Jump to content

Young Widow Forum

Register to view blogs.

tybec

6 yrs. and going

Recommended Posts

I had my sadiversary yesterday, 6 yrs.  I didn't know what to do exactly. I began writing as my own therapy with notes on FB early on to let others in on my true thoughts of widowhood and always received supportive feedback.  Well, I chose to write a memorial as I didn't at the funeral.  I was in shock with death by an accident, and 3 days later having a funeral.  It was strange, and I don't remember a lot about it, honestly.  So, I wrote a memorial. Of course it isn't what I would have said 6 years ago, but something. I am healing, and I was able to share joyful memories and tell of who my dear husband was to me.  I had teachers from HS respond as we went to the same school, friends and folks from every decade of our lives together.  I feel good about it.  I do feel JOY, less sorrow. 

 

I have been dating NG just short of 2 years. I gave him a heads up.  He even liked my note.  I told him I appreciated his grace and class in managing all of it.  My late husband was a likable guy, friendly, loyal, funny, a youth minister volunteer, Marine, coach, etc.,  and many shared their thoughts of that. He loved me and shared with others that and many wrote about his vocalizations of devotion to me and our son.  Couldn't be easy for him to read all the things people wrote. 

 

So, another monumental day has passed.  My son and I drove to the town to lay flowers but the snow was still covering the ground. The Christmas wreaths were still on it from the laying of the wreaths as he was  placed in a Veterans Cemetery.  It was quite pretty, actually.  I sent his mother yellow roses, her favorite as a way to let her know I care about her and the day, too. 

 

I feel very fortunate to have had a wonderful love story.  Moving forward is happening, but I have a lot to be thankful for and am this year.  :)

  • Like 4

Share this post


Link to post
Posted (edited)

As of 1AM on May 16th I will hit the 6 year mark. This is completely surreal. I am keeping my son home from school in the AM and we are going to write a "message in a bottle" to his dad, who was a Captain. Then I going with another widow to park myself at a spa for the entire afternoon to relax and reflect.

 

I am thankful too how well my young son and I are doing but I would give anything for dad and son to meet, even just once. My son was only 9mths old when his Dad died and they would have been like two peas in a pod now. I have also never seen my wedding video (we were going to watch it on our 3rd wedding anniversary but he died 2 weeks before) but I am thinking about sitting down with my son and watching it this year.

Edited by Captains wife
  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post

Well, i guess it’s the six year club here...tomorrow would have been my wedding anniversary and in less than a month it will be six years since he died. Part of me can’t believe I’m still finding stuff that needs emotional processing and the other part is all; ‘duh!’ My bf is taking me out of town for my birthday, which is this weekend. While running last minute errands I unexpectedly became extremely anxious and then a line from a song on the radio made me burst into a sobbing mess. Did not see that coming, but then realized the source- hopefully that means tomorrow will go okay now. 

 

Hugs, ladies❤️ Six year....wtf?! 

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post

Hope you have a lovely Spa day even if little parts of the day may be a bit sad , Hugs to you 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post

My son and I had a beautiful morning with our message in a bottle and he is going to his Dad's bench after school with our nanny. Am feeling reflective today and happy I took this afternoon off work to go to the spa with another widow. It's surreal - there are a few young bridal parties here today all excited about their next stage of life. And I think - that was me 10 years ago, blissfully unaware of death. 

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post

CW, your message-in-a-bottle ritual with your son is perfect. I am glad you were able to find peace for you both on this day.

 

abl

Share this post


Link to post

CW-  loved your plans with your son.  And a spa day!  I am long overdue  for one of those.  Yes, surreal.  How life can be on a track and derail and then have a complete change in destination, it boggles my mind. And to be in love with a new person but still have this tie to the old life. Love the LH but not be  in love as it isn’t a live relationship any more,  and, therefore, cannot grow or be sustainable.  Yup Bunny.  Tears flow at times unpredictably.  It is our widow lives. 6 yrs and going.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post

All of you who just hit 6 years have been such beacons for me. I hit 6 years Sept 1, all of you were that little bit ahead of me, posting away when I was just lurking at first, trying to figure out what it all meant and what the next steps should be. 

 

Thank you. Thank you for being there with your pain, trials, your lives.... I know I'm not the only one you've kept going during the dark times. 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post

It was six years for me in March. I’ve dated, but nobody I wanted to stay with for very long, a couple who were actually quite awful. I’m learning to be okay alone. I have good friends, I’ve started a new business, I travel a lot, which I love. My life is very different than it would have been if my husband was still alive. I miss him every day, but that previous life I had with him is starting to feel like a long time ago. I recently had to put down the two dogs we got together almost 13 years ago. It was so hard, and so sad, but a relief, and freeing, at the same time, and it feels like both another ending and new beginning of I don’t what, which is sort of, maybe, possibly, okay. Maybe even better than okay. I don’t even try to predict anymore.

Share this post


Link to post

As of this year, all my animals with my husband are dead too, Meema. It is a strange feeling. I’m in no hurry to get another pet, or husband (though I do like having my boyfriend). And yeah- that life feels a million miles away from where I am now. And now really is pretty darn good. Man...grief is so damn... weird.  

 

So, I came home from my vacation to find in my mailbox the county had sent me a jury summons. This is not at all unusual as I’m one of those people who gets them pretty much yearly. But the date...June 11. The day my husband died. Even falls on a Monday, which is the day of the week he died. Not quite sure what to do. Will it be nice to have something to do that day, to keep busy? Will I suddenly have a panic attack during jury selection? Who knows?! Not me...

Share this post


Link to post

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use.