luvmy2babies

Watched cartoons half asleep because 5 year-olds don't know about Daylight Savings time

Are you saying they are both cutting your payment and requiring payment from you or are they cutting your amount to recoup the overpayment? Neither is okay IMHO as you had nothing to do with this girl?s decisions and just how long is she going to be allowed to do this? I think I?d be appealing that if at all possible. Is there someone who might do a free consultation on this? I just don?t see how they can cut your amount AND require you to pay them back? That makes no sense. When my husband was getting disability, there was occasion where they somehow overpaid him. Not sure how; but whenever it happened, they cut his deposit until the amount was paid back. Still wrong in my eyes considering it was their error; but they didn?t cut his amount and require separate payment from him to cover the loss. That?s crazy. I?m sorry about the text from your oldest. That was just cruel and unusual.

I have been thinking about this recently. When I was single I had a set of friends. Eventually we were all married and didnt see each other as much. There were couples we associated with, occasionally got together with and such. Not as much the last few years with dhs condition he just didnt have the energy; but fellowship was there. When he died, it was kind of like being silently told, Okay, go back over there (single crowd) now. Only it was a whole different crowd now. People my age had children much older. Some were grandparents. I remember dh and I going to a gathering at a friends home with other couples for lunch one weekend. A few months after dh died, I remember getting a call from a wife who wasnt at the previous gathering. She said they were headed to said friends house for lunch and couldnt remember where to turn in the neighborhood. Now did I as a single woman expect to be invited to lunch with a group of couples? No, but in that moment, it was another hit as to how life had changed. Fortunately for me at some point when I was feeling isolated during dhs life, I started reaching back for friends Id had in the past (college friends mainly). I found three classmates I was close to during our days in the college band. Two married each other. Another married a guy she met later. Two children were born to each union. Turns out our children (except my son) were born like steps. They are now ages 10, 11, 12, 12, and 13. My son is 5. The two 12 year-olds (my daughter and one friends son) were born within hours of each other. They dont care Im single. They never even got to meet dh. We go to football games at our alma mater. Since about 9 months after dh died, when the children were 5, 6, 7, 7 and 8 and my son was an infant, weve been meeting up there. The children are all friends. Were working on expanding to get together other times even if its still at school to support another sport; but of course they all have other friends that they do other things with. Thats something Im still working on myself.

YIKES! I've always been told I do that because I'm anemic. I've read that too actually and when I'm good about taking my extra iron (not always) the craving (for ice) does lessen. Not to say that the other isn't true for me at times. I want to be loved from the inside out in every way at this point.

Congratulations!

Well, I?m in a bit of a different world. My son is 5. He was 2 months old when we lost his father; so he is kind of just now starting to deal with it as he figures out more and more what a father is and I know he is upset (when he thinks about it) that he doesn?t have one here. Couple of weeks ago he asked me if his father was going to at least come and give him a hug. But, the other 98% of the time, he?s a happy child, to the point people comment on it. I?ve tried to make sure he?s allowed to be ?all boy?. I race cars, play airplane, build train tracks, play video games. He goes to the same barber every 2 weeks, a man with 4 sons of his own. He has a Godfather too. They just haven?t spent as much time together lately. Thankfully I like sports. He just started soccer skills training last week as he is full of energy. His father played multiple sports as a child. Thankfully one of the fathers decided to do this for the K-2nd graders at their school. I?m in 2 different worlds most of the time. My other child, a girl is 12, in 7th grade. She?s the artist/geek like me; but she?s also Dyslexic with Inattentive ADHD so way more interesting than I was.

Ah, I'm not alone. Can someone say "Book Fair".

When my daughter was 8 (12 now), dh had been gone a couple of years. She learned about decomposition in school and came home asking me if her father was a skeleton now.

