Trying Posted June 4, 2015 Share Posted June 4, 2015 I don't know what is wrong with my emotions lately. Certain things like movies or TV shows,reading stories here or elsewhere about a fellow wid can bring me to instant tears and I can't stop thinking about it. While other things that happen to people in my real life seem to have little effect on me. Yesterday New Guy was telling me how upset his 5 year old was about his chicken that died, he was heartbroken for his little boy and struggling to find the words to comfort him. I tried to,listen sympathetically and offer support but all I kept thinking about was the day I had to tell my boys their father had cancer. One of my closest friends found out yesterday she has a mass on her ovary, they are hoping it's a cyst but she has to wait a week for surgery. Again, tried to say all of the right things but I felt like I couldn't invest emotionally until I know if there's something to actually worry about. It's like I turn off my emotions and feel nothing. I have never been like that and it makes me feel so cold and heartless. Unless someone is going through something equal or worse than what I've gone through I just can't seem to sympathize. Has anyone felt this way and does it go away? I want to be normal again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sugarbell Posted June 4, 2015 Share Posted June 4, 2015 In a nutshell yes. You filter out dumb stuff-because your head and heart have faced the worst. It does get better with time. I am much more sympathetic now as opposed to my early years. (((hugs))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SimiRed Posted June 4, 2015 Share Posted June 4, 2015 Exactly, Well said, and I think... absolutely normal. I have no sympathy either, empathy...always, but sympathy? Nah, you don't know real pain. Like you said, Tell a 7 year old, "I need you to tell Daddy good-bye, because he is going to die"... Not only ONCE, but three, four, five times... cause doctors kept telling me, "He'll probably pass today, so you should have your son say Good-bye." He held on for 5 weeks after that, in our home...He was stronger than you thought... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rifatheroffour Posted June 4, 2015 Share Posted June 4, 2015 I feel exactly the same way... anything related to losing a spouse or the things a widow/er deals with or kids losing a parent and I am emotionally there... everything else seems petty and I just can't get worked up. Glad to hear that it may get better in time. I really do feel bad that I can't empathize very well with most things anymore. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carey Posted June 4, 2015 Share Posted June 4, 2015 Because we have faced the devils worst ... death trumps it all. It's that thing you go through your life thinking happens to others, never us. Once that happens, ANYTHING horrible can and probably WILL happen. It's enormous. And some parts of us deal with it every single day. Some energy somewhere is devoted to loss every day even if it's a passing memory. So, sadly we look at most everything else as trivial. We hold everything up against the litmus test of the death of our whole world and nothing meets that scale. Yea you try to empathize but in your head you're thinking "ive been through worse quit your sniveling". And then you feel like a terrible person for feeling that way. I do hope it gets better in time because it makes me feel like a bad person sometimes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trying Posted June 4, 2015 Author Share Posted June 4, 2015 It's good to hear I'm not alone and that it should get better. There are some changes in me that I think are good but this one makes me feel like something is broken in me. I have always been very "other focused" and this self absorption is so uncomfortable at times. I also don't watch as much news or read the paper any more and I feel like my world is getting so much smaller. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsT85 Posted June 4, 2015 Share Posted June 4, 2015 I also don't watch as much news or read the paper any more and I feel like my world is getting so much smaller. I've been struggling with this too, in addition to the loss of sympathy that you and others describe. I feel like overall, I'm just far less invested in the world. I care a lot less about most of the things that used to take up most of my mental energy. Even good things - things that I used to get really excited about - hit me a far more subdued, almost numbed-out way. Fiance and I were talking about the new Star Wars movie about a week ago, and my automatic answer to one of his questions has been haunting me ever since. He asked if I was excited about it, and my answer (which was far more honest then I intended to be, at least when speaking out-loud) was, "Oh, you know how dead inside I am. I don't get excited about anything." I immediately tried to laugh it off as a morbid joke, but my own answer actually startled me. It could have been the result of a confluence of things - work has been incredibly shitty lately AND Tim absolutely adored Star Wars and was excited about the prospect of the new JJ Abrams movie (it was announced shortly before he died) so this might have been more an visceral reaction to the specific question while I was already depressed about work, but part of me worries that it's something deeper. That yes, there is an important part of me that is just broken. I'm encouraged to hear that this sort of thing usually gets better over time. I'm at a little over two years out now - sometimes I need to remind myself that as long as these last two years have felt, it's still really not that much time... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Kamcho Posted June 4, 2015 Share Posted June 4, 2015 . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trying Posted June 4, 2015 Author Share Posted June 4, 2015 Kamcho I think your soul is perfectly intact and you have more than your share of additional crap to deal with on top of widowhood. So many here extra burdens of health concerns, financial hardship, legal issues, PTSD and more. I'm sure at times hearing about typical widow issues can make you feel the way I do about other people's every day trials. And yes, sometimes I just don't have the emotional energy to spare. I will keep trying to keep my thoughts to myself and not shout out "suck it up Nancy, You don't know what real problems are!" Unfortunately I don't have a very good poker face... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Kamcho Posted June 4, 2015 Share Posted June 4, 2015 . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lcoxwell Posted June 4, 2015 Share Posted June 4, 2015 Until I read this post, I had never really thought about it, but I have had the sudden realization that I feel much the same way. As SimiRed mentioned, I can empathize, but my ability to sympathize is directly related to the level of grief and widow hardship I am facing on any given day and the amount of energy I am having to expend to just put one step in front of the other and make it through the next hour. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest tableforone Posted June 4, 2015 Share Posted June 4, 2015 At seven and a half years I have a difficult time working up sympathy for seemingly small problems. My sister will get all emotional over a 98 year old dying and I think, 'Please. They were 98. Tell me about a real problem. What I wouldn't have given for my husband to reach 60.' I am a lot better at faking up sympathy or at least saying something appropriate. But after being widowed at 44 and being an orphan at 46, it takes a big loss to make me feel. But anything that happens to one of us wids...well I always feel terrible about that. I think you are normal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mikeeh Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 For people going through what we have, losing our spouse, I have all the sympathy in the world. A workmate went through losing her husband to cancer after I lost my wife. All the sympathy in the world. Losing your 92 year old parent who live 2000 miles away, sorry not the same thing. So many around me getting a divorce, sorry your choice now or your bad choice then, no sympathy. If the car breaks down and you are stranded or the house if flooding or the kid is sick you can always pick up the phone and call them, even if divorced. We can't So I am with you, sympathy challenged for people going through what I don't think measures up to what we have gone through. I had to not only tell our son his Mom had cancer, I had to tell him we were cancelling a Disney trip with his cousins at the same time because of it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
linda5 Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 I'm so glad I'm a normal widow, as I feel the same way. I have no sympathy for others when they tell me their Grandma, Uncle, etc. died and I really have to act like I'm sorry for them. I hate faking it, and I look forward to the day that I really care about other people's problems. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrokenHeart2 Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 A while back my 57 yr old brother posted on FB he was devastated when a pro hockey player at 86 yrs old was not doing well. Really? He never met him and 86. OMG get a grip bro. More like idiot if you ask me. Oh another even more priceless, about 3 months out a supposed close friend text me her life is so stressful. New puppy, house renos and work is crazy. Really, you want to whine about that to me. Ugh DGI big time Yes, I too have lost some ability to feel sympathy, not totally but nowhere near where it used to be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mikeeh Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 And I bet that these incredibly sympathetic people who are so torn up at the loss of their uncle, dog, or celebrity or athlete were nowhere to be found when you were going through the hell we all went through. I care as long as I don't have to do anything about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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