Mancino

The title of this topic reminded me of this: My husband was a stickler for details when it came to fixing things. I know I have taken the easy way out on some things I've had to do, and I can almost feel him rolling his eyes at me somewhere when I do. :

LOL! And you've even been here :-) Take care, Rob T I'll even keep the cats

Hey, Rob...wanna switch houses? I would love to move to Colorado and Windsor is just a short drive from my place here in metro Detroit, LOL

A, funny that I popped in here now and see your post about your mom. I was feeling a bit the same the other day on my mom's birthday; she would have been 94 on Thursday. She's been gone 13 years now and on occasion I still have to stop myself when I absentmindedly want to pick up the phone to call her. Even though they never had a chance to meet, I often think of my mom and my husband at the same time. Shortly after we started dating, my husband's mother died. Then a few months later, my mom died. In a weird way we sort of bonded over the deaths of our mothers. ((Hugs))

Yep, there is no good reason why my husband died of cancer; it just is what it is (something he always said to me). I heard a line in an episode of "Criminals Minds" a while back that stuck with me. It went something to the effect, "Sometimes you do everything right and you still lose". That's more in line of how I felt about our whole situation with his cancer diagnosis and treatment. He did everything he was supposed to do and yet he still died, just like so many others. Shit happens (or as a coworker used to say, "Excrement Occurs")

AC!! I, too, was recently thinking of you and wondering how you were doing as I saw that the next season of HTGAWM starts this week. I'm not around here as much anymore, but I was glad to see you had popped in at a time when I did too!

(((Maureen))) Fellow September 2009, too. I can't believe six years have gone by already. As my birthday approaches at the end of this week, I am really feeling the passage of time. He always joked about how he married a younger woman (there were 10 years between us); now I'm starting to "catch up" to him. Hard to imagine it some days and really hard to imagine how he would have aged. It's crazy what thoughts take up space in my widda brain some days...

I don't know what you mean by "DGI". I looked that up on Wikipedia and actually found some funny results, but I suspect you're not in the mood for jokes about this right now. Yes, as klim said, "DGI" is used to described a person who "doesn't get it" regarding our widowhood struggles. FYI for you and anyone else, there is a pinned post in the Introduction section at the top of the board with a list of a lot of the acronyms used here. I know I was confused by some of them at first. (klim, I like your "god damn idiots" description, too, even if that would be GDI ) As for the OP, year two was hard for me as well. The fog lifted and the reality smacked me in the face. About two weeks before the first sadiversary, I topped it off with taking an early retirement offer from my workplace. The sudden absence of not having a routine of a job to go to each day really magnified the "what do I do now?" feeling, something I still struggle with at times. I don't have any children either, so not having to worry about anyone but me was both a blessing and a curse. Someone else mentioned making lists; that was something that helps me get motivated to get things done. Seeing a task or project written down and then crossing it off the list when finished gives me a sense of accomplishment.

Yay! Good for you, IfIOnlyCould! I've been wanting to take an extended road trip and have been trying to get the nerve to do it by myself! I, too, feel like I'm finally BAG. As you know, I am working on downsizing and decluttering in the hopes of moving one of these days. But I'm finally not getting bogged down by too many memories like I did earlier on. I'm hitting a little bump in the road as the 6-year sadiversary is this Sunday, but as I remember him, I'm finding it easier to look back on the good times we had during the short time we had together rather than dwelling on losing him. Of course I'm still sad that he's missed out on so much, but I've come to accept that this is my new life and I'm going to try and make the most out of the years that he was so unfairly cheated out of.