I understand. I have a few shots of my children similar to the one you posted. Yours reminded me of one I took of my daughter on father?s day a couple of years after dh died where she appeared to be deep in thought. My son was just a baby when we lost dh. He is now 5 and it is like reliving it in some ways. The other day he told me ?My dad is going to at least come and give me a hug. Isn?t he?? I don?t remember my exact response. Something along the lines of ?he would if he could, but?? He shrieked, ?WHAT?!? Then he threw his head against my chest. A few minutes later, he started sobbing when I said no to something else. It was something that would not normally illicit that reaction. I figured it was all related so I just held him. It's still the hardest part of all of this. I can't protect them from it. Your little boy sounds incredibly thoughful and sweet. Hugs to you both.

I've struggled. I thought of chunking that life (my walk of faith), even though it had brought me as far as I'd come. My time is limited so I just copied parts of the blog post I did on it. "Help, I Want to Trust You." I wouldn't begin to tell you what to do. I wanted you to know you're not alone. Sometimes Christians only want to tell the glory and you don't hear about the crawl through the trenches. You can begin to think it's some sign of something wrong with you. There are other women in my church who have lost their husbands so I have experienced that. When they get up and talk I remind myself I don't live with them. So this is part of my personal story. I choose not to keep that struggle private so if someone else is struggling they won't feel alone. Losing a spouse does something to your world. I had thought a few times what it might be like if (dh's name) didn't survive one of his episodes; but nothing prepared me for his departure. Something blew up that day in March and a lot of damage was left. But slowly and surely as I allowed Him, God put our earth back on its axis and we put a life together as a family. I didn't always make it easy for Him; but He did it anyway. Eventually I Concluded This Didn't Mean God Had Left Us Not as easy as it sounds when you spend years hoping for a miracle; but I concluded I wasn't going to get through this without God. I wasn't wired to do that. He was a major part of my life before this happened. I was dependent upon Him everyday. So navigating life on my own at my lowest point wasn't an option. Interesting thing is it was being at my lowest point that had me considering it. Yes, I said it. I thought of walking away. Things were just that dark. I had to work hard to get past the "I can't believe you left me here with these babies" with (dh's name) and the "I believed and what did it get me?" mentality with God. If I'm honest I still have trouble with it. I read a book by a woman who lost her husband when he was killed in the line of duty. She said she looked up and asked, "God, are you even there?" The struggle is real. Some days in our family it felt like (dh's name) was all that mattered and after he died, there were days it felt like God left with him; but that's a possible side effect of grief as a Christian. I knew that. Eventually I concluded that for me it was going to take God's presence to put the pieces back together. It doesn't mean I've done everything right. Far from it. I've had dumb days and done some dumb things. I've gone one way with my little family and had to turn and go another and had that to admit to my daughter in the process of making the correction. I've had days where I didn't handle the pressures the way I should have. See, there was some distance between knowing God could and would heal my heart and actually handing Him the pieces so He could do the work. After March 9, 2010, that took a level of trust I struggled with more often than I like to admit. God Knew I Was Ticked Off I see and hear and read about not having such emotions towards such a kind, perfect, loving being. But God is also omnipotent. As much as I tried especially in those early months to focus on (dh's name) being free from the suffering he endured, that feeling of abandonment persisted. As much as I tried focusing on my children, not having their father to even talk to was like a 50lb weight. So yeah, I dealt with anger. I think it would have conquered me had I stayed alone in it. One day I said, God, I'm mad. I'm mad at (dh's name) and I'm mad this happened. I think I'm mad at You. But it took me over a year. I cried for (dh's name) more often than people know. But for too long, I was so caught up in how I wanted to handle this, in wanting my daughter to see God could make things alright, in wanting people to see God could make it alright, I didn't respect the pain. I tried to skip over the trenches. I didn't really give Him every piece of my broken heart. I broke down under that pressure around month 18. I had said, God I trust You. He had nothing left to prove right? But after tragedy, the honest thing for me was...Help me, I want to trust You. It worked in the Bible right? (Mark 9:24). The man with the sick child said, "I believe, help my unbelief." I say this a lot; but God is a big boy. When I said, "God I'm mad," it seemed His response was "Now we are getting somewhere." It was after that I began to be able to see His love even in the smallest sign. And that has helped me. Hugs to you.

