People missing?

[anniegirl]

Carey, someone you were just in contact with vanished. You were not wrong to wonder if something happened and needn't feel you should apologize - imo.

 

I've spent about 17 years online at this or that forum. Made friends. Some of whom I still am in contact with via FB and though that will likely seem weird to some, I have never really made a distinction between my virtual friends and those I know in real time.

 

It's just as easy to lose contact virtually as it is to drift away from real life friends but the issue with the former is that often, you never know what happened to them.

 

I think this is a good conversation because it highlights the very different attitudes and feelings people have about the nature of online relationships. There is no reason why we should all feel the same way about this and it's good to examine our own feelings and needs. Self-awareness is not a bad thing.

 

 

[serpico]

Carey - You had a specific example and it makes complete sense.  I'm sorry if it seemed like I was singling you out.

[Guest Tableforone]

Hi Carey,

 

I also deleted my profile this past weekend, though I am not sure that anyone noticed. I reactivated so that I could address your thread. For me I left widda for a few reasons. Like many veterans I joined here wanting to be a support to other wids. ywbb had saved my sanity and I wanted there to be a place available to wids for that reason.

 

The deletion of a thread I had posted in bothered me. And it probably bothered me for a few reasons, the major reason being that the OP had worn on my last nerve with their frequent cries for help and then dismissal of all the wise and helpful responses. I should have known better than to bother replying. I didn't notice the thread flaming but just caring wids watching a fellow wid once again head down a track towards a metaphorical train. They had the right to remove their pieces of the thread but I did not agree that administrators needed to remove the thread. See? There. I just broke one of the rules. I called out a moderator.

 

Then this past weekend there was drama on the board. The drama involved some people that I have great respect for. I watched while wids that had no real knowledge of what was going on rip apart someone I know in support of a fellow wid having one of our widow meltdowns. Then something cruel was said to a widow who I have known for years. A widow who has stood up, stood with and stood by her fellow wids with unwavering support. She has always been a voice of reason and offers advice not only from her heart but from her head. She is one of the most intelligent people I know. It was too much for me. I felt sick. From very personal experience I know that we wids are sensitive people and when we are having a bad day it takes little to push us over the edge. For that reason I have always attempted to remain positive and never say anything that might be the thing that pushes one of us to the breaking point.

 

When a member who I loathe recently asked the question, "Am I an asshole?" I had to pry my fingers off the keyboard before I typed , "Yes." And when I saw that a widower had made fun of people being concerned that members had disappeared, I wanted to tell him to, "Shut the fuck up you arrogant ass." In years past I would never have thought of swearing at a fellow wid.

 

I don't know where I would be if it weren't for ywbb and the friends I made there. I was grief stricken and sobbing when they announced that they were shutting the site down. And I had such hope for this site. I still do. In life, when I realize that I am no longer able to use my powers for good, then I leave. Wids who know me, know how to find me.  I wish this site well and hope for its growth. tableforone is out.

 

 

[Carey]

See I don't have board access on the weekends and I obviously missed something. Sad that life seems to just keep taking away isn't it? I love this board and the people here and it's a vital need in this world where the widowed have a hard time explaining themselves or their feelings to those who can't fathom it (nor would we want them to!) This seemed like the place where every tantrum didn't have to have an explanation. I do understand that just because we are all widowed doesn't mean we have much else in common and would we even like each other otherwise lol.  But it's been a source of love, acceptance and comfort to me.  TooSoon had done something incredibly wonderful for me and I wanted her to know the gratitude I feel and this was the only way I could contact her. I'd love to stamp my foot and say no one else has my permission to leave. 

[lcoxwell]

While I don't typically say anything, I often notice when people disappear; and I often feel a deep sense of sadness to see others leave, though I understand that this will happen, from time to time. Each and every person here has a special place in my heart, because each of you has in some way helped me to survive the loss of my Kenneth, and I shall forever be grateful for that.

 

Regardless of the reasons people leave, they are greatly missed by me, even if no one else notices, and even if I don't say anything about it. Each time someone goes, I feel as though a piece of my heart is gone, too. I missed whatever happened, and I am sorry to see that a few people have chosen to leave recently. I hope they realize their value to this community as a whole, and to me personally.

[Lmsmdm]

Tableforone , I noticed.

[Nuggets]

** waving from Costa Rica **

 

Sorry to hear about drama & losses --- this place is open 24/7/365 and they can come back if they want or need to --- sometimes a step back, deactivation or abandon ship is in order to clear heads and take a deep breath.

 

It would be alarming ONLY if this was the first place it ever happened.

 

 

 

[Guest nonesuch]

I guess I missed some of the drama.

 

One of the features I like most about the old board was the "ignore" feature.  There were some people who just rattled my cage every time I read something they posted. 

 

It is frustrating to have people ask for advice and then ignore it, but frankly that's par for the course on many online communities.  It's frustrating to give thoughtful advice and have it disappear into the ether, but that happens in real life too.

[maddalena]

yeah, i like the ignore feature too, this one doesn't have it?

well, we'll see how that goes.