Momtojandj

So I threw my profile back up .. Chatted with a guy and supposed to call him tonight to chat on phone. I would rather scratch my eyes out. Hate hate .. Did I mention hate online? Ugh . Hopefully he's better than the one who emailed me wanting me to be his second or third girlfriend, yes he had multiple going on ... No txs

So I had a guy message me today .. Look at his profile and says he's seeing someone. So , I responded and asked , if he's trying to collect women .. Could be trouble. Argh ! Hate online

The relationship I was in , even though somewhat was over but wasn't . Is DONE! Told him Friday to respect my wishes and stop texting , calling. He has.. I caught him in another lie , and just as clear as day .. Saw it all clearly . I'm hurt , pissed off and angry . Not really sad. I want to plot revenge lol. I asked a good friend last night , why I didn't see red flags earlier and why did I believe things he said ? She said .. You weren't ready to see it and accept the truth . Hmm . I dated someone , only about 3 months after John died , we broke up for many reasons, but we both really cared about each other .. And I cried for days ! I don't know which is worse 😜. Good news .. Profiles back up online.. So I'll have stories for sure . 😂😂

That is terrible! On a side note .. Mark , you do the same as I do I always send a note explaining my situation and my phone number if I can be any help to the widowed .

I have struggled with my faith since John died. Someone from old boards had posted a link, titled "is God at fault " . I hope it's ok to share. I printed it, and read it quite often . Has changed the way I think a lot about life. http://emilygarvinonedayatatime.blogspot.com/2010/12/is-god-at-fault.html

I have to say , the first 10 months were good. Small issues .. But something changed last 2 months.. Couldn't put finger on it . From what I can gather now , he has a few women friends , uses them , because they like him. Help with money, food, kids etc. hides them from me, when I did catch on .. Says they are just friends , or are crazy or .. You name it. Add in (if that wasn't enough) he doesn't get I need a full relationship.. Where We talk, text.. See each a lot. Check in on each other during day, make time for two of us, sans kids. I know I need to stay away , but last weeks I felt need to explain, or tell him I'm done. That's when he steps up texting and calling .. And I hear But I do a lot for you and your kids.. I'm sure he cares at some level. But not at the level I need. And what have I been used for ? I need to just no longer respond. But that seems so mean . Haven't heard from him again since this am, which is a bad pattern he has pulled recently . My hope is he won't text anymore, but he will . I keep saying... I deserve more !

I'm so trying . Thank you everyone . Wish I could hug you all. Found out some more things today from his first ex, her and I are friendly . It just confirms what I need .. And that's to run away. However , can't bring her up (promised her I'll keep quiet about her and I talking) and when I talk to him.. He sucks me in .. Has a reason for everything .

Captains wife. i have still heard from him, but he is giving me my space. Has asked if he can try harder . told him I need time . All time has done so far, is showed me I can survive without him . Unfortunately, I didn't tell my teen boys that we were not really talking and the older one texted him for help on his car, and he did help him. Was awkward , I stayed away .

Tonight I was driving somewhere and in front of me was a man riding his motorcycle. I wasn't upset, or felt sick (for those who remember hubby died on his motorcycle) . I was transfixed, I could see his reflection in his rear view mirror. A goat tee , just like John . I watched as he rode, wind blowing thru his shirt . I didn't ride offen with hubby, was scared of them . But all I could do is remember John, how much he loved to escape on his , felt free . I so wanted to jump on this back with this random guy, bury my head in his back , feel the wind , feel free and escape. The first night I met John, he took me for a ride on his motorcycle. (Different one ). Such a bittersweet memory for me . I almost want to ask someone to take me for a ride , just once, to feel that freedom again.

Sounds like a good time. Sorry about the cat :-(

So I add , he's been texting me a lot again . I don't know what he wants from me. I'm being strong !

So he was texting , trying for a day or so. Then went back to he was busy,texting was often nonexistent, not trying... I pulled back . Between not knowing if he really is with the girls he claims are just friends , and me telling him a month ago , I needed more . I was done, told him today. 11 months .. Thought we would be somewhere different now, not with me questioning everything . Told him we can be friends , which I feel like we started to become lately , more than a couple. I'm not going back, he had a few shots. What really made me open my eyes , is a guy I have been friends with for a while , reached out about the same time . Wanting to date me, but was aware of other guy . I got more talking, compassion, sweet words , and overall "courting" of me than I ever got with bf. I realized I deserve more than I got. Going to just recover , and let life happen . Hope what I am looking for is out there.

