singinmomo4

So what town are we specifically talking about so I can look into costs to get there?

I am seriously considering this.

Well dang, just saw this. Hope you had a good time. Maybe next time!

Always!

Good luck with that Sugarbell! No real advice because I've never dealt with that but I hope it all works out. I'm guessing that knowing her isn't a good thing. Just let him deal with her, you stay out of it. Again, good luck!

I will be there!

I most certainly can relate. I am a widowed mom to 4 boys who were 5, 7, 15 & 18 when their father died 7 years ago. I have not remarried. I've dated off and on a fellow widower but as much as I wanted it to somehow, some way work, it didn't. Long story short, my boys have gone 7 years without a father figure in their lives. Making matters worse, my oldest son, a 25 year old with a good heart has been in and out of trouble because he tends to make foolish choices. My now 22 year old on the other hand has done very well and should graduate from college next year. So oldest son has not been there for his younger brothers but 22 year old son, when he isn't at college, has. Neither though has really done the things with their younger brothers that their father did with them. It hurts how much my two younger sons, now 12 & 14, have missed not having their dad or a father figure in their life. But somehow we are making it, day by day. They do need their dad. I wish there were someone in their lives to give them the experiences that Rick would have, but there isn't. I don't guess I'm sounding very up beat am I? The previous poster is right though, jumping into a relationship in order to provide a father figure can really not work out well. I've know other widows who have done very well getting their sons involved in scouts and sports. I haven't for a variety of reasons I won't take the time to go into. It just didn't work out for us. I have found all the people who said they would be there to step in and be that male figure usually aren't. However, there are a lot of women out there raising sons just fine on their own and you can too. You have more strength and abilities than you know. Right now you are in shock but eventually you will find your way. Have faith in yourself. You will do just fine.

There is a fairly large group of us in the NY, NJ, PA, MD area that get together from time to time. We will be sure to post here the next time we get together. We often get together for a Sunday Brunch in NJ, near NY. I'll put out some feelers and see if we can get something together.

I want it all too. Seven years and I don't see it happening anytime soon. Someone else and I tried and it didn't work out. I've learned from it though that I don't want FWB and I don't want part time so I'm willing to wait for the real thing. I guess it will happen if it's supposed to and if not, I'm fine with that too. I'm not willing to settle. My heart has a lot of love to give and waiting for someone willing to give as much as I am is worth the wait. It will be awesome when it happens. Tybec, it sounds like he is on the same wave length, since he talks about a future. I would let it go a bit longer but maybe just talk with him about what kind of future he sees, just in the normal course of talking. If he is looking for a future with you, I wouldn't rush it. Both of you need to be on the same page with neither trying to push the other into something faster than they are ready. Good luck Tybec!

I didn't read all the replies but when your oldest graduates high school or turns 18, whichever comes later, his will stop and the other two will increase. There is a family maximum. This is from the SS website about how it is calculated. Within a family, a child can receive up to half of the parent’s full retirement or disability benefit. If a child receives survivors benefits, they can get up to 75 percent of the deceased parent’s basic Social Security benefit. There is a limit, however, to the amount of money that we can pay to a family. The family maximum payment is determined as part of every Social Security benefit computation. It can be from 150 to 180 percent of the parent’s full benefit amount. If the total amount payable to all family members exceeds this limit, we reduce each person’s benefit proportionately (except the parent’s) until the total equals the maximum allowable amount.

I'm sorry for the loss of your relationship Mikeeh. Loss is always hard. Go ahead, cry and mourn this loss and just like any other, you will find your way back from it. ((((hugs))))

Absolutely!

Just seeing this and interested.

I've never had them audit me. I hope I never do. I wonder if income plays a role in who gets audited?

Bluebell thank you for your response. It brought tears.

TooSoon, thanks for the offer, but I have to go through whoever is in the program's system and Philadelphia would be too far anyway. The place they recommended looks like it has a lot of people to choose from so if one isn't a good fit hopefully another will be. I'm just so damn tired. My life has had more turmoil and upheaval in the past 6 years than it did in the 20 years prior with Rick, not to mention any turmoil was so much easier to deal with having him to go through it with me. This morning as I was talking to the person on hotline I couldn't stop crying and throughout today I've been crying off and on. The Xanax just isn't working like it normally does. I will probably take another one before bed, maybe it will help me sleep. I just feel like something has finally snapped. Adding to it all, I work 5 days this week and 5 days next week, oh wait, I do have Friday off the week after next because they have me scheduled to come in for a meeting on Saturday. Anyway, we are understaffed right now and I'm sure I won't be getting many days off (other than the weekends which I always have off) for a while. Working all these hours/days, the stress of everything going on in my life and the stress of everything that I'm getting behind on is just too much, and now I have to try to fit time in to go to a psychiatrist. Luckily Mike (my 21 year old) has said he will come home if I can get an evening appointment to watch his brothers. You want to hear something funny? Mike is studying Psychology. HA! Maybe I should talk to him and I can be a case study for him for school. LOL!

