daunting.

If you need to stay, for your health, what about writing out a one year plan to get out.  This gives you time to address some of your concerns and you are not just doing a knee jerk response but you will be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel and that can often make things more bearable.

[MissingSquish]

Thanks jgib for your advice. I can't imagine staying there for another full year of my life. I fought with my manager about a year ago about this coworker's performance (as well as his absences), and I was penalized for it in my performance review last year. 

 

It was only when I started intentionally dropping the ball on my coworker's work that needed to be covered, that my coworker reluctantly started stepping up to the plate (somewhat). I also started to "play dumb" every time this coworker asked me the same question on how to do basic things over and over again, and instead directed him to our manager or our software company (that we have to pay for). I also stopped mentioning to our manager how incompetent my coworker was, and how poor of a fit he was for the job, and instead let my coworker display it with his actions.

 

Unfortunately, our manager is now circumventing the process of my coworker going to him or our software company and instead my manager is asking me if something can be corrected without the software company's involvement. I can't "play dumb" to my manager, as he knows I am the subject matter expert and would undermine my credibility with him.

 

These games are ridiculous. They are the antithesis of how I want to work and be valued. There is not enough time on this planet for me to deal with this soul crushing bullshit. I've been able to turn around two extremely dysfunctional family relationships over the past year, and it bothers me that I haven't been able to turn these work relationships around.

[RobFTC]

It's nice in a way to be stuck and not have to face change, so give yourself a break for your stuck-ness.  But you should take some steps about it.  Baby steps are fine!

 

The next time you are frustrated, use some of that energy to revise your resume.  It's not a commitment to leave, just enabling the possibility.

 

After that, apply for a job the next time you are aware of a good one.  Again, it's not a commitment to leave.

 

If you do get an interview, don't sell yourself cheap, do without good benefits, or put up with an insane commute.  You know how hard it is to find good people, and you're a good people.  But think creatively - if you could work from home more, might that balance a longer drive on your office days?

 

I have not switched jobs much, but when I have, I approach new opportunities with an attitude of, "I think I can help you, but I don't need this particular job".  (That's also been true for me, fortunately.)  If I go in curious and relaxed and don't mind walking out the door if there's a problem, I do well.

 

Take care and good luck,

Rob T

[jgib]

Rod, good advice. 

DH always used to say he was interviewing an employer as much as they were interviewing him in a a job interview.

[Trying]

I say keep looking around, send out an updated resume, and see what options are out there for you.  Put out some positive energy and affirm only the positive things you are seeking in a new job.  I think if you open yourself up to new opportunities the right job will come.  Life is too short to be putting so much time and energy into a job that is asking you miserable.  Yes, some times we have to suck it up to pay the bills but that doesn't mean you can't be looking for something better in the mean time.

 

Good luck!

[Guest TooSoon]

Hi Missing Squish,  Your post really resonates with me as I am in a similar boat.  I've posted prolifically about how much I hate my job and it just keeps getting worse.  Now that Andy is here and will not be working for some time and because we all need my (also good) healthcare coverage, I don't have a choice either. 

 

For now. 

 

And that's what I keep telling myself.  For now. 

 

Others have suggested many things I, too, would suggest.  My strategy for surviving is to think of it in blocks of time (ie. in three months I will have taken x steps) and to mentally gear up for making a change by envisioning what I want that change to look like.  Right now, I can't do anything to change the situation but over the past six months I've given it a lot of thought and have determined that it is time for me to leave the classroom and the faculty part of being in higher education.  It was hard to admit that to myself but admitting it has helped me to move to another mental place which is to consider not just what I might do next but how I want the quality of my life to improve (ie. the elusive work/life balance). 

 

One thing I do is look at jobs - almost obsessively.  I read the descriptions just to get a better sense of what is out there.  I applied for three jobs last spring, all in education but in a totally different capacity than my current position.  No bites but just doing that empowered me.  I also started talking to other people I know who "gave up" on academe.  Their hopeful stories also help me think more creatively both about what I might do and how a transition might go down (one of the hardest things for me to envision is how this change could actually take place since this is the only career path I've ever been on). 

 

I'm not sure any of this advice is useful but I hear you and can relate.  Sending you a ton of solidarity and support. 

 

PS - take a moment every now and then to remind yourself that your hard-won self-sufficiency is yours and yours alone and that is something to be very proud of.  xoxo

[MissingSquish]

Thank you all so much for your advice and sharing your experiences. I feel a lot better about approaching and overcoming the issues. You guys are amazing. Seriously. ❤️

 

Ideally, I'd love a telecommute position, with in-office time being 2 times a week MAX. I do much better when I work from home, and wouldn't mind a sucky commute if it was fixed.