PhotoJunkie

Ive been here with my daughter now for almost 3 months. Its been quite a change for both of us. She is more willing to help out around the house, more willing to be touchy feeling, more open with the I love yous. While there are still moments, we all have them so they aren't as intense as they used to be. For myself, I find I have more patience when the attitude and issues rise. Im more willing to walk away and take a break for myself rather than get up in her world and antagonize everything. She wants me to meet her friends, has asked if I can go with her to the first day of school so she can show me around, has asked me to stay for events with the school when other parents are expected to leave (by their kids) etc. She makes me feel like she really wants to hang out with me and be with me where as before we could barely tolerate each other. She is handling the split homes better than the adults appear to be. She does choose to be with me more than there when the choice is hers. We haven't started the school year yet etc so time will tell what happens when it gets super busy. I have tried to take time to do fun things with her as opposed to just staying at home. Not working crazy super long hours has helped. We are talking about getting a house and she seems open to the idea, which takes us out of the apartment complex my sister is in. I thought I would give an update since you guys have had to listen to all the frustrating vents over the years Im hesitantly optimistic

Sunday is the three year mark of the accident that changed my life in ways I never imagined. You have all been there and watched the crash and burn so I don't need to repeat a lot of it here. Its been a rough week. My FIL's 4 year mark was the 19th. Im stressed to the max in my new living place, dealing with my sister/daughter issues, starting a new job that is stressful etc. I get my daughter this weekend and we have been trying to keep it upbeat and both of us are failing. We went to the mall tonight, had planned to do six flags theme park tomorrow and then hunker down on Sunday. But while at the mall I got a phone call from someone very important in my life. I call her mom, even though biologically she isn't mine. This woman and her husband adopted me of sorts many years ago. When my dad couldn't pay the school bill on the private school he insisted I attend, they stepped up and paid the bill quietly. I only found out by accident and Im not supposed to know. When at the age of 18 I became pregnant, they didn't judge. She gave me a job in her Kindergarten room and took me out shopping for all the things she thought I would need. It wasn't a cheap trip either. She bought the outfit my child came home from the hospital in and several years later she bought the one my daughter came home in. When my son was delivered the nurses asked if she was family and she replied, Well she calls me mom.....and I do. When the man and I got married several months after our son was born, she helped me plan. She went behind my back and upgraded the decorations from the ones I could afford to the ones I wanted. She surprised me with them the day of. My wedding was absolutely beautiful thanks to her. Her husband was willing to step in as the father role as well when the family dynamics went to hell in a hand basket. Their son and my husband were best friends from kindergarten on. He is known as my boyfriend and even his wife plays along. So Im sure you can guess where this is going. She has stage 3 Pancreatic cancer, currently asymptomatic. It was found during a routine screening for something else. Im devastated. Im angry. Im sad. Im overwhelmed but most of all I am 100% completely jealous of her. I would take this from her if I could so that I could join my husband. Im tired. IM oh so tired of pretending IM getting better. Im tired of fighting the universe for a single scrap of happy. My son doesn't need me and has flat out said he doesn't want me in his life. My daughter is thriving with my sister. And I am here. In the dark. Getting ready to lose yet another person who I love and adore and watch a dear friend go down the dark rabbit hole of grief. He has a wife to support him and good family though. I don't. Ive lost all touch with any mutual friends we had and anyone he worked with. My sister and I's relationship has hit an all time low. Im tired. I want her cancer. I want an excuse to look at the world and say I can legitimately give up now. I choose quality over quantity. But I can't. Im stuck with quantity. She didn't want to tell me this weekend as she is well aware what this weekend means to me. Unfortunately word got out and she was afraid it would be posted on Facebook before she could tell the important people. (damn Facebook and people who can't help but run and be the first to share things that should remain private) My daughter is very sad. She's trying not to because she's afraid it will bring me further so now we are seriously back to the beginning. Im over this life. Just over it. Every time I try to change it for the positive something sling shots it back to darkness. Im tired. I don't want to keep fighting anymore.