I started by moving furniture around just to make things look a little different. At one point, we'd had a hospital bed in the living room, so not only was I glad to see that illness reminder gone, but it did make it a little easier to rearrange things. The biggest thing that probably helped me get past the hurdle of "redistributing his wealth" (I like how you put that) was when I gathered up and donated most of his clothing. He had a closet full of sport coats and shirts that were in great condition, and there was no one in my family or his that could use them. Somewhere around the 6 or 7 month mark, I finally just decided that it was ridiculous these items were going to waste and collecting dust hanging in the closet, and I ended up donating them to a local charity. Now it took almost a whole bottle of wine and a lot of tears to do it, but it was such a relief to finally get it done. After that, it got easier to get keep getting rid of things, either by donation, giving away, or selling. If I came across and item that I wasn't sure if I wanted to keep or not, I would put it away in a storage bin to decide on later. I also made a small memory box of some of the smaller personal items with sentimental value and took photos of a few items as a memory before donating, selling, or giving away. As time as passed (it's 6 years for me this month), I've been able to part with a lot of that stuff that I thought I just had to save. I do chuckle a little when I'm parting with things...DH used to tease me when I went shopping that if I brought something in, I had to take something out, so now I look up and say out loud to him "See, I'm taking something out" These days, I'm really wanting to move (preferably out of state) so downsizing and decluttering is job 1. It's gotten easier to look at something and ask "do you really want to pack and move that?" Good luck in whatever you decide to do. Start small and see how it goes. It's another one of those necessary evils of widowhood, but for me it has been a great weight off my shoulders. As others have said, the memories will always be with you.

This just brought back a memory I had forgotten about. When DH picked me up at the airport after a trip out west to visit family, I noticed he looked a little disheveled. I found out why when I got home...he had been up almost all night repainting the bedroom, something that I had been wanting to do for a long time. He had also moved the on/off switch for the garbage disposal to directly under the sink. It was in a spot on the wall that I always had a hard time reaching, being a short person with short arms. I guess he got tired of me grumbling and swearing every time I had to stretch to turn it on. I think of him every time I use it to this day. Thanks for reminding me of all this...

Me. This. Argh.

Ha, Jen...I'm a Libra, too! The chronic indecision is debilitating for me some days. I can work myself into such a frenzy weighing the options on the smallest of decisions. I was always a bit in awe how DH could just assess any situation and decide what to do fairly quickly. I was both annoyed by and jealous of that! My husband used to tease me about my inability to decide on the little things, especially at restaurants. If it was a place that had one of those large, several-pages-long menus, he'd sigh and say "we're going to be here all night". ;D As for the OP, I'm dealing with replacing a couple of old, run-down appliances in my kitchen. I had been putting this off because I had hoped to have sold this condo by now & moved, but that hasn't happened (see above about my inability to decide on almost anything). Because this is an older complex, apparently I don't have the proper gas shut-off valve required (it's in the basement; needs to be directly behind the stove now), so the store won't do the installation. So, I'm sitting here today waiting on someone else to come take care of it. (I don't mind trying to tackle some jobs myself, but dealing with gas just scares me). Sigh!

Yeah, I've still been doing some decluttering, but not as much as I could be, so thanks for bumping. I do need to lock myself in my spare bedroom since about two weeks ago the rod in the closet in there came crashing down, dumping clothes & hangers all over the floor. I wouldn't be surprised if it was a sign from DH trying to tell me that I have way too many clothes, LOL. The next job after that will be cooking stuff....I have so many kitchen doo-dads that I never use. When DH was here, he was a much better cook than I am; and now that it's just me, I don't do much cooking at all.

May I add a sorta grumble? Today was my wedding anniversary....the fifth one since he's been gone. In reality it was just another day, but of course it was (and still is) on my mind. Against my common sense, I kinda hoped someone else in my family would have remembered, but alas, no. No big deal after so many years, but I figured I could come here and just give a big sigh. :-\ I did go by the cemetery...even though I have never felt him there, I stop by on occasion because it's a nice quiet place to just sit and think (my parents are there, too). Usually, that is. Of course today when I go by, it's lawn care day...mowers and weed whackers and blowers, oh my. Just a constant whir of machines and exhaust. DH was not really a cemetery person, so I guess it was his way of telling me to "snap out of it!" and get out of there, lol.

