Mancino

The title of this topic reminded me of this: My husband was a stickler for details when it came to fixing things. I know I have taken the easy way out on some things I've had to do, and I can almost feel him rolling his eyes at me somewhere when I do. :

LOL! And you've even been here :-) Take care, Rob T I'll even keep the cats

Hey, Rob...wanna switch houses? I would love to move to Colorado and Windsor is just a short drive from my place here in metro Detroit, LOL

A, funny that I popped in here now and see your post about your mom. I was feeling a bit the same the other day on my mom's birthday; she would have been 94 on Thursday. She's been gone 13 years now and on occasion I still have to stop myself when I absentmindedly want to pick up the phone to call her. Even though they never had a chance to meet, I often think of my mom and my husband at the same time. Shortly after we started dating, my husband's mother died. Then a few months later, my mom died. In a weird way we sort of bonded over the deaths of our mothers. ((Hugs))

Yep, there is no good reason why my husband died of cancer; it just is what it is (something he always said to me). I heard a line in an episode of "Criminals Minds" a while back that stuck with me. It went something to the effect, "Sometimes you do everything right and you still lose". That's more in line of how I felt about our whole situation with his cancer diagnosis and treatment. He did everything he was supposed to do and yet he still died, just like so many others. Shit happens (or as a coworker used to say, "Excrement Occurs")

AC!! I, too, was recently thinking of you and wondering how you were doing as I saw that the next season of HTGAWM starts this week. I'm not around here as much anymore, but I was glad to see you had popped in at a time when I did too!

(((Maureen))) Fellow September 2009, too. I can't believe six years have gone by already. As my birthday approaches at the end of this week, I am really feeling the passage of time. He always joked about how he married a younger woman (there were 10 years between us); now I'm starting to "catch up" to him. Hard to imagine it some days and really hard to imagine how he would have aged. It's crazy what thoughts take up space in my widda brain some days...

I don't know what you mean by "DGI". I looked that up on Wikipedia and actually found some funny results, but I suspect you're not in the mood for jokes about this right now. Yes, as klim said, "DGI" is used to described a person who "doesn't get it" regarding our widowhood struggles. FYI for you and anyone else, there is a pinned post in the Introduction section at the top of the board with a list of a lot of the acronyms used here. I know I was confused by some of them at first. (klim, I like your "god damn idiots" description, too, even if that would be GDI ) As for the OP, year two was hard for me as well. The fog lifted and the reality smacked me in the face. About two weeks before the first sadiversary, I topped it off with taking an early retirement offer from my workplace. The sudden absence of not having a routine of a job to go to each day really magnified the "what do I do now?" feeling, something I still struggle with at times. I don't have any children either, so not having to worry about anyone but me was both a blessing and a curse. Someone else mentioned making lists; that was something that helps me get motivated to get things done. Seeing a task or project written down and then crossing it off the list when finished gives me a sense of accomplishment.

Yay! Good for you, IfIOnlyCould! I've been wanting to take an extended road trip and have been trying to get the nerve to do it by myself! I, too, feel like I'm finally BAG. As you know, I am working on downsizing and decluttering in the hopes of moving one of these days. But I'm finally not getting bogged down by too many memories like I did earlier on. I'm hitting a little bump in the road as the 6-year sadiversary is this Sunday, but as I remember him, I'm finding it easier to look back on the good times we had during the short time we had together rather than dwelling on losing him. Of course I'm still sad that he's missed out on so much, but I've come to accept that this is my new life and I'm going to try and make the most out of the years that he was so unfairly cheated out of.