Im staying "single" for the rest of my life. After spending the vast majority of a year all by myself in a remote location, I have moved to a huge city and within walking distance of my sister (against my better judgement but in the best interest of the girl) If I go over to my sister's, i can bet the farm Im staying all day/night till I come home to sleep and will get nothing accomplished. So I have learned to start saying no. She doesn't come here when invited. My mom spends half her year in Canada and half in Florida. Until about 2 weeks ago, she has maintained Canadian citizenship only. Two weeks ago she was sworn in as a citizen but she has to stay till her passport is cleared. As all their friends in Florida have gone back up to Canada, she was very lonely. So my sister invites her to stay up here. The original plan was that my daughter would stay with me till next week and mom with my sister. Then swap. Nope, I end up with my mom 24/7, including her holy days in which I can't listen to music, watch tv etc. I respect her religious days but ugh. Especially when I asked my sister to keep her the last saturday in the afternoon so I could get some things done. instead she sends my mom back to me to take a nap....while her family gets to enjoy tv, music and getting their chores done. This week I have a heavy duty orientation. Every day I come home with my brain fried, tired from working hours Im not used to, feeling rather stupid next to the other nurses in the room etc. I find lights left on, dishes everywhere, food left on counters, etc. They were out all day shopping. The first day of orientation I had a massive migraine. I texted everyone to let them know I was on my way home with a migraine. My mom waits till I have been home an hour or so (in complete darkness and no sound) to come home and do her laundry, pretend to worry about dishes, (banging them together, stacking them on the counter) turning on all the lights etc. and can't understand why Im crabby. She could have done these things while I was gone. Every night they expect me to make a full blown dinner while they sat on the couch. Last night I convinced family to go out to dinner except it took them over 90 minutes to get there so we didn't get home till after 730pm....I still have to get ready for work etc. Today my mom has been all over me about every little thing. Its driving me crazy. I love my mom. I love my kid (who gets a pass because she came down with the flu today and is super sick) but seriously. you can't see what needs to be done and help out? your so helpless that I have to think of everything and do it for you? Mom is huffy that the house isn't clean. Im gone for 12 hours a day by the time you count the commute....she is home all day doing nothing. The house wouldn't be so messy if you would just pick up after your self. Im not asking you to take care of the things I make a mess of, just the stuff you do during the day. Ive turned into the parent!!!! its very frustrating. Im glad she is here because there is someone to watch the girl tomorrow night through Sunday Night. My sister and her husband are leaving to go to another state to finish up work on their house they are trying to sell. The girl has the flu so she has to stay home and I have mandatory, can't miss Orientation through Friday. however, I don't have enough beds for everyone and no way my sick baby is going to sleep on the couch. So Im sleeping on the couch starting tomorrow night while my mom and my daughter use the beds. My mom could go stay at my sisters, but she gets huffy about it and doesn't want to be by herself. But she isn't willing to give up her bed (which is really my daughters). If this wasn't during my stressful orientation, it wouldn't bother me so much but I feel like I leave one work to come home to another. And when I mention needing help etc, I get those looks like how dare you expect us to help or the "well I don't know where you put things." Ummmm I just moved....I myself don't know where I put things. I open cupboards and closets till I figure it out. Its not that large of a place. Just letting off some steam. I only have two more days this week for orientation. I don't know my schedule for next week as my supervisor is on vacation till Friday. I just hope I don't have what the girl has. It all started with a sore throat......and guess who has one now?? *sigh* can someone please send me Bon Jovi for stress relief or find a way to return my husband, but Im guessing my odds are better with Jon Bon. *sigh*

Please for the love of all that is breathing, do not get into a fight with your husband, leave the house in a huff with both car seats for the littles, and putting my daughter in a position where she feels it necessary to call/text me and ask me to get the remaining adult out of the house due to bad attitudes and her feeling scared for the littles. Seriously now. Grow up and be adults. Also if I do all the cooking and most of the cleaning, please feel free to clean up after yourselves while I am at work instead of letting me come home to find all the dishes in the sink, crumbs all over the counters, living room pillows all over the floor and all the lights in the apartment are on, but you guys are no where to be found. Thank you very much

