PhotoJunkie

Big hugs!! Big big hugs!!! Im sorry he doesn't seem to understand what he is doing and how it affects hose around him. I don't even know where to start with my vent lets just say my first two weeks here in MO have been very interesting and enlightening.

So I finally made the big move to be with my daughter. Ive been here two weeks. The original plan was to stay at one of those extended stay hotel types, till I could get a house. My house in CA has not sold at this point. After speaking with a loan person, it is possible they will let me purchase a home without it selling due to my credit, ability to handle a down payment, but I have to have a full time job. The vast majority of my stuff is in storage crates. I am currently in a very tiny one room with a kitchenette, with two cats, a very old pug (who may be put down later this week depending on what the vet says about his back legs not working) and for the last two weeks a teenager. Housing market here is ridiculously hot. Houses are selling in days Im confined to a specific school zone here so I would have to purchase a house in my daughters high school zone and no where else. That is the hot zone. Everyone wants to be in that school district apparently and if your kids go to that school you have to be within the zone. No going to which ever school you want here. Apartments have their own issues. My sister is pushing hard for me to get one in her complex. They are nice apartments and accept pets which is a plus. They are a bit more than I want to pay at this time however. My sisters husbands company pays for theirs while they are still trying to sell their house in another state (been almost 2 years) I wouldn't need as big of an apartment as she has, but still the size I need is higher than I wanted. (much higher than a mortgage too) The good thing would be that the girls bus drops her off there anyway. However, I still don't have any signs that my sister is going to be willing to help me with her unless the girl stays with her 5 days a week and I get her on weekends (soooo not going there right now) I don't like living in an apartment. It makes me claustrophobic. I don't like hearing people move around at all hours and IM sure they don't like hearing me. I can't get a promise that I won't have smoking neighbors, which is a big deal because Im very very sensitive. Im a hermit and a night shifter by habit so that plays into it. Also since my husband died, I have become a bit moe paranoid than is necessary due to events that have happened. So living surrounded by people is not something I like. If I get an apartment, I will have to get a minimum year lease as thats the most cost effective. To get a house, I will have to stay here in this place for another 2 months minimum. I have to have a letter from an employer before they will pre approve me and I have to have a minimum 30 days pay checks before we would close. With the housing market so hot right now, I would be pressured into picking the first one that becomes available, or end up staying here much longer than anticipated. The girl is done with high school in two years and who knows whats going to happen after that. Do I want to be stuck in that same school zone once she's gone? I don't know. haven't been here long enough. At the extended stay I pay no utilities, wifi or tv. But I have limited access to the tv channels and the wifi is very very slow. Its a tiny tiny room and I am having a hard time with each passing day. They smoke all over this building. The hall ways are not clean and people do not clean up after their pets. Ive been very strict on making sure I do but apparently Im in the minority. I just don't know what to do. I miss my bed. I miss my couch. I miss having an area to spread out and play games with the girl without having to depend on my sisters house to do so. Given that I moved so much in the last 3 years, the apartment might be the smarter option right now. I hate this. All that runs through my head is "if he was here now, this wouldn't be an issue." or at least I would have someone to bounce it off of. So I pick you guys. Sorry but your stuck being my sounding board and pointing out things I might not be thinking of. I did have a job interview today We will see if they hire me or not. I am open to all ideas at this point. So feel free to weight in.

I don't agree that they behave this way because they are allowed to get away with it. My daughter did a lot of what Carey is describing. Nothing of mine was respected. She felt it was okay to do whatever she wanted with whatever she wanted to the point of breaking into my room, breaking into locked containers, hacking the computer system when I would change the password to keep her out. No amount of punishments seemed to work or get through to her that her behavior was not acceptable. She took advantage of the fact I had to work more hours now that her dad was gone and instead of being responsible she used the time to do things that were unacceptable. She knew it. When she got busted at school for her behavior and had to be packed up and moved several states away in a fast manner, I think thats when it hit her. She is now with my sister (issues not withstanding) and is watched 24/7. No cell phone, no computer access unless heavily guarded and my sister and BIL are all over her. This is not a solution that everyone has access too however. My daughter would also pull the daddy card and I would constantly repeat, yes losing your dad sucks the big one but it is NEVER an excuse for bad behavior and mistreating others. I was so stressed out all the time from having to live in what I considered a prison. I couldn't leave my room without having to lock everything up, if I wanted to keep something special, it had to be locked up. It was very frustrating and hard to deal with on top of everything else. Honestly I would cancel their phones. They aren't a necessity at this point and they haven't proven they deserve them. plus it saves you money If your like me and like them to have them so that if they have a school thing etc, knock them down to the bare basic phones and confiscate them when they are home. I am very sorry you are dealing with their nasty behavior on top of everything else Big Big hugs!!!

