Second Sadiversary

[Hunter]

Here I am once again alone sitting in the dark with silence.  As I went to her grave today to lay some flowers I was taken by surprised by conflicting sense of time.  I know it has been two years according to the calendar, but internally my sense of the time passed rails against itself.

 

During those early months of pain, isolation, and emptiness time seemed to go so slow as I watched the world continue on around me, oblivious to the storm within.  I continued to move on one small step at a time.  After a while I was finally able to get myself out of that dark place to at least be able to go through the motions of completing a daily routine.  It took several more months before I started to feel like a person again.

 

During this past year I have not only found myself again, but have learned that it is possible to find love again.  I have worked myself through the internal struggles and conflicts of not only of "Is this what she would want me to do?" to avoiding comparison and seeing my new partner for who she is.

 

So as I stood there today one part was surprised by feeling these past two years feeling more like it has been 10 and another part feeling like it was only two months ago. 

 

Jenny,  I still and forever will miss and love you.  Your robust personality and waves of love you washed upon me will forever be with me.  Goodbye my love, until the day when we are reunited in the next life.

[Wheelerswife]

Hugs to you, Hunter.  You will remember her....you will.

 

Maureen

[MissingMyJon]

Hugs to you

[NoKindaDancer]

Hunter -

As I approach my 2nd year as well, I share many of your sentiments.  The time warp is such an odd thing.

 

-nkd

[Trying]

Adding my hugs to you. My 2 years is approaching as i am in the time of year when he was so sick.  The sense of time is a crazy thing.  There are times it feels so fresh and raw as if I just lost him and then other times, which are happening more frequently, when I feel like I've lived a lifetime without him.  I'm caught between moving towards a somewhat unknown future and being stuck in the past, afraid that moving forward means letting go.

[BrokenHeart2]

Hugs to you Hunter. I get it. So very well said Trying, I am just slightly over the 2nd sadiversary and yeah....'the sense of time is a crazy thing'. I feel all those crazy things too.  Unfortunately I tend to withdraw from life while this is happening and many don't understand or seem to care while I'm doing this.

 

[Jen]

Unfortunately I tend to withdraw from life while this is happening and many don't understand or seem to care while I'm doing this.

 

This is where I am-- isolating myself, drawing inward, letting apathy take over. I wonder if I will ever feel like I'm part of humanity ever again.

 

Hunter, hugs to you as you remember your Jenny, and peace and joy as you move forward.

[mikeeh]

I thought the withdrawal thing was just a me thing because of my own social ineptness.  Sorry to hear that you all have these times, but at least I feel a little better that I am not the only one who withdraws and don't feel like I have a contact with humanity.

[CHM1988]

"So as I stood there today one part was surprised by feeling these past two years feeling more like it has been 10 and another part feeling like it was only two months ago."

 

Yes, exactly. Sending hugs and love.

[CBB]

So well written and heart felt Hunter. I passed my 2 year Mark in May. I haven't found my next Chapter yet but I know I will always carry My husband with me as I journey forward just as you will with your sweet Jenny. Sending you many hugs.

 

Cyndi

[cgelpink]

I feel that way as well.  I go back and forth in time just like that.  I used to be very extroverted, but now I just want to spend most of my time alone avoiding people and society.  Sending hugs your way.