Its a 2011 Dodge Challenger SRT8 in Green with black racing stripes. (Green with Envy is the official color) The man and his friends worked on old muscle cars in high school. Unfortunately he was a Ford guy and I fell in love with Mopar The boy has the 67 Mustang his dad was restoring when he was killed. The Challenger is much cheaper than my super dream car which is a 71/72 Cuda with a hemi. Those puppies are way more than I will ever be able to afford and Im not mechanically inclined to restoring one isn't something I want to do When the new mustangs were released, the Man refused to drive one because he knew he would buy one. I did get him a rental for fathers day but it was 6 cylinder and not as tempting. His father then purchased a 2007 that was beautiful. When his father's cancer returned, he sold the car to the man. After our accident, the car was pretty useless and unpractical. I ended up selling it to a wonderful couple. The husband was so thrilled he turned it on and called his son to listen to the engine The wife sent me photos for the first few months because she knew how much that car meant to me. If I go down and get in this car, I will purchase it. So Im trying very hard not to go get it. Luckily the next few days will keep me very busy so all I will do is drool It is not an impractical car now as Im down two children and no more dogs. Plus i have the truck if I need to do any moving or hauling of anything. thats not to say in a month or so if its still there, and everything else has settled down and rearranged itself that I won't go look at it I just don't need to do it right now.

The car won't happen as much as I dream it will. I don't know a reliable mechanic in this area yet. I have to get other things finished first like the house sold, my work schedules sorted out etc. I live in an apartment and if I got a car like that, I want a garage to keep her in. I used to do other things like camping, fishing, taking my quad into mud puddles for hours to make me feel better, however all of that went away when my husband was killed in our accident. Since then those items are not available to me anymore and this is how I started coping. I don't over spend, I fight the urge to do the dangerous spending and so far have done quite well. As for Debt, mine is very minimal in comparison and will be gone once my house sells. But thanks for the ideas. There are a few things left on my bucket list and this car is one of them, so buying it, for me, would be living my life. I also want to learn to scuba dive and do underwater photography. Unfortunately those take a whole lot more time than just going down and buying the dream car. But they are on the list and Im hoping to start on those projects sometime in the next year.

Big Big hugs to you!!! 15 days from now marks 4 years my FIL has been gone from us and in 22 days will be the third year mark of our accident that took my husband. I HATE this month. The fireworks make it worse. Im sorry your struggling. I wish I could hug you in person and make the month go away all together for both of us.

Honestly sometimes the best and only appropriate response is to send hugs to a person. If someone, who is usually the most upbeat positive person I know, is having a hard day and coming to a place to vent about it, why should we ignore it or try to make them more positive? (does that make sense?? I keep reading the sentence and think Ive lost my mind) Why do we as humans feel the need to constantly be positive instead of just understanding that someone as reached their limit for the day. They are tired. They have had to smile and nod every time someone (who hasn't been in their shoes) tries to inject rays of sunshine into their world when really all they want/need is someone to say.....Im so sorry. Let me hug you while we pity party together. As much as i cringe to say this: Pixar just released a movie that hits the nail on the head with this discussion. Its not my favorite movie of all time and I probably won't watch it again but I think everyone needs to see it once to understand that Joy/Positivity is not always appropriate. It is okay to embrace other emotions. My friend came here to this place to just vent a little steam and instead of understanding she was met with people trying to put a positive spin on things. I recently blew up at people for the same thing. I just wanted to have someone understand why a certain comment was rubbing me the wrong way that day....instead I was told I should be grateful, things could be worse, the grass is greener, I just need to be more positive etc. ugh. It gets old after a while having your feelings dismissed because they aren't positive enough for everyone else. Meanwhile, I bought some rum and Sarah and I are going to have a pity party. Everyone is invited

