Had my first date and now I wonder ...

[linda5]

Saturday night I had my first date!  I was excited, scared, and ready to cancel at any second.  The guy met all of my criteria:

 

  Widowed; Age Appropriate; Christian; Financially Stable; Gets Along With His Children; Attractive

 

Okay so he was perfect on paper!  This was what I was asking God to send me.  God answered my prayers!  But ... and there's always a but.  After having a 6-hour dinner date (yes; 6 hours outside on a patio at a restaurant), I'm now realizing that I've got to learn to tolerate all of his annoying habits.  I know I have them too, and DH had them.  But DH and I grew up together and learned to tolerate each other's differences.  But not that I'm in my 50's, do I want to take the time and learn to tolerate it from somebody else? 

 

I asked him what was his favorite TV show, he told me he doesn't watch TV.  So, I asked him if he liked to read.  He said no.  Then, I asked how he filled his time.  He works out every single day and then logs it in a chart.  I work out twice a week, so we're no match there.  Then he said he only eats organic and spends lots of time preparing his meals. He really watches what he eats and eats healthy all the time.  While he's saying this, I'm eating my potatoe skins with sour cream. 

 

I'm starting to wonder if being by myself is better.  I like TV, I like food, and I exercise because it's a must to look good, but it's not something I'm addicted to. 

 

How did the rest of you get past the things new person does that annoy you?

 

 

[Trying]

First of all, congratulations on seeing through your first date!  That's a huge step, I know for me after being with DH for 25 years I was a complete nervous wreck. And. 6 hours?! That's impressive.

 

I am now in a relationship with my first date but I think that's unusual.  This guy may not be the one who you have to get used to or he may be.  For me, the butterflies and the excitement and the immediate infatuation with new guy made me want to get to know everything about him.  As time has gone on his annoying quirks have surfaced as have mine to him.  It's not always easy and sometimes I wonder if I really want to live with some of our differences and sometimes I wonder how of earth he could want to live with all that comes along with me.

 

I think it's harder at 46 than it was in my 20's to be flexible because I'm more set in my ways but I am also so much appreciate of love and don't want to take it for granted after suffering such a heartbreaking loss.

 

Good luck as you navigate these new waters, try to just have fun for now.

 

 

[Mizpah]

I'm now realizing that I've got to learn to tolerate all of his annoying habits.

 

I'm starting to wonder if being by myself is better.

 

You don't have to.  It's only a first date.  Someone who is perfect on paper doesn't necessarily fit perfectly into your life and into the space next to you for partnership. 

 

My DH and I loved the things were annoying about each other.  My new guy and I didn't feel the same way at first but we share a child and so we have tried to be patient and time has brought us to a good place (sometimes/usually).  What's that quote about how if you like someone, everything they do is great, but if you don't like someone, everything they do is super annoying?  I'm not saying that's the case.  This could just be an adjustment to dating and to this new person, but it could also be that you met this person and he's not "the one" or "one of the ones" for you.

[CBB]

First of all, Congrats on the 6 hour date! That took courage to get out the door. I would be petrified. Just remember, its just a first date..No commitments, no worries yet. You have plenty of time to see if this is a viable relationship..I think you will know over time what is a keeper and what is a deal breaker for yourself. Baby steps, you got this! And always just be yourself..Your wonderful.

 

Big hugs, Cyndi

[anniegirl]

It's a first date. No obligation beyond that.

 

Did you have fun at all? 6 hours is a long time to spend w/someone you don't think you can tolerate after all.

 

Maybe you can learn to "tolerate" someone and maybe you will just enjoy dates or short/medium/longer term serial companions. Or maybe you will decide not to bother at all. There's no rush.

 

I knew right away with my second husband but I was decidedly luke-warmish on my late husband for months. Dated him on and off and really didn't see a future for us until suddenly I did. So, you never know.

 

The most important thing is that you are good with whatever you decide and that you leave room for yourself to do what works for you.

 

Don't put pressure on yourself needlessly. This is a new stage of your life and you should absolutely do what works for you now.

[Guest nonesuch]

I'm starting to wonder if being by myself is better.  I like TV, I like food, and I exercise because it's a must to look good, but it's not something I'm addicted to. 

 

How did the rest of you get past the things new person does that annoy you?

 

It's one date.  You don't have to marry the next man who asks you.

 

I would not be going on a second date with a man who worked out every day and logged it on a chart  My value system does not include eating only organic foods.  if that is part of HIS value system, maybe you two are not a match.  Congratulations for getting out there.  Just have fun, for a while at least.