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laurie27

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Personal Information

  • Date Widowed
    02/19/2019
  • Name of Spouse
    Mark
  • Spouse's Age
    79


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  1. laurie27

    Widowed 3-6-19

    @Julester3 Thank you for your posts, they have helped me so much. But you are so right, one second, one minute, and so on. I am three and a half months out, and I still cry every day. And speaking of busy I think I am going to start a new quilt this weekend. A friend of mine gave me some fabric so I would do just that and I think it's a good time. Hugs to all of us! We all need them.
  2. laurie27

    Widowed 3-6-19

    Oh Cassie, As Love2fish says I am so sorry that you have joined a club nobody wants to be in. I know I sure don't. My loss is also recent only February 19th, but I cannot imagine the pain you must be feeling. He was so young. However, you will go on, especially since you have the children that depend on you. The biggest trick I have found is staying busy...not always easy, but I try. I am a quilter, so I have been doing a lot of charity work. That and I cry a lot, don't forget to stay hydrated. I am glad you found WIDDA, it has been my saving grace know that I am not crazy for what I am going through, it is normal. Hugs to you and your children.
  3. laurie27

    Widowed 5-9-19

    Hello Gemma, As Hachi said, welcome to a club that no one wants to join. Let me give you some hugs, as I am sure you need them. Ten days is not a very long time and I am sure you are still in shock. I know I still feel that way sometimes. Today was three months for me, My biggest tip (at least for me) is to stay busy. I like to sew, however, my concentration was, let's just say not my best, so I did a LOT of charity work, just to keep my hands busy. I still cry a lot, however, because of coming to this website all the time, I find that it is normal and I don't feel like I am being weird. And yes, everything, no matter how little it seems, that you can do will be a victory. In the beginning (that first month), I tried to leave the house every day...but I gave myself permission that if I got half way somewhere and couldn't do it, I could always come home. I made it to somewhere most of the time. Anyway it helped me to connect with someone else at least once a day. Remember, to take care of yourself, and to stay hydrated.
  4. laurie27

    I'm engaged!

    Congratulations! Here's wishing you a lot of happiness. And, yes, I understand the guilt feelings, but try to put that away as it will only drag you down, and you don't want or need that.
  5. I saw this on a friends facebook page and I thought it is so true. Mark will always be a part of who I am. There are things I did in life that I never would have imagined in my twenties. And I mean that in a very good way. Thank you for sharing this video.
  6. I was thinking about everyone today with Mother's Day coming up. For me it's not a big holiday, as I lost my mother 47 years ago. But I was thinking of all of you as you have been so helpful to me going through this incredibly difficult journey. I wanted to give hugs and good thoughts, and prayers to all of you. Take care of yourselves this weekend.
  7. laurie27

    Getting Rid of His/Her Clothes

    @soloact and @Bubu27. I thank you for commenting to my post. I did get rid of his jeans and some t-shirts, however, I stood my ground on the shirts I want to use for the memory quilt, and I am so glad I did. The way all of the members of this site supported my decision made it so much easier. Because you are so right @soloact, that first week, when I was still in shock, my sister got rid of all his underwear and socks and shorts, just cleaned out his dresser drawers and his jewelry box. I am still so mad about it, I had a hard time talking to her for a while. But done is done, at least she didn't get rid of anything important, but she really shouldn't have touched any of that stuff, it was mine to do in my own time. Hugs to everyone here, we all need them.
  8. laurie27

    Getting Rid of His/Her Clothes

    Thanks for the affirmation of my decision, I have decided to keep the cotton shirts to make the quilt top, and then all the flannel and fleece shirts I am going to sew together to make the backer. I think that will keep me comfy come the winter time. I also think the process of making the quilt will bring back beautiful memories. Mark liked to help me pick out fabrics and since he had a great sense of color, it was a big help. I'll post a picture of it when it is done. Might be this year, but I may not be able to do it until next year. We'll see how it goes. It's been almost three months for me since I lost Mark, however, I am trying to remember the good memories, the fun vacations, times when he didn't hurt so much. I still cry a lot, but from reading this forum I know this to be normal. I don't know how I could be where I am now without all of the support I have received from all of you. Thanks and Hugs to everyone!
  9. laurie27

    Triggers in public

    Amberina, yes Public Triggers are awful. My LH used to help me shop for fabric (I am a quilter) because he had such a great sense of color and patterns. I went to the fabric store and just broke down crying. Thankfully they know me there and I just got comforted. Hugs to you and take care of yourself, it's not easy.
  10. Wow, I cannot imagine anyone saying that you are *lucky* to be widowed. That is awful. People can be so inconsiderate it just amazes me. I am newly widowed and haven't run into too many situations, however, a week ago I had to fill out a form at a new doctor's office and when I had to check off widowed, I just broke down and started crying. Hugs to all of you on here tonight. We all need them.
  11. laurie27

    Getting Rid of His/Her Clothes

    Thanks Toosoon. As you can see from my last post, I agree with you. I am going to give his good clothes to hopefully a young professional who could use them. I can't imagine his suits from 30 years ago being any good to anybody, however, that gorgeous dress coat (100% wool, and Italian made no less), I really want that to go to someone special. I'm also thinking that his ties will help someone, I don't think they go out of style??? I'm sure it will work itself out. Read that someone will come into my sphere and I will know they are the one that needs them. I did clean up my office yesterday and made all new file folders. I had files from 2012 through the present and now I have 2019 in their own folders, so at least I cleaned up something! As to the therapist, I have to agree with all of you...he doesn't know what he is talking about. I don't think he really understands grieving.
  12. laurie27

    Getting Rid of His/Her Clothes

    Good Morning Gang, Thanks for all the thoughts. I think I am going to follow my heart and keep all of the good stuff and see if there is a young professional who might need it. Then I am going through the shirts for the quilt (I decided to back the quilt with the flannel and fleece shirts) and put that upstairs and give the rest to a men's shelter as many of you have advised (it will make me feel good to help someone in need). All of you guys are great, you have helped me so much go through this journey that none of us wanted to go through! Hugs to everyone and have a good weekend!
  13. laurie27

    Getting Rid of His/Her Clothes

    I have a 3 bedroom house with an upstairs that isn't used for anything which is what made me think to put his things upstairs and give it a try to see if it helps me. My other problem is going through his coats, he has a very expensive dress coat, which I don't want to just take to Goodwill. I'm not sure, I think I will ask around and see if one of the gentlemen at church could use it. To be honest I had forgotten all about it. When we were first married, he was a sales executive in New York City, so he still has a lot of formal wear that he stopped wearing. A lot of it I am sure is dated, but not the dress coat.
  14. laurie27

    Getting Rid of His/Her Clothes

    Hi Hachi, Yes, it was my first visit, which is why I thought to ask for some thoughts. This website has been so helpful to me. Just knowing that what I am going through is "normal", not crazy has been a big help. Thank you for your input. I think I will try one more visit because he did help with some things, but if he get too pushy about memories, I won't go back, because memories is all we have left.
  15. laurie27

    Getting Rid of His/Her Clothes

    Thank you for that input, I was just thinking that I found a really expensive dress coat and I want to see that go to someone I know that can use it. I was thinking of doing it maybe half way, by getting his things (clothes, camera, hats and such) out of "our" closet and put them upstairs and go through them when I am ready, but not have to look at them everyday. What do you think of that as a solution?

Personal Information

  • Date Widowed
    02/19/2019
  • Name of Spouse
    Mark
  • Spouse's Age
    79


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