I hear ya, JG. I'm smiling through a few tears as I remember my husband's collection of spices and fish seasonings...he was a wonderful cook! The "tapioca pudding" for me was a jar of sweet pickles. A jar he bought on one of our last trips to the grocery store before he couldn't go out anymore. I don't like them, so they never got opened. I moved them around in the cupboard for over 4 years. It's crazy, isn't it? ((Hugs))

I did hit the basement a bit yesterday. Threw out a some oddball nuts, bolts, nails, and screws...just how many jars of that kind of stuff does one need? And the random time I have scrounged through the tool chest when I needed something, I never seemed to have saved the right size and ended up buying more anyway. I also finally dumped about a dozen half-empty bottles of various kinds of liquor. Not sure how I accumulated so much of stuff I don't drink (and hubby didn't drink either) It had been fermenting in the basement cupboard for almost 10 years. I think I got a little drunk just on the fumes as I was pouring it out...my laundry tub smelled like a dirty distillery. I also finally schlepped my recyclables to the appropriate dumpsters here at the condo. I hope nobody saw me dumping the dozen or so empty booze bottles, lol.

Ha, Tang? That's something I haven't heard of or thought about since I was a kid. Do they still make that stuff? I'm another one who has fallen off the clear-it-out wagon. Even though today is a nice day, I'm going to attempt to spend a few hours in the basement...

I'm right there with you, Trying. I have suffered with chronic indecision all of my life. I was always in awe of how my husband could weigh pros and cons and make a decision so easily when I would fret about the most minor things for days/weeks/months. (I remember how he used to groan whenever we were in a restaurant that had a big menu...he knew I would be sweating over trying to decide what to eat, LOL) I really want to move away. I've got stuff to get rid of, but I don't know where to start or what to do with it. I need to sell the condo, but I can't decide when or how to do it. I want to move out of state, but I can't decide where to go, or if I even have the nerve to move somewhere where I don't know anybody else. Since I have trouble deciding about a meal, trying to make these big ticket decisions are just overwhelming to me. Meanwhile, 5+ years have ticked by. Oh how I would love if someone would just come in and tell me what to do. It's just me here, so my nonstop hamster-wheeling doesn't affect anyone else. But being alone also doesn't help light a fire under my behind to get moving in some direction (any direction!) and I'm getting frustrated with myself. Sigh!

Today I was at the pump at a gas station when a guy pulled up to the pump in front of me. He rolled down his window and very nicely asked if I could spare a few dollars because he was so close to Empty that he had to pull out of traffic but didn't have anything more than cupholder change to buy some gas to get home. I thought what the heck, and gave him the smallest bill I had -- a five. (I do remember hesitating a bit...I watch way too many ID Network true crime TV shows that begin with an abduction at a gas station :-\ ). Anyway, next thing I know, he's pulling back out on to the road, not buying any gas. So much for my good deed...I hope he and his ginormous gas guzzler SUV had a good time with my $5. Oh well, at least I tried to spread some kindness...

A, I really need to bribe you into coming to my house one of these days...

So Sandi, what was the other 'sea monster' song? You can't leave us hanging...

mokie, that cinnamon whiskey sounds like it would be good in a mug of warm cider come Halloween time

I don't know how it happened, but my clothes managed to expand to fill the empty closet & drawer space left when I got rid of DH's things. : Today I filled four large shopping bags with stuff to donate, and I still need to do more. I think they're reproducing at night when I'm not looking, lol. I also need to tackle my jewelry box. I could open a small boutique with all the costume jewelry & watches I've collected over the years. A good portion of it of it can go; I always seem to rely on the same few favorite pieces. Like clothing, I think I wear about 20% of the items 80% of the time.

Ha, Sandi, funny you mention keys. I gathered up all the keys I came across and put them in a small box....there are dozens of them. I have no idea what they go to or why he kept them, but I've been afraid to toss them because I fantasize about coming across some locked treasure box just full of cash, gold and jewels, LOL.