Every July and September for the last three years this happens. I get attacked by the shopping monster. I want to spend money and to hell with the consequences. Of course this year is complicated by the fact I had a huge CC bill for the move, which is waiting to be paid off once the house sells (which ironically was delayed another two weeks). I wont start getting a regular paycheck for a few weeks due to orientation, training, and some classes they want me to take. Its not little things, although I find myself spending more on little things I don't need to combat the huge urge to purchase the heavy duty pricey items. But this year its a dream. Ive had this dream forever and the man promised it to me. A long long time ago, in a galaxy far far away, a little car manufacturer built a remake of my favorite models of cars. Then for ONE year only, they offered a special color for this car. Every few months for at least 5 if not more years, I search for this particular gem of a vehicle. I find them, but they are always high mileage, not a manual transmission or very very far away. The man would laugh and tell me to have patience. One would show up and we would look into it seriously, until then I drove his very inferior ford Mustang GT with the v8 engine Well as you can probably guess, I found one. It has only two owners. The mileage is only at 37k and the car is a 2011. Its the right color and right transmission. Per car fax it has had all its maintenance done on time etc. BUT BUT BUT see paragraph one.....AND per car fax it has had two accidents (not noted if it was major or not) that involved front end damage and front/rear end damage. No salvage or rebuilt title on it. Ive never bought a used car by myself. The man and his dad were the kings and we women just let them do it saved us the headache. I DO NOT NEED A CAR. My truck is awesome sauce and I still use the daylights out of her. I do not like parking her sometimes and the parking garages here make me super nervous Im going to take her roof off, but she's amazing and I won't trade her in. Anyway this post isn't to convince myself to purchase or NOT to purchase this car. I have not gone to see it. I have not taken a test drive. I was hoping that maybe others would understand the shopping monster especially when linked to emotional times? (or maybe someone could maybe say its okay to buy my dream car **evil grin**)

mine is from last night as we are just getting to the start of our day (we slept in) but I have been snuggling on the couch or in bed with my daughter on a regular basis. We pick a movie to watch and we snuggle. Full on touching, which has been something that has been severely missing in the last few years between us. It doesn't matter what we have done that day, we snuggle in the evening. I might make this an unofficial rule from now on. It just fills my heart when we snuggle.

I will follow through with my ninja like shin kicking skills.

Ive been juggling this in my brain all day and it finally hit me, mostly in part to your post SVS I need to stop trying to force my sister into my expectations of what she SHOULD do and accept I can't change her but I can change what I can do. I have come too far to let this all fall apart now. My daughter and I are spending time together and doing well so far. Nothing is perfect and I am not expecting perfection so thats good We have had a few tiffs as expected but have both handled them differently than we would have a year ago. I think this is excellent progress. I need to accept that between now and January 1st, I will still be just a "visitor" in my daughters life while we adjust and get things settled. I have had issues in my past with abusive people and I am very very picky as to who watches my child etc. so my vetting processes to find someone who could stay here with us at night will be longer than average. before I can even hire anyone, I have to have a set schedule. So I just need to accept that I will not be the primary right now and act accordingly. A slow reentry time is probably better for both sides as well. I also need to remind myself that I do know what I am doing. I have been a parent for 21+ years. That hasn't changed. I need to stop allowing myself to be pushed around or second guessing what I know. I also have to stop acting like other people run my life. They do not. I do. I have been acting like I have no choices and that everyone else is dictating my life. This is not true and I need to battle my way out of that thinking. Thank you for taking the time to respond to the novel I posted. Sometimes all it takes is one person to say the right thing for it all to make sense.