Carey Im sending you lots of hugs. I feel your frustration and know it well as my daughter was acting the same not that long ago. Im so sorry that your kids are disrespectful and continue to hurt you to make themselves feel better. Kids are selfish creatures a lot of the time and don't realize they are hurting their parents. As much as I hate to recommend this, you need to get a deadbolt for your door and put everything in there and keep it locked. Its a sucky way to live as i have lived it, but if it keeps you from having your money stolen so that you can pay your bills and get groceries, then you have to do it. This is not how parents should have to live with their children but sometimes its what is necessary for the short term (feel free to pm me if you want more info) I go through days where Im convinced (and really still am) that I could disappear off the planet and nobody would even notice. Its a hard concept to battle when your fighting with grief and stress etc. I am so very sorry you find your self in this dark place. just know you are not alone there. There are plenty of us down there in the dark with you. We just need some flashlights to find each other (corny I know but its what I have at the moment)

Follow up with the manager and find out how they want you to handle a visit with a doctor to make sure nothing else was hurt. They may have a physician you see or they may reimburse you for seeing your own. Since the injuries happened under their roof at the hands of their employee, they are responsible and you should be checked out by a physician. I sliced my foot open with a cart from Walmart (wearing flip-flops) They were all over me trying to help and offer assistance, medical attention etc. They would much rather deal with it now than a law suit later.

Big hugs mom!! I love those photos. Im glad that you were able to find peace in the middle of what must be an emotional roller coaster.

Carey that is a great idea too

Okay that being trapped in a room full with a zombie is AWESOME!!!

and I tried really hard to ignore it till I got a text from my mom asking me what I wanted for my birthday. (no i won't be telling anyone when it is) The man and I had big plans for my 40th. His would have been just a few months after mine. I had been looking forward to this birthday for a very very long time and now....not so much. I kinda want to do something but what? I just happen to have enough points for a plane ticket almost anywhere in the lower 48, I have a few free hotel nights racked up, I also happen to have enough Disney Points for 2 or 3 day park hopper in CA with points left over to shop. But going to Disney alone isn't any fun. I asked a few friends and family if they could go but they can't. So now Im sitting here trying to figure out what I want to do. The girl is in school and can't miss any days right now. The boy isn't returning my text messages. Im thinking I want to get away for the weekend rather than sitting at home in this empty house feeling sorry for myself. At least I can feel sorry for myself in a hotel room with a hot tub I already did my dream trip to DC and a weekend isn't worth going there for. Anything big and exciting going on in your neck of the woods that might be fun??? Like a rare Jon Bon Jovi appearance/concert??

ohhhh Justin that is fabulous!!!!!!! I don't need to sleep tonight

sooo not an ass you actually have the right idea...if I do now, then I can't give myself an excuse not to do it tomorrow and I really HAVE to do it tomorrow. So groceries it is and maybe a coloring book. Spent the day on the internet and my scrapbook community has been talking about coloring books for adults and Im in love with it. But knowing this small town, I won't be able to find it ;P at least I will eat well tonight.

Thanks Im exhausted. I still have to get through the garage but I can't seem to move from my folding chair in the living room. I can start the garage tomorrow Trying to decide if its worth the energy to go get groceries today or not.

Realtor put it on the market today. I still have the garage to finish up but its been deemed worthy to show. There was already one couple who came by today to see it. They have been wanting to see it for 2 weeks now. So here goes the roller coaster ride. Im flat exhausted. hoping to get the garage done by the end of the week and then sleep for three days straight!