I?ve done both with mine. Destination trips like the beach and Disney World and we have done trips where we hit multiple stops within a few hours of each other. Most hotels we have done in one trip is 3 so far. I love to travel so I introduced travel pretty early after each child was born and fortunately for me, they both enjoy it. My son is still pretty young so the longest we have driven in a day was 6 hours (from here to Atlanta) with a stop half way for stretching and lunch. We?re also fortunate in our home state we have both beaches and mountains. The children love both. We also do the day trips. Still want to try cruising again?multiple destinations without changing hotels. We went on one when my daughter was 4. Been meaning to do another since my son has been toilet trained; but haven?t yet. Definitely sounds like the family picked a vacation the child wasn't fond of and hoped getting a friend to come would help. But from how you describe it, they would just have two unhappy boys on the trip instead of one.

We know in some cases remarks about our strength can be translated into "you don't need help...great" Hugs

I think I have had some of both. In my case, I generally differentiate it by if it?s a memory or something new. Usually if it?s a visit, he shows up looking healthy and restored to tell me something to help me on this road. I can remember though , shortly before the 1st anniversary being very much awake in the ER with my son trying to get him to take a breathing treatment. He was just 13 months old so he was fighting me. I had a ?Why aren?t you here to help me?? moment. When I looked up I saw dh in the corner praying. He was wearing all white. At that same moment, my son calmed and took the treatment.

The biggest lesson I learned and sometimes the hard way was to really keep things documented, to have a place where you can go and look at expenses and how I spend. In my written budget I can?t leave things out, especially the things that don?t occur regularly. I need to plan for them. I learned I have to take the time to evaluate how the amount I budgeted for something compared to what I actually spent. And having things laid out helps me plan better. I learned that sometimes when I have overspent and either come up short and or can?t do something I need to do, it wasn?t because did something frivolous or I got something I didn?t need; but because I maybe got it 2 weeks before I should have.

Yeah, year 2. It kicked my behind. What energy I had after work, my children got it. The house looked like crap for a long time. The whole summer I would go and purchase new underwear (for all of us) and clothes for the children to avoid doing laundry. I put my stuff in the cleaners. The children outgrow theirs; but I remember when I finally did all of the laundry I had too many pairs of underwear to fit in the drawer. As difficult as it is, I would try to let the sun hit your face as much as possible. There were times I wouldn?t go anywhere; but would just step outside briefly just for that, especially in the warm months. Or walk slower on the way to the vehicle after work. There?s something about the sun on my face still now past 5 years. Maybe when walking your dog, add a little bit of time to the walk each time. Hugs Hope you see better days soon.

For me, I stopped getting included with couples we were close to. In looking for new friends, well...Single people already have established relationships and you feel like an invader. I know I have to take some responsibility for this as I haven?t really worked to be social or anything. Of course when I got the most invitations was the first year. I?d had a baby and lost my husband. I didn?t really feel like girls? night out. It seems now people still treat me like I?m still in that stage and head the other way. I?ve grown okay with it. I hope to meet some new people somehow. I have a friend (who is also my hairdresser) who has a daughter my age. We have been friends since college and remain so. I?m grateful for that. Other than that, I tended to gravitate back to friends I had before dh. The one thing I had always done was take my daughter to homecoming at my alma mater. The first one after dh died (8 months after), we still went. My son was 10 months old; so it wasn?t easy. We had just gone to the 2nd floor in the dining hall for the band alumni luncheon when I heard my name. It was some friends from college. They?re married; but we have children similar in age (my son being the outlier). So now we go to more games to meet up with them there. The issue there is when it comes to other stuff they do for fun, they already had other people they do that stuff with and don?t think of us even after 5 years. Although I can say one couple is making an effort with me to expand our relationship as our daughters (their 2 and my 1) miss each other when football isn?t going on. Sometimes having a 5 year-old when others your age have teens and up is hard. Some of my high school classmates are starting to have grandchildren.

