Leadfeather

It really is not a big deal for me at this point. I have enough free time that I do not mind rescheduling. I am going into these things with no expectations and that has made it less of an issue. And, I will be honest, the distance I am willing to travel and the number of times I am willing to reschedule is on a sliding scale in direct proportion to how attractive I find that person or at least find that persons photos since you know I have not actually met them.

Do other people often get last minute/hour/day cancellations for the M&Gs? Is it gender specific? Just curious because it seems to be a theme for me lately.

The one tonight was the realtor. She looked like her picture. It was a nice M&G after the drink I invited her to another restaurant for dinner. We had three hours of conversation and are going out again on Saturday. She canceled last time for a legit reason. But after the cancellation she started thinking about the other two dates she had had with men online where each of them misrepresented who they were and she became anxious about trying a third time. Which is why she went dark for a week before responding. She was very happy that I was honest about everything in my profile.

The third m&g has asked to reschedule a day in advance. Which breaks the graph. The second m&g had to cancel a second time. The first m&g has reconnected with me after a week of silence and we are meeting 10 minutes ago. She texted to say she is running late.

I agree 3 Day weekends are not easy these days. Last year over Memorial Day I took the boys to NYC for the weekend to show them a lot of the places my wife and I enjoyed. We visited the city off on 6 or 8 times during our marriage. I didn't know it was Fleet Week, it was a nice experience for all of us. Although they tapped out early each evening and left me on my own walking the city alone. This last weekend I played around with buying a ticket last minute and just going there on my own to get away. But I ended up staying home and taking some long afternoon bike rides in 90+ heat to clear my head and stabilize my mood. Making the life from scratch is challenging. But it also means I can remake myself to be the best me I can. Listening to a Travis McGee novel today and this gem popped out at me. "Life is so damn valuable and so totally miraculous and they give you such a stingy little hunk of it from womb to tomb you ought to use all the parts of it there are." So that is my goal going forward using all the parts of it there are.

Thanks Wheelerswife, while school was still in session I contacted the Dean of Students office and an assistant Dean of Students met with him twice. Once to give advice and the second time to follow up. So they are aware and very helpful. When he enrolls next semester he will be in a special one credit class that helps connect the students to aids that the school offers. Additionally there is grief counseling offered by the school. Currently he has started taking medication which should start helping in a few weeks. He is also going to counselling here over the summer. And he has been working on eating healthier and doing some bike riding and walking. He is motivated to stay at that school so I am hopeful. Matthew

I am fine with them being merged. If it is not to much trouble for the mods to do so.

This one is about a decade out but one of my favorites as it captures both of their personalities so well.

Had a m&g scheduled for Friday. She canceled an hour before and I have not heard back from her. Had another m&g scheduled for tonight. This one canceled a half hour before. If I extrapolate it out the third one should cancel as I get to the venue. And I should meet the 4th one because she will not cancel until a half hour after we meet. 😛

Praying

Rambling. I miss having her as a partner, someone who could help me make decisions. And I have noticed the absence of her wisdom and council a lot the last two weeks. My youngest returned from college. He suffered from depression during the last semester and did not reach out for help so is now on academic probation. He has been to the doctor. Is now on medication for depression and has had his first visit with a counselor. We will see how the meds help after a few weeks. He liked the counseling session. Hopefully he will get enough help this summer to make getting off probation possible as he really likes the school and has the ability to do the work. In addition I set up a haircut, dentist visit, and dermatologist visit for him as well. All stuff his mother always did. He should be looking for work, but is only applying to one or at most two places a day. Not really up for pushing him at this point but I wish he would find something. My oldest is moving out at the end of the summer. He has a good job lined up with the employer he interned with and will be making a very good salary. Has a plan in place for housing and a used car. His mother always talked about this time and how she would take him to IKEA to get his household set up. That is a trip I am not sure I want to make for a number of reasons. I am going to have to see. I had lined up things to do this weekend. A date on Friday, Friends mountain biking on Saturday morning, visiting my wife's best friend Saturday night. Another date tonight. All of them got cancelled for one reason or another. It is fine, but I miss knowing there was always someone who wanted to spend time together with me. I ended up shopping for apartments on Saturday. It was strange to be looking at housing without her with me. She was always the one who loved spaces. Watched HGTV. Wanted to be an architect. Loved interior design. Now I am looking alone. I am considering getting an apartment at the end of the summer then prepping the house for sale. I own it outright so will not have a mortgage payment and rent and I do not want the stress of having to move and sell it in a short time frame. I have planned another bike ride. This one alone and self contained about 350 miles over a week from Houghton Mi to Milwaukee where I will meet from friends for a Brew Fest. Bike touring was something we were planning on doing a lot more of together. I have spent the rest of the weekend purging, selling, and packing things away. There is always so much after 25 years together in the same house. This is the kind of rambling talk I would have had with her. Thanks for listening. Matthew

Debates are good. They rarely change minds but they help people clarify what they believe.

This topic might already exist if so I apologize for starting it again. But share a picture or video of your missing loved one here. Below is a link to my wife. A video I shot a month before she died. https://m.youtube.com/watch?feature=share&v=stTTBjJtZQY

It is not indicative of some other unknown character flaw. It is the character flaw. It is up to each individual to decide what is worth over looking and what is not. Trust for me is the bedrock of a relationship. I chose not to date someone who from the start is less than honest with me about something so trivial because it reveals something about their character. As an aside, I do not approach the bulk of humanity distrustful. I trust, until proven otherwise.

I know this feeling exactly. Both my sons are home for the last time this summer. Then they will be moving out. My wife and I planned on traveling a lot more and rediscovering ourselves as a couple. Now I have to reinvent myself as a single.

I agree with Love2fish, one is an omission of a fact, the other is a deliberate lie. They are not the same thing.

and. . . I have a M&G with a realtor this Friday. 😉

That is a whole generation. In 24 years I could have raised a child and become a grandparent.

There are some areas where I am ok with a lie, there are other I am not. If I lie to spare someones feelings the reason behind the lie is in my opinion fundamentally different than if I lie to make myself look better. Being lied to by a person with whom I am trying to form a deep an lasting relationship, or lying to that same person is a place I am not willing to compromise.

In my opinion, and only my opinion. If he is willing to lie about x he is willing to lie about y. Trust is important in a long lasting relationship, and this would be a strike against him in my book. If you want to continue to see him I would ask point blank why he did it and then judge if his answer is good enough to let you keep seeing him.

Spend a good portion of Mother's Day sorting and purging with Netflix on in the background. One more bin of recycling full. 4 bins ready to be taken to good will, and a trash can filled. Knowing that I am going to move this Fall from a 5 bedroom house to a 2 bedroom apartment has made the process of sorting what to keep and what to lose much more imperative. Which also makes things simpler. All of her and my yearbooks. Gone. All of our family photos. Kept. Extra lampshades and picture frames she had purchased and never used. Donated. It is bittersweet to go through the accumulated stuff of a loved ones life, a lot of memories come back.

Thank you for the work done to keep this place running, it has been very helpful for me.

I am struggling with the same issue today. My sons are young adults but I feel so sad for them today as they move through a world without that nurturing presence. Often when I am struggling I start searching the internet for people who have written about the topic I am dealing with. This article I found this morning helped me process some of my feelings. Please note I am a Christian (not always a great one and I am still pretty mad at God) but that is the worldview I am coming from when I read this. http://amysimpson.com/2013/05/mother-to-the-motherless/

I will consider it. I am not really the kamikaze type.

Thanks everyone. Back to online dating and the joy of being ignored by the woman I am attracted to and pursued by the women I am not attracted to. . .