Since my husband's death 6 years ago, I've been all alone trying to deal with my oldest son's issues with addiction and immersion in drug culture. Truth be told, Joe was messing around with drugs and alcohol before then but I think it got much worse after his father's death. My husband died November 2009. Since then he's been in and out of trouble with the law, spent time in jail (is in jail now), I suspect has stolen money from his brother and I as well as stolen things from others in the past (again suspect). His addictions and associations with others of addiction have brought heartache, stress, financial problems as well as fears for the safety of my family. A year or so ago one person showed up at our door in a rage, trying to push in our door and scaring my younger children. Just a couple weeks ago, while away on vacation our home was broken into and the only things that couldn't be replaced, my wedding rings and a necklace Rick brought back from Egypt for me when we were first dating, were taken. Now, I find a flip phone under a sofa that belonged to my son. I charge it and read texts and see that he has obviously been selling drugs. This news, although not surprising, has put me over the edge emotionally. The past 6 years have been a roller coaster for many reasons, the death of my husband, mil, fil, bil and brother, fights with the public schools over my autistic son, dealing with issues with my family in Arkansas, honestly, it just seems like my life is a never ending cluster fuck. Yes there has been good mixed in with the chaos but not having Rick to help weather the storms is really taking it's toll. I made a call this morning to the EAP (Employee Assistance Plan) at work. I can get 6 counseling sessions, per issue, per year. I've never had counseling for myself, only for my younger two children (and honestly, it didn't seem to help much) but I'm hoping for some help coping. I just don't know how much more I can take. I'm caught between wanting to somehow help my son, whom I love and set him loose on his own. As a mother, how do you do that anyway? And without Rick here it's so much harder. My in-laws struggled with issues with their oldest son, my husband's brother, as well, all their lives, but at least they had each other through it all. I have no one. Even writing about it here, I can't contain the tears, even though I took a Xanax this morning, which usually helps with my weepy spells when I have them. Thanks for listening.

I think the travel mug is an excellent idea.

My frustration (and why I never seem to stay online for very long) are the number of scammers or non "talkers" I get. I can't stand when I get messages like the ones I got just this morning. One guy with no picture and very little in his profile messages me to say "Hi". Yes, that's it, just "Hi". Then an hour later he sends me another message that says "Good Morning". Then there is another one who says "Hello, how ru". Really? I don't need a novel or anything but something that would require more of a response than "I'm well thank you" or "Good Morning" back. And it seems to be all I ever get. I'd like to know the person has a pulse and isn't just a scammer sending feelers out to get a response.

Completely agree with Mike on this one. On another note, I think if I ever need someone to defend my honor, I'm calling Mike.

I actually had a plumber in for the first leak, next to the water meter. He couldn't find anything, it had stopped by the time he was there. Both pipes are fully visible and not behind any walls, so there is not any possible hidden water damage. The powder room sink it's just the pipe right under the drain. I'm sure it's a fairly easy fix, it's just I have so many things going on I haven't had the time to deal with it.

I might can.

Anyone else have things mysteriously fix themselves and wonder if it is their dear departed spouse doing the fixing? Rick seems to like fixing the plumbing around here (no gutter thoughts now ). There is a pipe in the basement that was leaking that mysteriously fixed itself shortly after Rick died. At one point, several years later, it started leaking again and then stopped. Another pipe, under the powder room sink, has been leaking for several years. I just keep a Tupperware container under there to catch the water and dump it regularly. That leak is suddenly gone. Then tonight I go up to the boys bathroom to clean a drain that has been clogged for a long time and it isn't clogged anymore. I texted Mike at college and he says he didn't clean it. It makes me smile to think it's Rick fixing it all. Now if only he could find a way to take care of the yard work and painting that needs done. Anyone else have any mysterious fix ups?

((((((TOOSOON))))))) I completely understand being completely overwhelmed. That's me on a regular basis as well. I'm not stressing over a promotion but I've got the disaster house, and less than ideal mother role checked off on my list plus other stresses. Try not to stress over the promotion and the need to be perfect as hard as I know that is. Ask your doctor to prescribe something for anxiety. In my case, a low dose of Xanax, taken when I need it, has done wonders to take the edge off and help me keep it together. Lastly, we are here to vent to whenever you need.

((((((SB)))))))) You put it all into words so well. ((((((MORE HUGS))))))