Helen all I can do is hug you from here and hope you feel it. you and I have talked before about being on similar timelines and similar feelings so Im right there with you. But I am hugging you!!!!!!! (wishing I had better advice to give)

I just want to say thank you for the warnings for this show. I actually am a huge fan of the show, even though I do tire of all the massive medical drama that happens to these people on a regular basis. This week I have been struggling with my own demons and flashbacks to our accident that killed my husband almost 3 years ago. I think I will put this episode aside for a while. Kinda sucks as I love the show, but I don't think I can handle any more triggers this week. Hugs to each and every one of you!!

Im in chat. Hiding from the cleaning ladies and can't figure out what to move out next Come distract me

This morning I feel better Thank you to everyone who posted on that thread. I had my bad day, watched a few movies, vented to a few friends, hung out in chat and just didn't do a darn thing. This morning I woke up early got a few things done, made a dinner date with a close friend for this weekend and the realtor stopped by. During our conversation he said that there is already a couple that wants to see the house. They want to see it now but he convinced them to wait a week so we have a chance to get it pretty. They agreed to wait but only if he agreed not to show it to anyone else. Now I realize that the odds of them purchasing the house is low, but the idea that someone is that impatient to see it is just the kind of silver lining I needed this week. Im going to treat myself to a movie with my free movie ticket and then just keep moving boxes to the garage. Every little bit I can move up to the garage will help in the long run. I also made up a plan for the time I have to be here at the house while it sells. So letting myself have the bad day was way more productive than fighting it.

Maureen if you feel uncomfortable getting rid of them, any of the Michaels, Joanns etc have these really nice Containers (for lack of a better word) that would keep them safe but also kind of out of sight out of mind type thing. I have all the cards etc in a container like this. someone got it during the first few days and Im grateful. I know they are there if I ever want to look through them, but I don't have to see them if I don't want to if that makes sense. It looks like a big book, but is hollow inside. Another poster mentioned them earlier too. Im not really sure what I would do with them either and Im sorry that your having to even think about it Big Hugs.

Im just overwhelmed with everything going on. There isn't anything anyone can do to help either so its not like I can ask for relief from the pressure. Im trying to move to be with my daughter. having major issues with my sister and her husband in this regard. Had a family counseling session last week that to me didn't help anything and Ive been in a bad place since. The movers were supposed to be here Monday to get most of my belongings out of here. They cancelled two hours after they were supposed to be here. The house is in absolute Chaos and I can't do anything until all this stuff is out and can see what is left. I don't live well in chaos and there is no end to it. Ive had more strangers in my home, looking at my things than I am comfortable with. To the point of panic attacks, which is completely stupid but yet here I am. There is no end to it as the movers will be coming at some point and they will actually touch my stuff The house was supposed to be on the market this week but because of the movers, we have no hope of getting it on the market this week, and the pest inspection found that my porch is rotted (nobody can figure out why my pest inspection didn't find it as they all believe this is a long term problem and was there before I bought it) and before anyone asks no there is no recourse that we can find. Not that I have time to look. So the entire front porch has to be replaced before I can sell. Per the county assessors office the square footage is off and we had to have them come out and officially measure, which they did, and Im now 350 sq feet smaller than when I purchased. My sister took my daughter prom dress shopping this week and nobody thought to include me, even though I specifically asked to be included. My daughter has never been to prom much less wanted to wear a dress. I wanted to be a small part of that but I was forgotten. And all this comes with that stupid thought in the back of my head that if he wasn't dead, I wouldn't be here right now. I wouldn't be dealing with all this crap, my sister wouldn't have my child and so forth and so on. For the first time in three years Im going to admit that yes I do need a man sometimes. Much as I love snuggling with my Wid friends in chat , a real man is much better I just need one of those big manly hug things to reset. Does anyone know if Jon Bon Jovi is available for kidnapping and cuddling? I promise to return him

All his work gear. in all fairness its not like you can donate police gear I did manage to give away or donate his hunting gear finally, but I cannot part with his work gear. It hung in my closet for 15+ years that he was an officer, I can't imagine it not being in my closet

