A movie brought me back - 11 years later

[MikeR]

I watched the movie "Brian's Song" tonight. Hadn't seen it in perhaps 40 years. It's about the life of Brian Picolo, a football player who died of cancer in the 1960's at age 26. My wife, Cathryn, died of cancer 11 years ago and several scenes in the movie brought me right back there. I haven't cried like this in a number of years.

 

I started on the YWBB, the precursor to this board. I haven't posted much here because I truly am beyond active grieving. But tonight, I just had to write to those who understand, just as I did so many times on that other board.

 

It's good to have a place to go when the grief wells up again. And it does, though with less frequency as time passes. Still, it never really goes away. It just lies dormant until something triggers it, as it did tonight.

 

I guess there's no specific point to this. I just wanted to talk to my buddies - those of you whom I haven't even met but who understand. Thanks for reading.

 

Mike

[Julester3]

Hugs Mike. I totally understand to just be watching something or listening and blam!!! It just happens and it lays you low. A book on grieving that I've read calls that ambush grief  - comes out of no where and unsuspectingly.

[Trying]

While I feel for the most part that I am beyond active grieving there are those moments like you experienced that can bring me right back.  In a weird way I welcome those moments now (well, not when they hit in a public place) because it makes me feel close to him and reminds me of the permanent imprint he has on my heart.  My life with him forever changed me and his death forever changed me so it's natural that there are things that trigger a smile, gratitude, sadness, longing or any range of emotions.

 

I'm glad we all have this place to come to.

[Euf]

 

Hi Mike. I remember you from my early days as a widow.

 

It would have been so much harder without our virtual widow friends and I’m thankful we can still come back and find them here when we need them.

 

No matter how far we have gone past active grieving, sometimes things still hit us when we least expect it.

 

((hugs))

 

[MikeR]

Euf,

 

And I remember you, too. In a very real way, when that board went away it was like losing a lot of close friends all at once. Glad to see some of them here.

 

Mike

 

[Catnip]

Hi Mike,

It's been 10 years for me, almost 11. Yes, those moments are fewer but boy they still happen and sometimes with a vengeance, so yes, I understand.

 

I read here a lot, but don't post as much anymore. I'm almost embarrassed to admit that I'm still here. It's been so long and I am no longer a "young" widow. Not much has changed for me; the same job, same house, same kids. I've just become more independent, without hardly even noticing. I still miss him terribly, think of him all the time, but I guess I'm getting used to it (I keep telling myself).

 

Nice to hear from you!

~Catnip

[MrsT85]

While I feel for the most part that I am beyond active grieving there are those moments like you experienced that can bring me right back.  In a weird way I welcome those moments now (well, not when they hit in a public place) because it makes me feel close to him and reminds me of the permanent imprint he has on my heart.  My life with him forever changed me and his death forever changed me so it's natural that there are things that trigger a smile, gratitude, sadness, longing or any range of emotions.

 

I'm glad we all have this place to come to.

 

I agree with every word you wrote, Trying.  I'm another one who is so grateful for this community, even though I have been away for a while.  I recently had a hard cry while watching Patton Oswalt's newest stand up special (he was talking about his earliest days as a widower) and I savored it.  It made me feel closer to Tim than I had in many months. 

 

Glad to see so many familiar names - thanks for being here <3

[tybec]

I am hooked on the new show, "This is Us."  My LH would call it my crybaby show as I tend to cry each time. The show was titled "Trick and bittersweet."

 

The show jumps back and forth to different decades of the family.  So you get a little past and then present and sometimes in between times.

 

Well, the father has died.  We don't know the story, yet.  But last night, the wife became a grandmother and deeply cries.  She shares it is the best moment of her life since giving birth, and the saddest that her husband didn't get to share it with her.  I cried big tears.  It is there, always. She talks about it, also.

 

At the very end, the mother/wife/widow is on the internet and chats with her late husband's best friend, and it leads to understanding of a later relationship with him. 

 

The kids in the show are young teens when the father dies, and they haven't shared the how, but later aged scenes leads to all them having some loss issues and how it impacted their lives and choices. 

 

Just the way it is.