Falling for his friend?

[CMB]

I know this happens a lot to wids, so I'm curious: who's had experience falling for a friend of your DH/DW/DP? Did you act on it? how did you tell them?

 

My situation, in brief: we're two years out, longtime friends (and both close to B), brought closer by B's death. I've been attracted to this guy for a long time but only recently LET myself be attracted to him. He is kind and funny and brilliant.

 

In the early days I was revolted by the very idea of this happening (with anyone, much less a friend of B's)... yet here we are!

[BrokenHeart2]

Is he single and available?  Trust your gut and tread slowly. You say "we're 2 yrs out' is he widowed too? I get what you're saying about in the early days being revolted. A man winked at me at a store, early out, I wanted to crawl out of my skin. It was so bizarre. Never felt that way in my life. What a crazy journey. 

[Sugarbell]

I had a secret crush on DHs best friend early on. Actually I still find him quite interesting but would never act on it. (he's 41 never married..doesn't want kids...yeah we r attracted to each other but it would've been a mess)

 

He's now an extension of DH to me and the kids. I am friends with his Mom (she's a widow lives at the beach and teaches yoga)..We go see her when we are down there. But dating this dude wills would've never worked.

 

But we are still buds...He does a lot of suicide prevention work and raises money/walks on our team every year for OODW.

 

If you are both single-Why not?

[Lisa]

I feel  a strong emotional attachment to anyone who was close to him but it was never romantic. It is ok to have feelings.  Just keep your head. You don't mention if he has shown attraction.

[widowat33]

My dh's closest friend was a superstar after he passed away. He spent practically the first week here at the house just helping out, listening and sharing stories. He was one of the few who didn't fade away as time passed. We would go out at least once a week for lunch, he would spend time with the boys and paid for and built them both tree houses. He started a new job a while ago and we don't see him as much because he has to work away for long periods of time, but when he's home we try to get together for supper or a visit.

He is kind, caring, generous and awesome with the boys.

And I'm sure his wife and kids think so too,lol! I'm so grateful for him, but also for her because she's understanding and not at all jealous of the time we spend together.

If he were single I could see maybe being attracted to him, but I respect them both way too much to even let my mind wander in that direction. For me though it would be wierd because the three of us hung out so much before, my dh him and I, that he's more like family to me than anything. I do see how someone who shares such a close history with your spouse could definitely become someone you might fall for.

I say if he's single, ahy not tell him. I would only hesitate if you don't think he feels the same way that may ruin the friendship/relationship you have.

Good luck!

[CMB]

Thanks for your replies!  I'm probably over-thinking this... it's just such a strange turn of events/emotions. Hugs to all!

[ieh21]

I had a crush on a guy we were both friends with. His wife had struggled in the past with cancer (she's fine and been fine for years now), and I let my mind wander off to scenarios where we were both grieving and merging our families. That's when I knew I had to stop, because it was awful to daydream about someone else's misery.