Mr C Posted May 9, 2015 Share Posted May 9, 2015 I came up to bed tonight and everything was piled up on her side of the bed so that it looked almost like it would if she were under the covers. I slowly walked up to the bed, dreaming, wishing, ?If only.? My thoughts raced with the fantasy of her being under the cover. I peered and hesitated a bit with caution, knowing that I would be startled and scared if the covers did suddenly move. But why couldn?t it all have just been a bad dream that I had finally woken up from? While getting ready for bed, I continued to keep an eye on the lump. Carefully, I got in on my side and started to get under the covers. I tried to put my arm over the lump in the bed, but couldn?t. I reached my arm up a few times more and was still unwilling to extend it all the way over. I didn?t want to admit the truth. Yet how can there be any hope left? Maybe it is because this reality has been so absurd, whereas, the fantasy feels so real because she is what I remember so deeply. I plead, "Just one time, let her be there." So here I am, typing this crazy message, looking at the lump next to me and dreaming: If only...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoVerySad Posted May 9, 2015 Share Posted May 9, 2015 If only, indeed, Mr. C. Sometimes I think we just need a reprieve from the weight of this reality - a few seconds or minutes to believe and hope it could be different. Your post isn't crazy. It is painfully poignant, yet beautiful. Sending you tight, tight hugs.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
klim Posted May 9, 2015 Share Posted May 9, 2015 I don't know if I have the same fantasy but a similar "bed experience". I leave a pile of pillows on his side of the bed. Not sure but I think it helps me sleep because it doesn't seem empty. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swilson Posted May 9, 2015 Share Posted May 9, 2015 I get it Mr C, the fantasy of thinking maybe this has been a very intense game of hide & seek. You win, Ollie-Ollie oxen free! Please come out now klim, I turned the mattress wedge lengthwise on her side of the bed for the very same reason. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen Posted May 9, 2015 Share Posted May 9, 2015 I keep a big pile of pillows on the bed so that I can hug them in the night and pretend... ((((Hugs))))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
linda5 Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 I'm with Jen, keep a pile of pillows on his side and throw my legs over them. Also got a pregnancy body pillow to wrap around myself. It makes me feel like he's hugging me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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