Let me say first that when my sister and I are doing fun things, its awesome. We have a good time etc. Its only when things are on the serious nature and are regarding my child that things get ugly. Today is on of those situations. Ive been honest with my daughter about my feelings right now. meanwhile both my sister and my daughter are throwing their own versions of hissy fits. One of the things brought up in discussions about my moving here and eventually being a full time mom to my daughter (for those who don't know, she was moved to my sister's for safety concerns after inappropriate internet usage. I did not have custody taken away from me for any reason and they only have temporary guardianship) anyway....one of the issues brought up was they felt it was inappropriate for my daughter to be left alone at home. This surprised me as my child is 16 and I am a single parent at this point so there might be times where she is home for a few minutes etc. They have drawn a line in the sand on the issue. There was a joint counseling session and this was brought up over and over, to the point I felt they were criticizing the fact I am a single parent and therefore I was ill equipped to handle her coming home etc with my job as a night shift nurse. Now I realize this is my interpretation of what they were saying and doing, but that is how it comes across every time it is brought up. Today we were supposed to check out a gym. had a class picked out etc. My sister texts and asks if I want to go to a yard sale thing at her son's school for office stuff. Sure as long as we have time to hit the gym. Was told we would so I packed my gym bag and off we went. If Im being honest, I knew we would never hit the gym. My sister is always full of big plans but when it comes to actual timed events, she can't manage it. either always late or never making it. So I get to her apartment and I realize the girl isn't up. I said, do I need to wake her up to get going? My sister says...no she can stay here while we go running around. Let her sleep. I paused and was very confused. She noticed and asked what was wrong. I didn't know how to word it without offending her. But at the same time, they have been adamant that the girl is not left alone, but it was okay this morning?? I guess Im confused on what the definition of being left alone is. But I never answered my sisters inquiry because I didn't know how to. So off we went. Of course we never made it to the gym. We end up coming home with our finds from the yard sale and Em is awake but obviously something is wrong. So I went to talk to her. Turns out she woke up and found out she was alone and got scared. Now there is a land line and my number is programed into that land line but she never thought to look at it or attempt to call. She is 16, but she has major issues with these kinds of what I call no brainer decisions. So she didn't call to see where we were, she just sat and percolated in her fears etc. So she was very upset. Meanwhile my sister now is having a fit because her plans were to have the girl supervise quiet time for the littles while we ran to walmart. Instead my sister is in the kitchen slamming lunch together (in an obvious state of upset) and when I talked to her she says she cant trust the girl to watch the kids in the girls current behavior mode and hinted that the girl is mean to her kids etc. Finally I just decided I was going to my apartment. I have things to do and my sister is a time sucker. So I am learning that I need to just go when I need to go. I told my sister I was going to my apartment and when she figured out what she wanted to do, just text me. I then asked if Emily could come with me. Now all of a sudden Im being asked for weekend plans. Am I keeping her all weekend, what are we doing etc. I was unable to give that info as the original plan was to do that after the gym. So now Sister is all upset because I can't give her a weekends worth of plans at the last minute. She claims that my taking Emily throws off her family and night by night basis is too stressful. Ummmm that is what they suggested in the first place. When I moved here they said it was summer and they didn't care where Em stayed as long as they were informed. I ask them all the time before I make plans if its okay if Em stays the night. Last night she stayed over there because my sister wanted her to clean her room. Last weekend she stayed with them because she had a church commitment. Its like I follow their guidelines but they change every other day so I don't know what to do. All I want to do is explain to the girl that I wanted to at least wake her up to tell her where we were headed, because that is something that we always did before. However, if I do that, then it undermines my sister I feel so I don't think its appropriate. Meanwhile Im so lost and confused. Seriously. Im not trying to play the innocent or anything Im just freaking frustrated. I came out here and under advice from others in similar situations decided to try not to interrupt the status quo. I have to ask permission from my sister to have my child stay a night with me. Nobody seems to understand how hurtful that is to me. But I do it. Then something like this happens. Im told one thing, a different thing is followed and now everyone is mad. The rule was the girl is not to be left home alone. Today, per my sisters instructions, she was left home alone and now everyone is mad. My sister is making it appear today that she needs plans for the girl staying where in more advance notice, but yesterday when it was brought up she said one day at a time was okay. I DON"T KNOW WHAT TO DO (said for emphasis not yelling) I cannot take full custody of the girl till I figure out my work schedule and see if my sister and her husband are willing to help. At this point, I feel like the girl will remain with them through the first semester because there is no way I can find proper care for her the three nights a week I work as I won't even know my real schedule till August and she starts school in August. At our last meeting my sister said she was unwilling to commit to any level of help unless it was 5 days a week and I get her on Weekends. Luckily I only work every 3rd weekend instead of every other but still. Seriously? But thats another tangent. Im just very frustrated right now. I feel like Im being put in the middle between sister and the girl. I need clear guidelines but clarity is not a strength of my sister even though she will tell you she is always crystal clear in her communication styles and its pointless to argue otherwise. I will say that the last few days my sister has been very on edge. Several times I have left their apartment because I could not handle the arguments, yelling etc that was happening. Please don't get me wrong. My hubby and I could throw down with the best of them and there were rare occasions that there were witnesses. But this was very very very uncomfortable for me and my sister was offended when I left. I don't know what is causing her to be this way. I have asked but she says everything is fine. So I let it be. I don't poke puppies. anyway, sorry this was long.

