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Starting to Tread the Deeper Waters ... between budding and fully committed ...


arneal
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Hi, all! I've managed to find my way home after a week and a half or so of wandering¬†ūüėā¬†BF picked me up from the airport and here we are, back in stride again, as Frankie Beverly would sing. Yesterday was his birthday and I promised to make lamb chops -- they were fabulous, if I do say so myself. I got him an interesting and creative gift, which won't arrive until August or September. He's itching to know what it is, but I'm not telling LOL.

 

On another note, I got this article from my AARP 'Girlfriends' newsletter. While most of us here are working out commitment rather than being married again, I think some of the signs on the list are familiar LOL! Hope it makes you smile like it made me smile! Have a great day everyone and I hope you and your beloveds are doing well!

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Happy 4th to all of you. Hope you will read my latest update in the general section, it's quite exciting!

The only down fall is my landlord is being awful to me, but every time I've asked to have anything fixed or done here he has cussed me out and has gone as far as to call me a fing bitch and threatened to throw me out after only being here one month!

I even said I was willing to relinquish my deposit and a months rent for breaking my lease, plus gave a 60 day notice and not the typical 30 day notice. He started cussing me out about the neighbor moving and then myself moving, but damn he's a slumloard, and if you read my update in general , no matter what, I"M GOING!

If I have to sue, then to court we go. My daughter in law will get power of attorney and do the court stuff for me. I WILL WIN :) 

Anyhow, HAVE A GREAT 4TH ******

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Life is funny, isn't it? Yesterday afternoon I get a text from landlords asst. asking if I reported him to fire marshal. and she will be meeting with the fire marshal and finding out who called.

Well first of all she can't legally go around asking people who reported anything on this slumlord and she can't be telling us tenants who we can and cannot talk to in this complex!

I found out 5 people are moving out of a complex that has 32 units, wonder why? But now I can't trust they won't come into my apartment when I'm not here.

At least I have the assistant saying these things in text, and I will use it in court if I have to, sheesh, always something isn't it?

They are crazy, kooky for cocoa puffs crazy, harassing , and stuff, not fixing stuff, letting things get run down, just awful.

No matter, I'm out of here.

Oh and sorry arneal for not saying where my update was and thanks RAM for putting it up there :) 

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Oh man, sudnly ... that is insane. I lived in an apartment with my first real college roommate; have I ever told that story? When I started dating the first husband, she got weird; it was like she was sad that I'd found someone. She moved out without even telling me. She wouldn't answer letters and even though I found her some time later on our alma mater's website, she didn't answer email. Anyway, the apartment was a nightmare. The first husband moved in after she moved out and we lived there until just after my son was born. I couldn't even think about raising him in that place. So, the tub would back up if you ran water in the kitchen; it wasn't typical, in that you'd see soapsuds like from washing the dishes. It would wash up junk from the downstairs neighbor's kitchen. Seriously. The woman downstairs cooked southern food. I didn't. There was no other explanation for collard greens to be washing up in my tub. The landlord insisted that gravity would prevent that from happening. However, where we lived was the top floor of two -- one family downstairs and us upstairs. No other explanation. Plus, I could smell everything she cooked. One of the exterior windows fell off. I heard this crash one day and when I looked, the storm window and frame was gone, laying on the ground. Ugh. I bought a house in a different state after that and had insane neighbors. The first husband couldn't get a job in that state; the people were very negative towards diverse communities, so we didn't fit in. I commuted like 50 miles one way a day. I learned to be careful what I asked for!

 

I hope you get it resolved, without too much hassle. I hope your next chapter in this journey is amazing!

 

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It's all good arneal! I've made up my mind that God is giving me a BIG message and by gosh I am listening! If it means I have to walk away from that money

to have a better, happier, more joyful life, then it's worth it!!! :) 

 

Sometimes we just have to let go and let God! And I am ready, you all hear me :D:D 

 

It's just money, and knowing in my heart that God will take care of me and truly believing this , I'm moving , and moving towards a better life....

