I still have flashes of anger towards DH

[bumbleb]

It'll be 6 years this fall and I still have these deep flashes of anger towards him and his mistress. They usually show up together in a dream-all happy and shit. I've had two in the past few weeks, and I'm trying to let roll thru. Accept the feeling, process, let it go, all that lovely therapy stuff. I walked/ran two miles this a.m. to help.

I'm just trying to cope these days and except for the glass of wine (or three on Fridays ;D), I'm absolutely boring. My daily life is so busy and hectic, that I forget most of the time I'm a widow. I have gotten far more successful at segregating my private life, I can do the daily b.s., but I don't let people delve deep. I don't like talking about it or him outside my inner circle.  I talked about his suicide for 18 months worth of therapy- its tiring now. I have actually said that to a few folks when they start asking too many questions.

A Spring classmate asked me how my husband died, I said Crohn's instead of suicide. She is a delicate, sweet thing, and I think she would've fainted. Plus Crohn's did ultimately lead to his death, the diagnosis began his serious descent into severe depression.

It's irritating how much energy his death has required of me these past few years. To process it enough so I can be somewhat adjusted and functioning as an average human being.

 

[CJF]

I can relate to so much of what you wrote.  I still have anger but it has diminished somewhat over the years.  You are definitely not alone in feeling the way you do.

[AndysWife]

I hear you. I still feel anger also.

[Bluebird]

I get it. I don't feel anger, but every now and then I find myself reflecting on what it took to get through some of the terrible things that happened when my DH was alive, and also what it took to get through the early months and years of his loss. I hope that posting here and knowing that your feelings are understood and heard helps.

 

Take care, Bluebird

[Sugarbell]

I regularly do not feel anger....actually the opposite...However...when I am stuck with the inlaws...I do still get mad. (I have had them all day at the baseball field)

 

And I get mad...That I am stuck with them forever...alone navigating them..(DH was the buffer)... and I see them pulling the same bullshit with my kids that they did with there own son 30 years ago.

 

No end in sight... Unless I move far away or they die.