Yay!! Congrats on the new job

Im in....come play

I was told I had to be 63 and unmarried to collect his social security. I didn't realize I would have to choose between mine and his, I figured they were together. My MIL is collecting both dad's and hers I believe. Again I could be very wrong but I would see if you even have to choose. I would be very interested to see what they tell you if you don't mind sharing.

My hubby could build anything. He had a knack for being able to listen to my problem and then build the solution. He got it from his uncle who also could build and has built just about everything including an airplane So here I am in my new, very boring sterile, apartment. Im trying to find ways to give it a personality without involving too much work like painting, fixing holes etc. The wall color in this place is horrid. Im used to color on the walls and my decorations/keepsakes are all done with that in mind. So now they all just blend into the wall instead of standing out. I am allowed to paint but have to primer back so Im trying to avoid painting Found this awesome idea for a wall feature that will allow me to also decorate easily. If I did it the way the idea calls for, its a lot of money. Already in my head I can see it built for way less from home depot now had the man been here, I would have told him and eventually it would be done Here its just me. I think I can do it. I think I can figure it out and put it together with no issues, but I'm having a 2 year old moment. I don't want to. I don't want to have to do it myself. I want him to do it. I want to hear him swear when it doesn't go quite right at first. I want the argument over my idea vs reality. I want the jokes over body parts being at certain appropriate levels while hanging said object and how I should be doing my job I want the excitement of watching what I see in my head come to life by his hands. I want his smile when its all over cause he was proud to be able to build it for me and enjoy my excitement. Instead I have me. which I guess should be enough, but at this moment in time its not. I have all his tools, but that doesn't mean I know how to use them the way he did. There won't be any jokes, but probably plenty of swearing at a higher octave. and even though I can probably pull it off, the excitement won't be the same. He truly was a genius at this type of thing. It always amazed me that he could do this sort of thing without any real hardship. It came easily to him and I was spoiled for so many years by it. Off to put away more stuff while I debate the project in my head. Please feel free to share the things you miss about your love. I like hearing the stories.

Im stealing my sisters wifi and in for a bit Full internet should be on tomorrow at my place hopefully.

Trying she has been doing extremely well. The school has bent over backwards to help her and support her. They reaged her to a more appropriate grade level, have her interested in all kinds of things. They accepted her knowing why she was expelled from the school in CA and according to my Sister and BIL the school has been aware and making sure she didn't have unsupervised internet time during classes (library time apparently caused issues before and now this class at another school) But they also have had their own issues with this kind of stuff brought in, law enforcement and the media was involved etc. So their tolerance is basically zero. I dunno how this is all going to play out.

Well it gets even more complicated. The school had a major issue happen before the girl joined them last year and they now have a zero tolerance policy, meaning if your caught doing what she was doing, you get kicked out. AGAIN. So far they haven't caught her and there is some discussion among the adults as to if we should let the school know why we took her out of the class or just let it go. If they investigate into it themselves they will find it. She didn't hide her tracks. Im actually surprised they didn't catch her like the last school did, given that the teacher was supposed to be monitoring. Its completely obvious she wasn't monitored because it was a four hour conversation/role play thingie. I hope Rob that your child never delves into the things my daughter has. Even as an adult with a fairly open mind, the idea of a child being involved in these kinds of chats and "communities" is horrifying.

