Silwe Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 I have noticed that I feel very reluctant to tell new acquaintances that I have been widowed, although I feel that it is a big part of who I am. Some time ago (a few months I think), I realised that I have met many many new people in the last two years, some of whom I have become quite close with, but of whom only a handful knows about my DF. At the same time I feel tempted to shock people with this macabre bit of information, and sometimes end up doing so (especially after a drink or two, like a few days ago).. Do others feel like this, or am I weird? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
donswife Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 Not weird at all , I never know if I should just blurt it out or just not say anything sometimes I just want to be a regular person and not a widow if that makes sense People's reactions to saying the widow word are so hard to Judge sometimes just shocks them into silence or the worst is the pity look but I feel if I dont say anything its like I am lying , so like you not sure what to say or do Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Needytoo Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 I too don't think it is weird at all. In the beginning I hated the word widow and I was afraid to announce it to the world. I was scared of being taken advantage off and that look from people that made me feel I am being judged. Widow means so much more now to me. It means the courage to go on and so many other things. But oddly I find less and less the topic comes up but if it does people I am meeting are reactivating differently when they know I don't feel that I am kind of freak. Hard thing to describe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swilson Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 In 8 months, I haven't had many situations where marital status comes up. If it's for business or anyone that really doesn't need to know then I'm single. Not ashamed of being a widower just don't feel the need to share it with everyone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Virgo Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 It really hasn't been an issue for me other than filling out forms. I guess it would depend on the situation, but like you I don't feel that everyone I meet needs to know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 I don't meet many people or have situations where it comes up, to be honest. Everyone who knows me is well aware of what happened. I did recently have occasion to decide whether or not to say anything-- I was in a play, and no one in the cast knew me or my story. No one ever asked about my marital status (no "Is your husband coming to see this?"), so I never said anything. I have to admit, it was kind of a relief not to have it hanging over me. For a little while I could forget the Scarlet W... it was nice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr C Posted May 25, 2015 Share Posted May 25, 2015 It is important to go with what you are comfortable with. I think I am a bit rare in being very open and probably overly sharing with my widowed status. The one time that I consciously held back on the status was when I picked up a couple new clients at the end of last year. That was just awkward for me and I never had a good rapport with one of the clients. It was a huge relief for me when I told the other client I was widowed. It is just such a huge part of who I am right now that I almost need people to know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alexswife Posted May 27, 2015 Share Posted May 27, 2015 I started a new job in January 2014, 18 months after Alex died. I immediately told my coteacher about Alex but it took me several months to tell anyone else. I didn't want them to treat me differently than they did everyone else. However, after I told them I felt liberated to talk about him whenever I wanted to. When the time is right, you will be able to tell people. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mo12 Posted May 30, 2015 Share Posted May 30, 2015 Silwe, I feel the same. Not uncommonly other moms assume I have a partner, and I find myself saying "It's just me and (DD)" ... so of course they then assume I'm separated but the conversation usually doesn't go further than that. I hate for them to assume that he left us, but I just don't want to go there. Once, one asked if I "get any help from her dad" and I blurted out "no, he died." That was the end of that conversation! The other day someone asked what my husband does for work and I told them... not mentioning he hasn't worked in over a year cause he's DEAD! And yes, the macabre comes out a bit after some wine! I went to my counsellor the other day for the first time in months and mention this to her (the not being forthcoming about being a widow), she said it's all part of the adjustment/ "acceptance" process... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twistedmensa Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 I just avoid leaving the house...problem solved...sigh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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