fairlanegirl

You are better off to end it hard and final.

Stay single a while until you love who you are and your life.

Then find a top quality man...I'll say it again....MAN not a boy.

Some real men do still exist.

Not all are game players, into immature shit, have loser jobs, can't hold a real conversation.

Find a man.

He should hold the door.

Drive a real car or truck.

Have a job that has a solid future.

Not live with his dad.

Never smoke or do drugs or play video games.

Own a house.

Max 2 drinks a week of alcohol....and i mean maximum....2 a year is better.

Not wear crap in his hair.

Dress like a man....and not carry a purse.

Date a man!

Let others be stuck with the boys.

Mate, what constitutes a 'real car'?! Is there a minimum number of cylinders?

My bloke doesn't own a house, but he does have a job and collect guns - does that make up for his lack of real man status ? :-)

I do agree about the drugs and video games though.

I'd say she is only in love with herself and her own general awesomeness.

But then I was stopped short when I read the next sentence:  “...oh and I'm not attracted to BBW's or "very" over weight women..I prefer thin, athletic built women but if you think you have curves in the right places, I will take a look.”

I totally get that we all have our preferences (he was a man of some size himself), and have a sense of attraction at a chemical and visual level, what does it for some and what doesn’t for others, and I don't judge, but I was so stunned when I thought of all the women reading that - - any woman who has any grain of self-esteem and self-respect is never going to (should never) send photos of herself to anyone so her body can be judged by anyone to determine if her “curves are in the right places.” Seriously?  That is just so offensive and demeaning to all women. That is where he lost me.

So he's basically a fat bloke supremely confident that hordes of thin, athletic women are going to find him irresistible. Good luck with that, mate. Buwahahaha. At least he's honest, in an odd, dodging-a-bullet sort of way. Something tells me not many larger women are going to state a preference for a thin, athletic guy and demand to check out bits of his anatomy though...

Yes Serpico, looking back maybe I was a bit harsh, I guess by nature I'm not a fan of the ole facile pop psychology, especially of the 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger' variety. And I haven't had a breakup since the advent of social media: back then, unless you worked with someone or they were in your immediate circle, it was easy to avoid them and lick your wounds in private.

Mizpah, you put it well. After 90 days of no-contact this lady will have disappeared entirely up her own backside, so I doubt she could be found anyway. Apologies Mikeeh, no doubt she was lovely, but seems a bit self-centred.

She thinks the pain of our break up will spur me to personal growth and teach me to learn to live life again.  She says that you need darkness to appreciate light, you need pain in order to truly appreciate happiness.  Doesn't she think I have had enough pain in my life with having to watch my wife die over an almost 5 year span.

I cannot really comment as have been in my first and hopefully last post-widowhood relationship now for about four years, and know I would crash badly in your situation. My heart really goes out to you. But this comment leapt out at me - did she really say this to someone in your situation?! Basically I suppose she was simply no longer into you - let's face it that's the usual reason - but as 'letting down gently' goes, the lady needs some lessons. What a load of pretentious, unempathetic tosh.

And this is shallow...but I need tall.  I've gone out with shorter (shorter to me is 5'10-6'0). I am 5'10... DH was 6'5. I miss a tall guy...I've tried shorter...I just can't really get into them. Ugh

C'mon, my DH was 6'6" and I'm 5'4", only a 14-inch difference! But I never let him rest his beer on my head  ;D

Just joking, we all have our irrational likes and dislikes.I remember once standing on a ladder to do some job and being at his height - the world looks very different for you tall folks, it was quite a revelation to me!

So it  drives me crazy when I try and send a message to someone the same age as me and I get blocked by a message such as "Soulseeker only accept messages from females ages 24- 45" and he's 53.

 

I was fortunate to hook up with someone a similar age I knew before, and never went online, but I guess at least this is one way to sort the wheat from the chaff (ie the tossers with overinflated ideas of their own attractiveness :-) )

It's situational. Ebb. Flow.

 

Age of kids dictates a bit. Level of need.

 

It's not a contest.

 

The kids grow up and build lives of their own though so it's important to remember that it will be just you and spouse someday. Nurturing that relationship has to be a priority or why bother to marry?

 

Different strokes for different folks. I can never envisage a time when my need for a "spouse" or a relationship would over-ride my desire to take care of our girls. But then again, being alone does not hold any fears for me.

It doesn't have to be one or the other. Didn't go looking but did end up in a relationship, and my girls love him too, guess I was lucky!

Hi Taurus, thought you might be a fellow Kiwi from your photo!

I think Quixote may have nailed it there re women and support networks. Although these figures (and the article) seem to me more applicable to older people.

