Our Dog ❤️

[Bunny]

I haven’t posted on here much lately, but our dog died this last week and I felt like writing about it. He was almost 16, and -although he wasn’t in any discernible pain- his body and mind were winding down faster and faster, so I made the decision to have him die. It’s a strange thing to have that kind of power- to be able to give him a much more peaceful pain-free death than my husband had. He slept through most of the vet visit, briefly showing displeasure when they put in the port, but mostly just napping peacefully; cradled by his mama who whispered sweet nothings into his mostly deaf ears...breathing in his smell as much as I could.

 

I have a tendency to feel guilty about anyone (animal/human) close to me dying, like it’s all or partly my fault for one reason or another. This is the first time that hasn’t happened. This is also the first time the death has not been painful and/or violent. It’s certainly made me even more favorable to assisted suicide for people who desire it due to terminal diagnoses.

 

People have asked me if it’s brought up extra grief with my husband, and it really hasn’t. If there is - as I suspect- another dimension of existence out there somewhere, (church of quantum physics and all that) then they are now together. My dog visited me in my sleep the next morning- I felt his nose on the backs of my legs going up the stairs and saw his now-spry little body dart into the bathroom. I knew he was dead, but I did not realize I was asleep, so opening my eyes was a rather painful realization.

 

For those of you who are also in the middle of trying to make this tough decision: this is your sign, make that appointment. One of the most helpful things I read on-line said to think of your animal’s 5 favorite activities. When 3 of those are gone, it’s time to give euthanasia some serious thought. My dog was down to one- he absolutely loved eating- to the very end.

 

Good-bye, my sweet puppy. You are mama’s world record for longest time spent with a pet. We were together the same length of time as my marriage: 15 years and one month.

[Bunny]

I buried him wrapped in his blanket, a stuffed animal, his collar, favorite treat, and this section from the poem ‘In Blackwater Woods’ by Mary Oliver:

 

Every year

everything

I have ever learned

 

in my lifetime

leads back to this: the fires

and the black river of loss

whose other side

 

is salvation,

whose meaning

none of us will ever know.

To live in this world

 

you must be able

to do three things:

to love what is mortal;

to hold it

 

against your bones knowing

your own life depends on it;

and, when the time comes to let it

go,

to let it go.

[Leadfeather]

That poem is beautiful and going into my list. My dog is also getting older, I remember when Christine and I first got him from the humane society, it seems like it happened just the other day.

[donswife]

Thank you so much for this post, I think it is an important one for us with our dogs

 

I do remember putting my other dog down when Don was still alive

Like you we used 5 favorite activities that became down to one ...she had stopped wagging her tail so that was the true one that convinced us

 

I still have my other dog that Don only knew for 2 years , she has become my shadow so I hope I feel the same peace on her time to go

 

Hoping your Husband and Dog are together 

[Toosoon2.0]

I'm so sorry, Bunny.  After we put our cat to rest, for months I kept expecting to see her every time I rounded a corner in the house.  A different kind of loss for sure but not an insignificant one.  Hugs to you.

[Euf]

Aww Bunny.  You break my heart with a dog. Add in some Mary Oliver, and I just keep crying.

 

(((hugs)))  Been there, done that.

 

[jeudi]

Bunny,

 

Thanks for your beautiful post. It is so important. Peace to you.

 

Judy

[candace0902]

Bunny, I am so very sorry.  I have 1 dog and 2 cats; all over 16 and on meds.  Its still so hard to let go of the four footed friends those first two years after DH.

 

I have a few indicators that tell me its almost time

 

do they keep tryiing to hide?

Are they still eeating?

Do the cats still sleep  on me during the night?

Does maggie, the dog, still go crazy with happiness when I return from work?

 

Thank you for such a beautiful poem.

 

Hugs,

candacee