This is something I have noticed in my friends and family circle of late (not here). If I or someone mentions having a bad day, everyone is always "oh it can't be that bad." or "keep positive....it will all turn out for the best." or any other number of ridiculously keep the faith type comments. My question is why can't I have a bad day? This week every day I wake up saying, "Okay today till be better. Today we will get answers and solutions to the major problems I have been dealing with." Except that as the day goes one, the news gets darker, bleaker, more expensive, or no answers to the problem at hand. How many days do I have to keep doing this before Im allowed to just have a damn bad day. How many days in a row of bad news, negative feelings, problems etc without any real solutions or silver linings does it take before Im allowed to just say fuck it, Im throwing a damn pity party? How hard is it to answer back to me with "you are having a bad day. Lets get ice cream? " or something like that, instead of the fake positivity of those who don't have a damn clue what it is like to be me. I try to keep positive, I really do. But some days there is no positive. Im not talking living in negativity and darkness for days, weeks, months etc. Just one day can I be allowed to feel the bad day and the pressure without forcing myself to fight it and "think positive"?? Vent over. Thanks for listening

There are two of us in there at the moment...Rob and I.

I have no sage advice as I am not religious and don't quite understand the whole confirmation thing. I do however have tons of experience in the wacky world of teenagers where nothing ever seems to be easy. I just wanted to send you lots of hugs as I know this issue weighs heavily on your heart.

Thank you everyone. I am looking at options given and liked what I found on the care.com site. They even had options for college students. I will be looking at them more closely once I understand what I will be doing. I am going to plan as if I don't have family in the area to fall back on at this point. Seems like every time I try to rely on family they bail out and I'm left stranded. There is a thought burning in the back of my head and Im not sure quite how to get it to a point where I can tell if it will actually work, but it is possible that with my husbands small retirement stipend and with getting the girls social security check back when I move, its possible that if Im VERY VERY careful with money, I could take two years off from working and go to school for my masters degree in nursing. I would be home with the girl every day after school, wouldn't need a full time caregiver for her, not end up being stuck in a job I hate that does nothing for where I want to end up. However, it would mean a completely different way of how we live. Things like movies, iTunes, amazon/kindle, fun trips, eating out etc would all be very rare treats at that point. The houses are much cheaper there, food prices are much cheaper there, and Im not driving 2 hours a day in a gas guzzling truck. insurance/registration are all much cheaper (I've checked lol) I could keep my nursing license current because they don't require continuing education points, you just pay the renewal fee and off you go. I would still have to keep internet for school etc, but we could live without cable etc. I only need to watch football now that I have netflix Like I said, its an idea percolating at the moment. Downsides? I would have to stay here until this house sells. which seems like it might not take much to do. That way Im not floating two house payments on this idea. I might have to rent as opposed to purchasing a home, which at that point I would look into a Condo since I found them to be within the payment I wanted to be around with a house. Right now mortgage companies are requiring a letter of employment before letting me close on a home out there, but that was before we figured I would have the social security check back. I know Im babbling at this point but it helps me to get ideas out on paper to see it in a somewhat organized form. I would love to hear any ideas on if this is a good plan or not lol. Thanks so much guys! It helps to have back up

As it turns out my sister is now saying she will not be able to help me with "babysitting" issues with my daughter. The hope was that she and her husband would be able to keep my daughter during the three days a week I have to work 12 hour shifts. After todays counseling session, she made it very clear she would not be willing to do so. So now I have to look into some kind of back up plan to have someone stay with my daughter on the three days( actually nights) I work. I know nobody in the area other than my sister. I have not lived there before and won't have enough time to make contacts etc with other mothers for a while. Has anyone here had to use a non family member/non friend to help provide supervision for their kids while at work? How do you go about finding people like this? Im a nurse so my shifts are nights, 12 hours 3 days a week. My sister did say she could cover some but refused to give a specific answer as to how much. She seems to think this is something we decide on a day to day basis and that isn't doable. I can't just call in to work if my sister decides she can't help that day. any ideas would be fabulous. Thank you Lynn