Baby girl's high school graduation

[Carey]

Tonight my only girl graduates from high school. And she and I both are a puddled mess. She posted a long , very sad status on facebook last night about graduating without her daddy and ever since I read it my heart has been so heavy.  On top of him not being here, our finances have been particularly bad and I just have not been able to do for her like I did for her older brother, or like the other kids her in her class are receiving. I have nothing to give her today, not even a special dinner. The best I can do is we have a cookout planned at a friends this weekend and next week after SS comes I am taking her on a beach trip. And she is fine with that, or so she keeps telling me.  But I still feel so many things today. I feel like I've failed her. I feel like I've failed him. And at the same time I am FURIOUS with him for doing this to us. She doesn't deserve to live her life this way. She deserves a mama who would have made her a scrapbook, who would have her camera set up (not in the pawn shop) to take hundreds of pictures. She would have had a party.  She would have had new outfits, a year book, a class ring.  She deserves a mama who is not broken and shattered and non-functional. I dread tonight. And she does too. And that is so wrong damn. it. all. to. ever. loving. hell.

[widowat33]

Oh Carey.

I don't know what to say.

We all deserve better than what this life has handed us.

What a mature daughter you must have who is so understanding. That is something you've taught her or modelled for her so maybe you are doing a good job despite how crappy it feels. I know so many teenagers who would pitch a fit about not having all that stuff, so the fact that she is reassuring you that it's ok, speaks volumes.

I know how much it hurts to see your children going without things that other kids have, at one time we could barely afford to make all of our monthly bill payments. But you know what my kids learnt from that? That needs (food,etc..) get covered before wants (toys,etc..). Even logically knowing this it's still hard, we want to give our kids everything we can.

She may not have her father there with her, or the class ring, or scrapbook full of pictures but she will have her mom who is proud of her, loves her and provides her with all that she needs!

Sending you huge hugs, and hoping that this bittersweet moment goes better than expected!

[Carey]

Thank GOD  John went with me ... I just sat there and cried. It was a beautiful ceremony, she was beautiful and happy.  Thanks to the generosity and kindness of a friend, I was able to give her flowers, which her daddy always used to do, and would have done last night. Little pink roses and white daisies.  She and I both cried a lot but we had that moment, where teenage hard headedness and maternal despair faded and we just stood there and hugged for the longest time.  And then ... we get home and her boyfriend of almost 2 years breaks up with her.  Who DOES THAT on graduation night? Id so love to wring his neck!!  But tonight we're going to walmart and gonna get her either a swimsuit or a shorts outfit and we're getting together with friends for a cookout tomorrow with a bonfire in their back yard.  I'm so very thankful for friends, old and new ... who helped pull me through this week even if it was by my eye teeth.  If you had asked me yesterday if I could salvage graduation weekend I would have said no way in hell.  Compassion still exists, even if it's not in my family or the other people I would have expected it to come from.

[Trying]

I'm so glad you were both able to make the most of her graduation. We have to hold onto the small moments and kindness around us and find gratitude wherever we can. You have a great spirit despite the tremendous struggles you have faced.

[Gabzmom]

Sending love your way.  So glad you were able to share her special moment with her.  That's really all that matters is that you are both together during this milestone.  Peace to you.