I started by moving furniture around just to make things look a little different. At one point, we'd had a hospital bed in the living room, so not only was I glad to see that illness reminder gone, but it did make it a little easier to rearrange things. The biggest thing that probably helped me get past the hurdle of "redistributing his wealth" (I like how you put that) was when I gathered up and donated most of his clothing. He had a closet full of sport coats and shirts that were in great condition, and there was no one in my family or his that could use them. Somewhere around the 6 or 7 month mark, I finally just decided that it was ridiculous these items were going to waste and collecting dust hanging in the closet, and I ended up donating them to a local charity. Now it took almost a whole bottle of wine and a lot of tears to do it, but it was such a relief to finally get it done. After that, it got easier to get keep getting rid of things, either by donation, giving away, or selling. If I came across and item that I wasn't sure if I wanted to keep or not, I would put it away in a storage bin to decide on later. I also made a small memory box of some of the smaller personal items with sentimental value and took photos of a few items as a memory before donating, selling, or giving away. As time as passed (it's 6 years for me this month), I've been able to part with a lot of that stuff that I thought I just had to save. I do chuckle a little when I'm parting with things...DH used to tease me when I went shopping that if I brought something in, I had to take something out, so now I look up and say out loud to him "See, I'm taking something out" These days, I'm really wanting to move (preferably out of state) so downsizing and decluttering is job 1. It's gotten easier to look at something and ask "do you really want to pack and move that?" Good luck in whatever you decide to do. Start small and see how it goes. It's another one of those necessary evils of widowhood, but for me it has been a great weight off my shoulders. As others have said, the memories will always be with you.

This just brought back a memory I had forgotten about. When DH picked me up at the airport after a trip out west to visit family, I noticed he looked a little disheveled. I found out why when I got home...he had been up almost all night repainting the bedroom, something that I had been wanting to do for a long time. He had also moved the on/off switch for the garbage disposal to directly under the sink. It was in a spot on the wall that I always had a hard time reaching, being a short person with short arms. I guess he got tired of me grumbling and swearing every time I had to stretch to turn it on. I think of him every time I use it to this day. Thanks for reminding me of all this...

Me. This. Argh.

Ha, Jen...I'm a Libra, too! The chronic indecision is debilitating for me some days. I can work myself into such a frenzy weighing the options on the smallest of decisions. I was always a bit in awe how DH could just assess any situation and decide what to do fairly quickly. I was both annoyed by and jealous of that! My husband used to tease me about my inability to decide on the little things, especially at restaurants. If it was a place that had one of those large, several-pages-long menus, he'd sigh and say "we're going to be here all night". ;D As for the OP, I'm dealing with replacing a couple of old, run-down appliances in my kitchen. I had been putting this off because I had hoped to have sold this condo by now & moved, but that hasn't happened (see above about my inability to decide on almost anything). Because this is an older complex, apparently I don't have the proper gas shut-off valve required (it's in the basement; needs to be directly behind the stove now), so the store won't do the installation. So, I'm sitting here today waiting on someone else to come take care of it. (I don't mind trying to tackle some jobs myself, but dealing with gas just scares me). Sigh!

Yeah, I've still been doing some decluttering, but not as much as I could be, so thanks for bumping. I do need to lock myself in my spare bedroom since about two weeks ago the rod in the closet in there came crashing down, dumping clothes & hangers all over the floor. I wouldn't be surprised if it was a sign from DH trying to tell me that I have way too many clothes, LOL. The next job after that will be cooking stuff....I have so many kitchen doo-dads that I never use. When DH was here, he was a much better cook than I am; and now that it's just me, I don't do much cooking at all.

May I add a sorta grumble? Today was my wedding anniversary....the fifth one since he's been gone. In reality it was just another day, but of course it was (and still is) on my mind. Against my common sense, I kinda hoped someone else in my family would have remembered, but alas, no. No big deal after so many years, but I figured I could come here and just give a big sigh. :-\ I did go by the cemetery...even though I have never felt him there, I stop by on occasion because it's a nice quiet place to just sit and think (my parents are there, too). Usually, that is. Of course today when I go by, it's lawn care day...mowers and weed whackers and blowers, oh my. Just a constant whir of machines and exhaust. DH was not really a cemetery person, so I guess it was his way of telling me to "snap out of it!" and get out of there, lol.