rifatheroffour Posted May 21, 2015 Share Posted May 21, 2015 ...go to work today, but I must. I am just in a don't really care about much place this morning. Not sad or mad, just don't care. Consequences seem meaningless after what I have lost and that scares me. It is not the person I was. I want to care but everything seems so out of my control and I am not used to that. Ugh...I need to go shower and get to work... just needed someone to listen, thanks... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
keeptrying Posted May 21, 2015 Share Posted May 21, 2015 It seems as though I have a loss of "life". I wonder if sometimes I don't even realize it. Nothing seems to matter much at all. Just mindlessly going day to day. I used to talk, all the time, happily, excitedly, always positive. Anyone gave me something negative, I would come back with 2 positives and tell them all the good things to cheer them up. - I meant everything I would say to people. - Now, I don't talk, don't know what to say, don't care to talk. If I do have to, I don't care and if it is positive that comes out of my mouth, it is not because I feel it or mean it, I do it out of "that is what is expected of me" so I have to. I have to put that "front" on so people think I am okay. On the inside I don't care. I used to talk to strangers in the grocery store or people who didn't look like they were having a good day. I would smile at babies and talk to their parents. - I don't now, and I don't care. I used to notice things and be happy for every small thing. It doesn't matter anymore. I used to be happy and want to share the happiness, make others happy. How can I care about them, when I don't even care about myself. I don't want to be this person or feel this way. I don't know who I am anymore. I don't like the person I have become. I am dead inside. I exist every day. I daydream about not existing and it is such a peaceful thought. - On the other hand, which is odd you can have just two completely strong opposite feelings... I am SO thankful and happy that I have my children. I am SO very much in love, and I want to stay alive to make sure they are taken care of and loved. I don't want to... Wow, I bet if there was a I don't want to threat.. the top one would be wake up in the morning.. - Even taking a shower seems to be a HUGE task. Not wanting to go to work is understandable, but it may be good for you to get out, be around other people. You are forced to keep a bit occupied and keep your mind on other things. Maybe that is a good thing... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trying Posted May 21, 2015 Share Posted May 21, 2015 I totally get the "I don't want to" I've been stuck there for a while. I currently have a new project to focus on so I am seeing glimpses of the old me. Not sure how long this motivation will last but it took a major event to get me going, regular old daily life was just not cutting it. Maybe it's time to plan a day off to do something out of the ordinary? Shake things up a little? Or my old standby, call in sick and take a nap. Hope your day brightens up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Baylee627 Posted May 21, 2015 Share Posted May 21, 2015 Consequences seem meaningless after what I have lost and that scares me. Can fully identify with this. Every morning is just a regurgitation of the morning before it. I've no real impetus to accomplish much. Just steeped in apathy. This is such a departure from the old me; I was formerly a high achiever and pursuer of excellence at work. And now? Meh. Baylee Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swilson Posted May 21, 2015 Share Posted May 21, 2015 Don't feel alone, the incentive some days is almost gone. Not nearly as inspired as before, basically just in a mode where responsibilities are covered and duties get checked off with no real passion behind minimal effort. I don't like this despondency and moodiness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest IronBear Posted May 21, 2015 Share Posted May 21, 2015 . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
singinmomo4 Posted May 22, 2015 Share Posted May 22, 2015 I've been really able to identify with this lately. I love my job, I really do, but it's really been a chore lately. It's partly because I'm drained by dealing with an ankle wound that's taking an extreme amount of time to heal, it hurts and I'm on my feet all day and partly just from the drudgery of day to day life. Add to that, everything is falling way behind at home because of 1. Work 2. Ankle that causes me to have to collapse onto sofa with feet up when I get home and 3. Broken tractor with 1/2 mowed yard outside turning into a jungle while I wait for the tractor to get back. Yeah, I get it. Kudos to all of us who pull up our big girl and boy pants every day and head into work, even when we don't want to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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