I have several situations in my life that make me feel like this. School is a big one. Last year I put my daughter in a charter school located half-way between home and my work. We live in one city, their school is in another, my job is in another. Three cities call connected by a highway. We have a parent facebook page; so, I know there are a lot of stay at home moms?way more than I ever encountered previously. They ask the parents to commit to a certain number of volunteer hours a year (20 if you have 1 child, 30 if you have 2 or more); but assured us there would be plenty of opportunities to get them. I figured okay, 2 hours a month (3 once my son goes). I should be okay with that. They were going to have multiple committees set up and going to meetings was also going to count. Well, it was a new school last year and it took a while to set up a lot of the tasks. For a good while most of what was available required coming to the school midday or early afternoon, some tasks involved doing this for 5 straight days. And that committee? I joined one and after taking a survey of everyone?s availability they set up the meeting times for mid-mornings during the week. January came and I had 1 hour to my name. An hour everyone got for taking a 1st quarter survey. It was complicated by the fact my son was still in preschool in the city we live in which kept me from doing a few different things. Added on was no spouse to share the load. Fortunately my job has some flexibility. I used an extended lunch hour with a combination of coming in early and staying late to volunteer in the lunch room. I logged the 20th hour on the last day of school. Granted I did lose some along the way due to bad weather school closings, illness and work conflicts. It doesn?t help when people proclaim how easy it is to get hours and they just can?t understand how anyone would find it difficult. People are nice enough; but some people?s circles are so limited it doesn?t come to mind that everyone?s situation isn?t the same and they open their mouths or hit the keyboard to reveal it. I remember there was an orientation we had to attend and they suggested we not bring the children (lot of important information, focus needed). There was some grumbling and as a result a lot of ?What?s the problem? One parent goes, the other stays home?? I just kept telling myself this is a good school and I was doing what was best for my children and the discomfort would be worth it. They have their issues too I guess. There was a drop-in place across from the school and that is where my two ended up during that orientation (fortunately I had just gotten paid). It?s beautiful, the staff is nice, it has webcam and ended up being my afterschool care. A lot of the rumbling was from people who had never left their child with anyone other than the ? day preschool and their spouse was working late or there was, ?But we both need to be there??. I guess that's nice if you have it. Even when dh was alive I went to this stuff alone. I tell you I look at some people, roll my eyes and think to myself, Please God don't let anything happen to her husband. Hugs to all.

Logged in to see how this was going. Glad it worked out. Having moved a few months ago, I'm in no hurry to do it again. Didn't even leave the zip code so I had nothing like this to deal with; but Ugh! So not a fan of moving.

I either gave away or tossed so much stuff in the two years following dh's death. He had told me he wanted his clothes given away; but after initially giving his uniforms back to the post office, it still took 2 years to get it done. I had a lot of starts and stops over the time and he had so many clothes and shoes, it was nuts. Socks went to the local VA and he had enough to fill a 39 gallon plastic bag. Shoes divided up among 8 teens (small feet), 80 neckties, 40 suits....I get tired just thinking about it. Even after all of that, I was still amazed at what was left when I was preparing to move a few months ago. I'm sorry for the timing of this. I would just do what the other poster mentioned and retrieve the things from them. That way you can deal with it in your timing how you are comfortable.

I haven?t dated; but the guy who delivers the coffee supplies to the office where I work could be dh?s twin or at least younger brother. I can never seem to miss him despite heading to the break room at various time. I hope he doesn?t notice how I immediately look away I enter the room. Talk to a co-worker about it and after a few seconds she was like ?Oh wow, you?re right?that?s nuts.? I mean height, complexion, facial features, voice, the way he wears his uniform, the way he shaves, the angle he wears his hat...it's crazy. First few times I saw him my breath left me for a few seconds.