 

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Well I go out to my vehicle this morning, and the landlord is my neighbor. I notice that someone has hit my vehicle! More than likely it was the landlord because he is the one who parks next to me! The damage is not horrible, yet I noticed it. It's right at the gas cap, and he had backed in his truck which he NEVER does! He has taken out a lamp post here in the complex and another post of some sort. The problem is I didn't see him actually do it, so I don't think I can really say anything. At least that is how it pretty much works here in the state I'm in!

I just can't wait to get the hell out of here...

 

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So I see the other guy on the other side of me last night. He lives on the very end of the building. These are single story 2 bedroom apts. He tells me someone hit his brand new car the same night (sunday night) right by his driver side mirror! Like they punched it! Oh he is moving out too!!! 

Coincidence?  I think NOT.....

I am counting the days, but I have to be honest the stress is really starting to get to me and making me sick. 

My daughter is of NO help. So I am in this all alone in this by myself but I will get through it, I am determined to make it damn it :) 

My sister and her man have their plane tickets to fly in on the 29th of aug. and we will leave from the airport to start driving north from there, stop for the night and be at their place the next evening.

She has taken a week off of work for us to spend time together, and I'm really looking forward to really reconnecting.

Thank You All for your Love, kind words, and Support! It really has always meant so much to me, and I couldn't have made it without you. xoxoxo :) 

That doesn't mean I'm leaving, lol....

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Enjoy your time with your sister, sudnly!

 

Moving so sucks. After the first husband died, I moved from PA back to NJ by myself. The only thing I hired movers for was the big stuff, like my couches and so on. The rest? What I didn't throw away I boxed and piled up in the front room. I bought a new bed and dining room set that was delivered to the new place on a Friday. I rented a U-Haul from near the new place and left my car parked there. I drove the truck to the old house, loaded it to the back step, drove to the new place and unloaded everything, returned the truck, picked up my car, went and bought a TV for my bedroom and some dinner, went back to the new place and sacked out!

 

You can do it. You don't need help. And if you do need help, you can get it. Don't let it drag you down, sis. You got this. Know we are cheering for you here and if we were all closer, we'd be right there to help!

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Solidarity, sudnly! You can do it!  We are getting our house ready to put on the market, also for a big, long distance move (emotional post about leaving this house coming soon).  We have to get rid of pretty much everything because we'll be in a city apartment instead of a suburban house.  My 12 year old really doesn't like any of this.  It is hotter than blazes here and of course our HVAC unit died on Sunday night @#$%^&*

 

But we can do it! Good luck and vent here if you need to!  

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Best to you as well, Toosoon -- totally get the long distance move thing. I still have flashbacks about driving from the east coast to California; 3,000 miles in vehicles with no air conditioning (well, the one LH drove didn't have it so in solidarity, I drove without it as well) across the Mojave ... whew!

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Best to on your move, sdnly.   The universe is telling you loudly it's time to go and you're taking that cue!  I've moved a lot, yes it's a pain but I consider it a fresh start.  So glad that you're reconnecting with your sister.  Keep us posted on your move! 

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  • 3 weeks later...

So I see the guy next to me this morning who will be moved out Monday, and step out to say bye to him and let him know I've enjoyed his conversations and will move my automobile for his moving truck. 

He then says thanks, but he doesn't want to chat with me anymore because the landlord approached him saying I went around talking to and about everyone!

HOW STUPID AND CHILDISH!

I don't know but 3 people here and don't do crap like that!

He went on to say he has been here for 13 years and wants to leave peacefully, and I said it never happened but I totally understand and wished him well.

I have a certified letter going out Monday to the owner of the complex showing the harassment, breaking of the laws, and breech of lease by his management. Demanding my prepaid rent

back when I vacate on the 28th or I will  precede with a lawsuit! I sighted several statues as well!

Sending a few pics of the place in bad condition and not ready as promised and some pics of the nasty text from his staff as well, that will show the acts of harassment and intimidation by them!

I will be so glad to get the hell out of here!

