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2,194 days.......

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 It's been a long journey- 6 years just passed this week. Glad the anguish is behind me... the crying on the way to and from work...just laying in bed staring at the wall. But now it's taken on a new feeling. I don't feel married anymore- that feeling just started a few weeks ago.- But I guess after 2,194 days of not being with someone it was bound to come to this.Marriage with him of 17 years seems so far away.  Maybe I've arrived at the new me?


How long did it take you to NOT feel married anymore?

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I still feel married to two women.  I was married and with one of them 35 years,  I was not married to NG. The certificate, the ceremony, the witnesses, these are not the things that make me feel married.  That feeling comes from love and commitment that goes to the finish line.


This just happens to be a HUGE problem for me right now.  There was one more woman, the mother of my sons, who left me over 40 years ago.  I was married to her and she dissolved that bond.  She also passed away some 6 years ago.  I stopped feeling like I was married to her decades ago when she left.  Recently I made the statement that I was widowed twice which included NG.  One son understood what I was saying and was fine with it.  The other son lost it with anger at me for not including his mother in the list of deceased spouses.  It was a major faux pas on my part and has seriously damaged my relationship to my son.  He is minimizing my grief over NG by insisting that she was never my spouse but his mother was.

With my commitment to NG currently under attack I feel more married to her than ever.  The son who is so angry at me now is almost 50 years old and his mother has been gone over 6 years.  How long will he still feel that I should feel married to her?  That has to be the most fucked up question to ever pass through my keyboard.

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On 9/1/2019 at 7:07 PM, piecesofapart said:


How long did it take you to NOT feel married anymore?


I don't know, maybe 9 months or a year or so after T. died.


It's like anything else: Some do quickly, some never do and most of us are somewhere in between. 


Good luck, Mike 

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