Planning the first vacation

[robunknown]

 

About a year and a half before she passed my DW and I took our son down to Disney. We had gone there before for our honeymoon. Because of her cancer we had a pretty good idea it was probably the first and last time she would be able to take our son.

 

In a couple of months my parents and sister are going with us, and I felt pretty good about it at first. Now I am doing the usual trip planning, and now I am having very vivid memories, ones where I could almost swear I am there now.

 

The trip isn't for another 2 months but I am getting anxious about it.

 

I am someone who doesn't show their emotions in public and I am starting to worry about having breakdowns when the memories and the locations intersect. I'm also worried about "zoning out" too much, where I stare at something and I get tunnel vision while being brought back into the past.

 

I just wanted to post something.

[Guest TooSoon]

Hi Rob, In 2010, just a few short months before brain cancer became our 4th family member, Scott, M and I spent 5 weeks in Rome together.  I was there for work but still had a lot of free time and the three of us had The Most Magical time there.  Often, after the diagnosis, i would count my lucky stars that we decided to do it and really do it up that summer.  Anyway, my research project is based in Rome.  I had it on hold, obviously, for the two years he was sick and then the first summer after he died.  Last year we went back.  I was terrified that it might bring to the surface all manner of emotional stuff (I'm also not great in the land of emotions) but I am happy to say that it did not.  On the contrary, I remember a moment when I thought, "We are here.  We made it.  We are going to be ok."  Against all of my fears, it felt like a homecoming.  Like we had come full circle.  It surprised me, to be honest.  I get exactly what you are saying and I will be hoping for the very best.  Big hug! 

[robunknown]

Thanks TooSoon, that is comforting. I'll keep telling myself, "you just need to get there".

[rifatheroffour]

Rob,

 

Slightly different circumstances...my Wife and I went to St. John, USVI as a get away 5 times over the years, one of our favorite places in the world.  On our last trip we decided next time we would take the kids, 10 months later she died.  On a whim two months after she died I decided to take the kids there myself.  Bittersweet...the kids really enjoyed themselves. I enjoyed watching them and showing them all the places we wanted to show them together.  I kept it together most of the time, and when I didn't too bad, no one there knows me at home anyway.  I'm glad I did it as I am not sure I will ever get back there again.

[Trying]

My family has vacationed at the same place every summer since I was 3 and with my DH for 25 years.  Last summer I was very worried about returning without him as I was 5 years earlier the first time we went without my Dad.  The anticipation was definitely the worst part and while there were a few emotional moments it was also good to have those happy memories.  Being there forced me to think about the good times that I often avoided in that first year because of the pain.

 

I say give yourself permission to express whatever you are feeling because it comes out one way or another.  Share memories with your son, if you have photos from that trip look at them and talk about her favorite rides or experiences.  I really hope it all goes well for you.

[HvnBound]

I can relate to this....I drove to Florida in December 2012 after meeting two widowers from the chat room in Arkansas, then drove to my Dad's in Florida. I think what worked in my favor was the simple fact that the discussion on what I should do for Christmas was discussed in chat and I agreed to meet them, took a shower, packed and off in my minivan I went Back then I did a lot of traveling on a whim, so glad I did.

 

DH and I always drove together to Florida before, this was my first time alone. I have to tell you that when I saw the Welcome to Florida sign, I felt so amazingly proud of myself!!! I did it alone. I admit, I cried sometimes on that trip with memories, but I would not change that for the world.

 

Good luck to you and you can do it, it will hopefully make you feel proud of yourself because it really is a step forward. Don't worry about the tears, everyone should understand. Hugs to you!

[sdarrah1130]

My E and I are campers. I have planned a trip with our camping friends the first weekend in June at our favorite campground. 

 

I fee the same nervousness and anxiety to go to the place where we would sneak off to "get away from the world"

 

Good Luck!