Bit over five years for me and on here and its predecessor, it is a good site, all kinds of folks.

Thanks for that Rob. There is no more a 'male mind' belonging to half the planet's population than there is a 'female mind', the notion is a bit silly. A subset of men or women might think a certain way, another subset, a different way. Obviously cultural mores will be a big influence too but as they say in Life of Brian, 'We're all individuals!'

Helen, the very best of luck to you. As one of those who ended up with a 'new' fellow I'd actually known peripherally for decades, I admire you. 'Dating' American style wasn't even a thing here until 20 years ago or less - we never used the term dating. You 'were 'going out with' someone, often met at a party while you were half-cut (!) or through mutual friends, or at work. I don't think I'd have had the chutzpah to go online. I guess the main thing is to be on the same page as each other (short-term/long-term etc.) but therein lies the main source of heartache, doesn't it? Sometimes we don't even know ourselves.Take care.

 

Clearly the only acceptable answer here is that whatever you want to do is right. Which is a shame, because when I ask for advice I'm looking for all views, not only those that meet some politically correct litmus test.

I think Portside was telling some home truths about how some guys (not guys you'd want to be with, obviously) can be arseholes, and one can get hurt, which is fair enough, but the 'lady' in inverted commas is a bit of a red flag to many, including me. It comes across as very derogatory, frankly.

I'm pulling for you - Good luck - Mike!

Nudge nudge, wink wink Mike, was that intentional perchance, a textbook example of said suggestive messages?! Or are we, more likely, in 'two nations divided by a common language' territory?

Ha, got it now - what an arsehole. Very strange comment. Tell the guy never to go to The Netherlands or Scandinavia, he'll have a complete meltdown - 6-foot women everywhere!

 

In reality...this Mom is a trophy wife...the Dad is a whopping 5'7 in his 2 inch cowboy boots and I tower over both of them.

Hey! Nothing wrong with short blokes  (and I am 5'4 and DH was 6'6) - whatever other faults he might have, the poor sod can't help his height !

Strange though isn't it  (speaking personally) how things we expect to upset us often don't, then we get ambushed by the oddest stuff. I too expected it to be strange having another man in the bed, but it was fine. Go figure.

No blasting from here either - my two were 6 and 2, and they knew where NG was sleeping from the start, and have seen us there together in the morning. Four years on, it still seems fine. They know I still love daddy, but NG as well. We are adults, enjoy being one. It's not like you have a revolving door of blokes coming in and out!

Maybe you all could compromise and be Episcopalian ? DH Dad was Catholic and Mom raised Baptist...and they compromised. DH pretty much used to tell me "We are just Like Catholics...but everyone can take communion, divorced people can get married in the church, women can be priests and priests can get married--and we like gay people.😊"

 

But the actual service was very formal and I believe almost identical to Catholic Mass except everyone takes communion.

Indeed, thanks Henry, all because you wanted to get rid of that Spanish queen! 

Because by and large, he makes it easier. I feel like I'm not supposed to say that but he does.

I know what you mean. Yes, without my new fellow I'd still be better than 5 years ago, and we widow/ers need to be strong as individuals, but being loved again has also helped me a lot. I consider myself a feminist, but it is only human.

And, apparently, I'm the only one here who gets a girlish pleasure out of saying the words 'My Boyfriend' (I'm 51.) I find it fun, hilarious, joyful.

 

I'm 49, he's 52 and I find it a laugh too, so fear not, you are not alone! Also happy to be called girlfriend, of course. Here it's that or 'the missus'.

MrsDan, I have no advice so off-topic but just wanted to chime in and say we are on a very similar timeline and I've read your posts from the start, and was so pleased to see you had found a lovely new fellow and some happiness. Best of luck, bit belated sorry! Hope it all works out, you deserve it.

  I'm so vanilla,I'm like French vanilla smirl with basic vanilla.

Thanks Torn that made me grin - I am happy enough to be vanilla (each to their own of course!), but prefer to think of it as French vanilla made with real vanilla pods, free range egg yolks and organic cream perhaps. Maybe in an affogato :-)

We don't do anything special for 16 here, but can you not just ask your daughter, or is it a surprise?

I'd agree completely with Rob - she sounds incredibly tactless, and goodness knows why she felt the need to share such a thing - as he says she has no idea anyway. I've had people say the opposite to me - 'Oh those two, if one died the other would never be with anyone else' (I have recoupled) and have replied 'they have no idea how they would react, none at all." Who knows? She and your son may even have discussed it? Some folks do.

Ah, I have fairly low household standards compared to many, that might be the key :-)