As a frequent glasses looser, might I suggest Zenni optical. Their website sucks or did when I used them but the glasses are cheap and won't sting your pocket so much when glasses are lost. I also appreciate their site because most of their frames are plastic and I am allergic to metal. I have a lazy eye and as a kid refused to wear my glasses. Back then the one side was a thick coke bottle type lens that I used to catch ants on fire with. My right eye has completely compensated and my last check up the eye doctor said at this point glasses won't help but when I move into the bifocal range later in life, its going to suck

I am on my iPhone so please forgive the bad typing. Won't have Internet till Tuesday My sister approached me today asking if the girl had any other email accounts. I closed all the ones we found last year before she moved here to be with my sister. Apparently she had one we didn't know about. Accessed on and off betweennoctober of last year to today. Up until yesterday, conversations on emails and Google hangout had been kosher. Yesterday and today not so much. The guy she is "talking" to is 19. She's 16. He lives in CA She was accessing it during the school year when she was dropped off early for band. The last two weeks she has been at an ACT prep class that is in a imputed lab from 7am to noon. My sister swears this class was not presented as an open computer lab kind of class. I knew nothing about the class till I arrived here two weeks ago. Here I thought we were having a good time etc and she's bee. Sneaking behind everyone's backs and when finally confronted with it she lied andied and lied. Now here is where I might be growing in the parenting department. I'm my angry so much as disappointed. I still blame myself even though I wasn't here. But I think she wanted to get caught because she knew she was going back to the bad stuff but didn't know how to ask for help. Why do I think this? Since October of last year she has randomly and rarely logged on. She's kept it all to herself for that long. The few logins and conversations were completely benign and short. Till yesterday (Thursday)Then after yesterday's conversation that he initiated the inappropriate things, she mentions in a text to a completely different friend and mentions an email address she doesn't specify just that it's not the school one. She knows my sister checks Her texts. She didn't erase anything either on phone or Internet. (Oh we also found a Pinterest account but nothing inappropriate seems to be tagged). I won't get into the issues wth having to deal with my sister in this mess. I found it all. I tried to ask questions. I've been through this enough with the girl that I know nothing productive is going to happen at 1am. So I got ready to leave. I feel my sister expected me to stay but I have an appointment with uhaul tomorrow. I know how much work it all be. I don't have it in me to stay up all night and bang our heads against a wall. I refuse to let her home me and my plans hostage. We don't need to decide tonight while we are all up in arms. I say sleep. Put her to work unloading the crates of stuff instead of hanging with her friends. We can decide later. So I left. She can't sleep here as there is no furniture. I don't know what to do. It just seems hopeless at this point.

Warning: I hit self implode mode a few hours ago and Im severely overwhelmed. Everything moved way to fast today and I don't have a quiet place to reorient etc. I talked with my sisters apartment complex. They are way nicer than the first ones we saw today and my mom figured out that by the time you add on all the "extra" fees between the two, they were almost the same price. These are much bigger, have a hardwood type flooring (which is fabulous for my allergies) offer super cheap storage options etc etc etc. So I signed up. The problem is that in order to avoid another huge weekly fee at the hotel Im staying at, I have to move in on Thursday. So I have one day to figure it out. Its going to be a fun day Tonight I'm going to make my lists and try to get organized. I have a vet appointment for my pug on Thursday. Right before we left CA he was having problems with his hips. I took him to the vet after coming home and finding him unable to get up. After dealing with a very judgmental veterinarian, I came home with pain [ills and anti inflammatories. The vet said if those didn't work, she would recommend a neurologist consult (for a 13 year old pug. *sigh*) well after the long trip here he has been getting steadily worse and now can't even use the bathroom without his hind quarters giving out on him and I have to physically put him back on his feet. The dog is 13. He is mostly blind..mostly if not all deaf, poor teeth (caused before I adopted him) etc. There will be no neurology appointment. My guess is I will have to put him down. I would want someone to do that for me at this stage in the game. But he has been my dog love for 10 years. I rescued him despite my husbands objections and I have never regretted it even though he drives me batty at times. Its just very sad. Back to the apartment...I think this is the best idea. I have some very negative feelings towards it and how close it is to my sister and in a petty moment the fact that it is EXACTLY like my sisters is painful, however Walmart here has an entire bathroom set up in Batman so that is going to be my moving in present to myself (Those on FB with me will understand) Im supposed to start school in August for my Bachelors so I will be moved in and settled with both work and home before adding that stress. It will give me time to pay off the move and get my finances back in order before looking into houses and I won't feel pressured into taking the first house that comes on the market. Its not my preferred option by any means but it does solve some problems and gives me a "home" feel. Thanks everyone for your thoughts. It made it easier to sign after getting it all out and having ideas bounced around. Now if only Jon bon Jovi was hiding in the closet

