Mcdc10

First Mother's Day without him and it is not easy. The Saturday before Mother's Day, the men in my church cook for the ladies and it was strange today not seeing DH serve his honey barbecue chicken wings. I know the men wanted me to feel special today because they knew it was hard for me. I took my sons to the store and gave them money so they could buy me gifts. My seven-year-old always want to pamper me just like his father used to do. I cried all this morning, angry that I can't have my special angel. It's been eight months and that pain is sometimes as sharp as the beginning months. For all you mothers who are trying, trying to put the pieces together and mend not only your heart but the hearts of your children, Happy Mother's Day to you. No one knows the pain that you are going through, the sacrifices upon sacrifices that you are making while dealing with the lost of your love one. Enjoy your much deserved day.

I come here because this is the place that truly understands my feelings. When my husband died I was searching for a forum to join. This seemed like the best forum for me. I was so appreciative when the New York City group met just because I was looking for widows/widowers to meet with. They were so kind and encouraging. We met in the city around December. They were further out than me, but they understand my pain. I realized I should post more because I have many thoughts in my head and they should be shared with people who have some common understanding. We grieve differently but one thing we have in common is the loss of a love one. I have posted and I thank those who have responded to my post. I will respond more and post more because we need each other. I know I need you.

I took care of my business very quickly. It is very important that you do this immediately. As we all know, we cannot predict the future. My son's godfather drew up the will. It was very detailed. I know who will be taking care of my children, if they are not alive I have a back up plan, and it's very detailed who will get the money. I sat down with a financial advisor first and discussed my financial options and ways to invest. I acquired more life insurance and most importantly disability insurance. Since I no longer have my DH, there's no one to take care of me in case of a disability. My will also states the ages my sons are to receive their money. It also states that they should speak with a financial advisor every time they receive money. They don't have to invest in anything but I want them to have a financial plan. I have two executor of state. It's best to protect your children as much as possible and you make the decisions for them. Otherwise, there will be individuals who are not looking into the child's best interest, making decisions for them.

Hi MelGibbs, I'm so sorry you are going through your pain. Please keep the faith you have. I'm 6 1/2 months out and my husband died unexpectedly. It's tough, but I'm able to make it through because of the faith I have in God. Don't beat yourself up if you are not strong or feel as if you are lost. You don't have to be strong. Use your support that is around you. You and the children can and will make it through. Just take it one step at a time. You can do this. I will keep you in my prayers.

Wow! I am absolutely amazed how you guys captured exactly what I'm feeling. Also, hearing from those who are many years out gives me hope for the future. Thank you everyone for the encouragement and not feeling as if I am alone and crazy. I was searching for a purpose and some grand feeling that I'm supposed to feel around six months. I know now more than ever after reading the responses that I need to take each day slowly and not to be too hard on myself. Right now, I have no idea who I am. I was two and now I am one. I don't even know what one is. I've always been a planner and always had a five-year plan. The unknown is very scary. But for now, I'll be in the present knowing that each smile, each laugh and each enjoyment is an accomplishment.

Thank you Mrs Reader I know we are trying our best. I just needed to get it off my chest. I was wondering if there were others out there who got worst around this time. The have been a big distraction but the shock has definitely wore off and this terrible reality has set in. I'm so sorry for your loss, keep being active. I will try to do the same.

First, let me start off saying I'm not suicidal but I feel as if I'm in limbo. I have two wonderful, young kids who I love so very much, but this is just getting too hard to bear. I was doing just fine until I came into the 5 1/2 month mark. I've taken care of most of the paperwork and dealt with planning for our "new normal." I thought when you get around the 6th month things will get better. Boy was I wrong! This just sucks!!! I looked and acted so strong, but reality is beginning to set in and it is not pretty. If I hear, "You're so strong", one more time, I think I'm going to scream. I hate being on this Earth. I hate to hear the ridiculous things people complain about. While many are up in arms about politics, I can care less. This Earth is not for me and I need a reason to be here besides my children. I need to know that it will get just a little better and this knife that I have in my heart would dissipate. In almost every aspect of my life, I'm a leader, which sucks even more because people depend on me, which drains the little energy I have left. Yes, I see a therapist and she has been helpful, and yes I'm a Christian who prays but I find myself wishing time would fly by so I can get out of this purgatory. Even though I have many people around me who love me, they just don't get it and I'm not one to complain or let out my feelings to just anyone. Earth feels like a prison sentence and I know I have to be here for my children, but I need another reason. Please someone, just give me a reason! Thanks for listening. (That felt good to let it out)

Okay here goes, -At my husband's death bed, someone says, "On a brighter note, I have sweet corn from my garden" I laughed inside because I knew my husband would be laughing too - Someone said, "I know what you are feeling, I got divorce, it's just like death" -My DH 30 year old nephew asked my then 13 year old son, "Do you have to sell your house?" Which made my son worry about loosing not only his father but his home. I had to reassure him that we will be alright and there will be no major changes. Sometimes I don't think people know what to say, so they say whatever pops up in their head.