Rob I?m sorry. I thought a lot about you this weekend. You were the first one that came to mind when I thought of guys where the one who directs the children to celebrate the parent is gone. If my children hadn?t made Mother's Day cards at school (and I was really surprised my daughter?s 6th grade class did this) I wouldn?t have gotten a card at all. My daughter knew father?s day was coming because I asked her what she wanted to do (she picked the usual take flowers to the cemetery); but when the day came and I mentioned going there after church I did get ?Oh it?s today?? Then it hit her later and she slept in his recliner all night. I know it is difficult to teach our children these types of things. My son?s youth pastor is constantly having talks with him now about how he should treat me. All I had taught him so far in that regard is to put the toilet seat back down when he?s done. He?s 5 though and at that people pleasing age. My daughter is 12 and let me tell you. We have to have a lot of talks about how things don?t just happen around here by magic. Sometimes I feel like I go so far to make things good, I also make it look easy. I think like the others have said, it is perfectly reasonable for you to have a talk with them about this. My stepchildren used to let my husband?s birthday go by without even a phone call and once they got to be a certain age, he started letting them know it. His and his daughter?s birthdays are 4 days apart so there was no forgetting. He would let them know that he appreciated his birthday acknowledged just like they did and if they considered how they would feel if their birthdays went by and he neither did or said anything, he also feels that way and that him being an adult didn?t change that. Heck I remember at age 14 asking my mom for a last minute (2 days before) ride to the store so I could pick out a Mother?s Day present for her. She told me she should not have to do that, that I should have asked someone else sooner and sent me out on my bike.

I'm so sorry. Probably going to have to ask around there. I went to work one day (30 miles from home) knowing I'd have to get gas before I could get the kids and go home. The fuel light came on half way to work. Got to the gas station after work and no wallet. It was at home, 30 miles away. Drove the 8 miles to my daughter on E and parked at the gas station near where she was. Walked to her care facility in the rain and asked the staff for cash. You were robbed, it unfortunately happens and you have an emergency. Also, could the police not help you with transportation home?

Hugs to you and happy birthday to your daughter.

I can?t really add anything to what has been said except to say yes it is all normal. I hated that feeling like I was frozen while the rest of the world went on; but it is again completely normal. I had one friend who said, I may not be around much right now; but I'll see you in a couple of weeks when all the folks around you now have disappeared. That hit the nail on the head. I am sorry for your husband?s passing. I know you will find comfort and support here.

I just can?t imagine. How courageous of your oldest. My son was born on 1/9. My husband died two months later on 3/9. It?s 17 days after our wedding date and a few weeks before my daughter?s birthday. For almost all of the first year, every time the 9th came I would look at my son and think ?You?re another month older? and look up and remember my husband was another month gone. My son was a year-old before the 9th didn?t hit me like that. Right before the first ?sadiversary? my son got very sick. He started having trouble with his lungs, and dh?s lung disease was what ultimately killed him because it weakened his heart. He had to be hospitalized, spent time in the PICU. We came home on the anniversary. Been 5 years and my daughter who was nearly 7 then doesn?t realize when the date comes and I don?t bring it up to her. If she been more aware at the time it would likely be different. If we had gotten any mail that day, she would have been the one to find him instead of me. He died on his day off. Each time he had a day off, she would always take the mail to him once we were home and they would talk about her day. That day we just happened not to get any mail so she sat on the floor playing with her baby brother while I went up to check on him. He had been unwell; but nothing compared to other times?I thought. After I found him, I kind of did what your new guy?s family did and kept her from it. Only unlike him, she didn?t know at the time anything was wrong. Her Godparents lived a couple of minutes away. He had obviously been dead for hours so I grabbed the cordless and called them. They came and snatched her up before she knew what had happened. We called 911 after she was gone. She had just come from their house when I told her they were coming back to get her. She asked why; but I told her I had to take care of something and she didn?t ask me anymore questions. It was 3 hours later before they finally got dh out and she could came back home. As she got older though she figured it all out? I think she was about 10 when she asked me if he was dead when we came home that day and if that was why she had to leave. I told her he was and that was why I had her leave. I didn?t know exactly what was going to happen; but I didn?t want her there. My heart just breaks for our children.