 

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Wow, sudnly. I am so sorry! And the fact that your neighbor just took this weird landlord's word against yours, knowing what he himself has experienced. Says a lot about him too in my humble opinion ... just sayin.

 

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Thanks arneal

I'm so stressed and worn out from all this crap! I have the right to leave this place, it is NOT a prison camp, or a jail! 

I don't get why this landlord/manager and his assistant won't leave me the hell alone. If he sees me going to the mail box , he comes out and starts following me down to the mail box!

It has gotten so bad that I now don't take my trash out until 2 in the morning, and check my mail then! For heavens sake that is putting me in danger!

He has another tenant, an older weird man stand across from my apartment stand and stare at my place. Now when I see him out there I open my door and start waving at him, he gets all embarrassed and starts walking away!

The police department here are not any help, so don't know what I can really do. The elderly lady across from me is trying to watch for me, but he has told her he's going to raise her rent cause he thinks he can get more rent  because of a new business that came to this area. That's illegal and there are laws and statues against that!

I'm calling a thrift store tomorrow to come and get my furniture, giving it all away, just so I can get out of here. I feel like I'm giving my life away¬†ūüė™,¬†

At least I have somewhere to store my personal belongings that I can come back and get in a year, now I just got to get the heck out of here, and get that letter sent to the owner of 

this complex!

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hey, sudnly -- how goes it? Sorry I missed your last post! I am in the process of switching email addresses and things have gotten a bit lost in the translation. Sigh.

 

Hoping you are doing okay and are closer to getting away from that apartment -- if not gone already! As if moving isn't stressful enough.

 

How is everyone else doing? It's been quiet, so I hope that means everyone is healthy and happy? 

 

Things are meandering as usual here :) I joined an encouragement group at church; our senior pastor is big on connectedness and believes it is important for people to have others to go to in times of joy and sadness. I appreciate that for sure and have both met some new women and have started cultivating deeper relationships with a few others. BF has been making connections for his new business and we've talked about getting a cat, of all things :)

 

Our next 'adventure' is switching out the bed I have for the one he had in his apartment. I go through spells (haven't ever told him this) where I'm a bit freaked out by the fact that he is now the one sleeping with me in this bed that I shared with LH ... I've had this mattress for I don't know how long and it's been uncomfortable since before LH died. I bought a topper for it several months after he died and that worked for a while, but not so much anymore. I plan to keep the box springs (it's a Cal King), pitch the mattress, and move BFs (queen) box spring and mattress in there. 

 

I laugh to myself too because he's a pretty practical person ... not too much of anything. He has I think one or two sets of sheets for it -- you know, put a set on, wash the other, then switch them when it's linen day. I think I have four or five sets for the king bed ... 

 

Always changes on this journey.

 

Well, off for a doctor's visit for me tomorrow; I'm taking the day afterward to do as little as humanly possible. LOL! Make it a good weekend, everyone!

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Hey arneal, thanks for asking :) . Busy as heck! I went to the court house and got the info on the owner of the complex, sent a letter with the statues, pictures of the place, and stating how much money I expect back on the day of the walk through or I will go forward with a law suit against all of them and win! Oh some of the pics showed snapshots of the text msgs from his staff harassing me and cussing me out! I sent it overnight with signature requested, If he is a smart man, I'm sure he will give me my money!

 

The neighbor moved, but profusely apologized to me several times before he left. He also left his place a disaster, LOL.  He lived there for 13 years, and looks like he didn't take hardly anything out of there, or hardly ever cleaned that place, and now the jerk of  a mgr./landlord is stuck having to clean it out , ha ha ha....

 

My daughter hasn't been any help, so I decided to hire help where I could afford to. and I have only pots and pans left to pack. Then on the 27th I pick up a small moving truck and movers will be here to load it and then meet me at daughters to unload it into the sheds I had put up there over a year ago. Then I load my clothes in my auto, and do a quick vacuum wipe down of the bathroom, which is cleaner then when I got it, and do the check off with the asst. mgr. Turn over keys, and hopefully get a check, and leave.