Klaxl, Guilt is all part of this crazy process. I felt guilty and sometimes, after 3 1/2 months, I still do. I should have pushed him hard enough to go to the hospital. I left it up to him to know his body and I too was busy that night preparing for the first day of school, but he sat there and took the pain. He thought it was another one of his flare ups from chron's, but he was bleeding internally. He was going to go to the doctor in the morning. I asked him three times if he wanted to go and on the third time I decided to take him, but by that time it was too late. What made it worst was that long time ago I used to be a paramedic and I missed all the signs for internal bleeding. I didn't recognize the signs until the very end. I want to do that day over. I want to change those few hours, but no matter how much I want to go back, I can't. I was not in control of that situation and I believe it was God who was in control. This is bigger than me, however, I still feel the hurt but the guilt is decreasing. As for his family, shame on them. He was a grown man and he made his decision, jut like my husband made his decision to wait to go to the hospital. Stay strong and please don't beat yourself up. You deserve to be free from the chains of guilt.

Dear Trying, Tears as I read your post. Wow, that is exactly what I thought was going through my husband's head and the reason for not going to the hospital sooner. People just didn't get that. They didn't understand how he could take that much pain and not decide to go, however, he was living with Crohn's for 23 years and learned how to mentally block out the pain. When you live with a person with Crohn's disease you do not react the same way to pain like everyone else. Vomiting on occasion and other discomfort was normal. He never really expressed all his pain to me during our marriage. Occasionally, he would articulate his discomfort but on that day he chose to ride it out and was going to see the doctor that morning. I know he didn't want to leave us but I find comfort in knowing that he is no longer in pain. I worry about my sons because I know they are more at risk for Crohn's disease. I send hugs your way for your loss and I do pray your son's Crohn's will go in remission.

So sorry for your loss. We share a similar story. I'm around your age and my husband was 51 years old. He also died suddenly from a bleed. We have two children but it is a struggle. Stay strong. I am three months out and it's tough but I'm hopeful.

Thank you K-REBat for organizing this brunch. It was nice being around people that understand what this journey is like. Enjoyed the conversations, pizza and way too much candy.

Yes, I will be there! Thanks for setting this up.

That would be nice. I will contact you.

We will be sure to post here the next time we get together. We often get together for a Sunday Brunch in NJ, near NY. I'll put out some feelers and see if we can get something together. Thank you, that would be appreciated if you can update me. I really need to get together with people who understands what I'm going through.

I can't find any young widow groups in the New York City area. Anyone interested in getting together? I'm a new window in need of some time with individuals like me. Please let me know if you're interested . Would love to have lunch or dinner on the weekend.

Very sorry for your loss. Hugs and prayers for you.

Hi Kim, So sorry for your loss. My husband died 2 1/2 months ago he was 51 and I just turned 43. It has been one day at a time. I live in the NYC area too and I'm having difficulty finding a young widows group. I really wish there was a group in the area. I have a grief counselor, but I think a group will be very helpful. If you find a group in NYC please let me know, however, I wouldn't mind meeting and perhaps sharing stories about our loss when you are ready. Hugs to you.

Thank you everyone for your words. I'm taking it on breath, pray and cry at a time.

My husband died on September 10th and it has been an emotional roller coaster and a lot of "if onlys" He had Crohn's disease for 23 years and he and I thought it was just another flare up with usual pain, discomfort and vomitting. My husband thought it was gass and I dismissed it as him going through his regular. I was busy that day preparing for the first day of school. What we didn't know was his intestines had protruded and he was bleeding internally. He vomited into a black pail and I missed the signs of blood in the vomit. I finally told him I'm taking him to the hospital and everything went downhill from there. He died in front of my while EMS was present. They were able to bring him back, but he only lasted for 2 days, leaving me and my two children behind. One 7 and the other 13. I feel so guilty for not making him go to the hospital sooner. I feel like a fool. He was so loved. He had over 800 people at his funeral and he was honored at Yankee stadium. We were married for 18 years and his birthday was in October. This is hell on Earth. My heart is torn to pieces and I feel like this is a dream. You are the only ones that understand this pain. I'm glad I have a place to express my feelings.

It was my husband's first birthday a month after he passed away. I still sometimes think I'm dreaming. I have a young son and a teenager. This is an absolute nightmare. A sudden death, that we did not see coming. We took the boys out bowling the day before his birthday and began to talk about how he taught us how to bowl properly. It was raining that day, which made it worse, because on rainy days, I would snuggle up to him. On his birthday, I cooked his favorite meal and dessert. I have been a mess ever since his birthday. He was really a great guy! I miss him so much.