I have heard about it, I have never seen any in my area. I say go for it, think of it as just meeting people , not potential dates . Good luck .!

So to answer, no the one "friend " in question, I haven't met . We are still talking, texting . But I'm very guarded right now. A lot of things are not making sense when I think about it . If he wants me, he can make it clear and try to win me back , so to speak, if not moving on.

So today has been long, no sleep, and crying leads to a huge headache. He has been calling and texting all day . I listened to him, agreed to talk. Still very confused and hurt . Time will tell what happens . He is the first guy I fell in love with since hubby . If it is meant to be it will, if not I hope to walk away with not so much hurt and pain .

11 months. I have talked about him thru here. I'm sad, hurt, heartbroken . He still is texting and calling me, not sure what will happen. He has a few close women friends, he denies he has anything more with them. One in particular, calls a lot, texts a lot. I listened to a voice mail, where she called him babe , and said she loved him. With a few other things, that was the tipping point for me. I have mentioned feeling insecure about his "friends " and feel he's put their friendship over my feelings at this point. just sad and haven't cried this bad in a long time .

I agree, not off topic at all. Great news !

Everyone gave such advice . I repeat what was said and life is short, life love and have no regrets . Good luck on what you decide .

Fairlanegirl... Thank you , you are right.. Maybe travel with some wid friends as well :-)

So many good points, dating my husband .. We didn't have kids, or ex, or baggage .. So to speak. We could spend all our time together , and we knew we were on a path . Marriage , home, kids etc. Now? No more kids.. I'm not dating to remarry ( can't anyway pensions) . I'm running one way with kids, him as well . I can't even be sure I want to live with someone again. I'm not moving until last kid is in college (3years ) , he isn't moving from his area , his youngest is 6. However , when I spend time with him and his kids , I love it .. I always wanted a lot of kids and like the busyness of it all. I see how he can't text or call me a lot.. It's crazy there sometimes. He tells me when I do bring it up, just call me . When I say I don't see him as my next chapter .. It's because I think in my head, I want to travel in a few years , downsize my house etc. he can't do any of that for a lot longer . His youngest is also a handful . Another however.. Life is short.. I might never find what I think is ideal . I enjoy what I have with him. He's there for me and my kids 100percent. So for now , I hope to stop questioning and just enjoy. Time will tell and I hope I will have the wisdom to walk away if I really think some of these things are deal breakers.

Ok so my kids are 15 and 17 . Dated a few guys, this current one is only one to have met kids . I think older kids get it more , that mom is dating .. Hence why I waited to introduce new guy . Even as I call him my friend ,my kids say.. Sure mom .. Your boyfriend. I think ,for you , young son.. You have done everything right.. Separate rooms, your staying with your son in guest room . I think it's a great idea to see how they interact together . And honestly he is young, if you were to break up, not sure he would even remember meeting him. I think the therapist is a prude as well. Your son is a part of the picture , and seeing how well all of you are is key . Best of luck, and report back after he trip .

I'm sure I'm going to ramble .. I knew when I met John , we would be together and get married. I never second guessed his feelings for me. I'm with guy since last August , and due to his kids and his back issues, some days I hear less from him . And I'm gonna say it, it annoys me . I go thru cycles.. Most times all is great , others not sure what he wants or where I stand. Could be me.. Who knows.. I want the fairy tale, where I don't question and just know in my gut . Had a sucky day , I feel sick , had a horrible panic attack, and was in pain due to having ulcerative colitis, and my bodies reaction to the pain is to throw up . So stuck at the baseball field bathrooms for an hour tonight. I want him here, to hold me, get me something to help me feel better . I want it all . I want to feel secure, and stop analyzing and second guessing . But I'm not ready to walk away, but I don't see him as my next chapter . I want to tell him all this , but to me it's there from both parties or not. Sigh .. Was dating just easier in our 20's?

On Facebook I belong to a few widow groups, one of the women posted about very good friends of hers. Husband killed and wife is in critical, motorcycle accident. John, my husband was killed on his motorcycle. It has shaken me, can't stop thinking of them . Painful reminder how life can change so fast.

Congrats! Take one thing at a time . Change is scary, but life is short and I think it's great that you are trying something new, and moving near new guy!

BF came to see my son play baseball today, was right around the street from his house. Since it was his town we were playing against , he knew a lot of people at the fields. He was sitting next to me on bench, I slid my arm under his to hold his hand. After a few minutes, his friend walked up, I pulled my hand back.. Not sure why .. He without a pause pulled my hand right back. He could say I love you a million times, but that simple gesture today made my heart swell.