Renting a house in this area is not going to be possible. The prices are insane and about what I pay for my house in CA so Im looking for something cheaper till that sells. I could always move from an apartment to a house rental once my house in CA is sold. I can't float two house payments of that size though so apartment or purchasing is the options Im stuck with right now. We went and saw an apartment today and as much as I hate to, Im going to talk to my sisters apartment as well to compare. There are big pluses for being in the same complex for my daughter, and she is the most important part of this piece. She would only have to worry about one bus stop instead of keeping track of which day she is going where. She already lives here so the transition to my place (if that even happens) would be a lot easier. She wouldn't be far from either me or her aunt. So there are some definite positives to living in the same complex. A bit tougher for me but I have lived through worse so I would just go with it. I did get the job I interviewed for yesterday. They called me this morning and offered me the position. The pay is way less than Im used to, but had expected it to be in the area they gave me. I don't start till the 7th of July so I have time to find an apartment, move in and get settled without having to add work stress to that mix. It seems like Im being pushed towards an apartment without even trying. The apartment we looked at today was nice once I got over my hate of apartments. It would be an upper floor and as sphoc pointed out to me, upper means nobody walking on my ceiling while Im trying to sleep so thats a huge plus. It is also right next to the police department and one of the apartments had a PD view Not seeing the bad part there lol. There is a bus stop for Emily as well so she can easily get to and from school. Its within walking distance of the mall and barnes and noble (mall not important...book store important ) it was very quiet and I felt nicely kept up. Will be speaking with my sisters apartment complex this afternoon. They have some things the other didnt so who knows. A lot has happened this morning and Im admitting to you guys Im in overwhelmed mode. We take my mom to the airport this afternoon, I am getting emails from the new job about all the things I have to get going for them, laundry needs to be done and now we are talking apartments. *sigh* To answer Rob, I do not know what I want to be doing in 5 years. This state is very different than what I am used to. I finally noticed the other day there are no mountains. Its weird not seeing them. I feel like the last several moves have been rushed and I possibly should have rented first instead of buying right away. because of the many unknowns right now maybe renting an apartment is something that for now is the middle between a house and a hotel room. The other apartment has a lease option for 8 months which actually would be just about right. I dunno. So much to consider. Only my one poor brain to work it all out in. I do appreciate all the input and welcome more

Since I can't sleep House rental is about 1600/month on average for this area. The offerings on homes for rent in the school district I need to be in are very slim. Then add all the utilities, internet, tv etc. But No storage fees to store my stuff Commute time to work could be up to 30 min depending on where I go. House mortgage is being quoted around 650-850 depending on house price and how much is put down. Then add utilities, internet, tv etc. also like someone mentioned extra "surprise" expenses that come with owning a home. Again no storage fees. commute time still at 30 min roughly Apartment rental is anywhere from 750-1000+ (not much over with the options I am looking at) and depending some come with washer/dryers, others come with hookups or you can rent a set for around 45 a month. Some utilities will be required as well as tv and internet. Will end up with a storage unit and those monthly fees. Commute time is 15 minute from either apartment complex Staying at the extended stay right now is costing me 350 a week, but that drops once Ive been here 30 days and have "residency status" I can also drop it another 10 a day if I am willing to commit to a 60 day stay. however the size is not comfortable to live in. No oven either. I don't trust the wifi here so I go to my sister's to do any banking etc. paying storage fees Commute time is 15 min If I keep it under 1K a month i should be okay for a while. Getting an apartment while my old house sells will probably keep my nest egg in tact more than say if I put a down payment on a house but the other house hasn't sold. Getting a job will help a lot as well which I am working on. So far we are doing fine. There are a TON of complications revolving around my daughter and where she will stay. Right now I do not want her staying here in the hotel room. No privacy, no place to do homework etc. Just not a good environment while she is in school. So far though we are really enjoying being with each other. Its only been two weeks