Pick up my sister next day at airport and start driving north, whoo hooooo!!!!!!

 

How's that for an update? :)

 

Glad you are doing well, and girl if that is spells you go through, then most of us are right there with you LOL... Let's gather round the cauldron, he he he..... so a kitty would be the purrfect petūüźĪ

 

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Oh arneal I almost forgot to tell you this one, LOL   Through all the crud of the going on's I still gave thanks to God for everything every single day, it's just something I've always done.

So during all of this I've been trying to sell my camper, and guess what??? I've sold it :)  The guy will be stopping by at my daughter's right after I leave with a bank check made out to me and getting it, but we have been staying in touch, and I got asking price, very happy girl, so please say a prayer that he doesn't back out at last second please, thanks.....

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Wowza -- you go, girl!!! I will not only keep the camper and that in prayer, but will also keep you in prayer. That you will be safe from further harassment and wrong-doing by these management people at the complex. They sound like real pieces of work. Sigh.

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sudnly   Countdown to the 27th ..... hope that you get your deposit back and all goes well!  Toxic place, for sure.  Best on selling the camper!

 

It has been quiet here, and I too hope that everybody is healthy and happy.  Good to get your update arneal - haha - 2 sets of sheets, so practical.  Sounds you have a meat and taters kind of guy too?  

 

NG and I bumble along - for the most part all is going okay.  He loves to come over, and take care of whatever needs to be done around the house.  Our relationship lacks the kind of emotional connection that I like, but I know that I can be extra needy in this area and I'm figuring out how to deal with this.  I'm high energy and need lots of activity - he can read and relax on the sofa for hours.  We're no closer to living together, depends on which day it is on how I feel about living with him and most days I'm content to keep things as they are.  It bothers me that after 2 -1/2+ years there is still no connection with his daughters - unrealistic expectation on my part on how this should go, I guess.  And I know that this reflects more on his relationship with them, than my attempt at connecting with them.  In the meantime, he's close with both my kids - they're accepting of him and know him well.  I can't see living together with him and having his daughters stay with us - it makes me that uncomfortable.   Things to think about moving forward.  In the meantime, our lives are busy and active - recently dusted off my bicycle and together we ride a 12 mile trail on weekends, fun.  It took a long time and feels like I leaped a hurdle getting on a bike again, as DH died of a heart attack while biking - but it feels right.  NG and I started bridge lessons and get out socially with other couples which is a good change.  And I continue trying to expand my group of girlfriends.  Connections as you mention arneal - so important.  

 

Summer is coming to a close - DD returns to school in a couple of weeks, DS comes home after a summer internship and not sure what his plans will be.  Transition ... learning to accept that it's a good thing.

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Thanks so much, Trying2!

 

Yes -- meat and taters for sure! I had to laugh at that since mashed potatoes are one of BF's all time favs! LOL!

 

I was at church yesterday and before things got started, I saw I had a voicemail from LH's daughter. I listened to it and it was just a basic message, asking me to call her back when I got a chance. After service finished, I ran my usual errands and pulled over. I called her and she said she was calling to check to see how I was and to ask about some of her dad's belongings, which I said she could absolutely have. No mention of all the stuff she'd left here, but that's another thing. Her mom works for USPS and I could hear her in the background as well. They were talking about helping, which is a new step. Interestingly, she did mention coming out this way to get her nursing licensing here. Not sure why she would do that if the idea is to ship her dad's stuff back east. I didn't even get into the whole 'sounds great, but you know you can't stay here while you do that, right?' conversation. My prayer is to have enough money to pay for a freight ship. I can then get cost on just the specific items as the items as well as cost to send all her stuff. Once I have that, my prayer is that both are reasonable so I can call her to say I'm sending it all. If I can do that, my plan is to include a note in with it to wish her the best and to say that I've moved on, so she can really get it that this isn't a place for her now that her dad's been gone three years.

 

It's very uncomfortable, generally, but I was just thinking about the whole moving on thing. I guess God was standing there, as always :) 

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